More Escrow, more Lazyboy, a cell phone and no poop

Well yesterday was an abomination. Everything started out fine. It was 9:30 and I was nursing Evelyn. Escrow was coming over at 12 to finally close on our refi. My angel of a husband brought me a fruit smoothie to drink while nursing. Unfortunately he is a bit of a clumsy angel (although an angel nonetheless) and he proceeded to spill the fruit smoothie. The raspberry, blueberry strawberry fruit smoothie. All over the couch, our carpet, the wood floor, the tv tray, my favorite jeans which I was wearing for the first time, and yes, the biggest casualty was our new bajillion dollar recliner. I know you're surprised that two people who work for non profits can afford a bajillion dollar recliner. But trust me, it really was a bajillion dollars. It was a like a fruity volcano exploded in our living room. Evelyn however didn't miss a suck. I just sat there, frozen with shock. I couldn't say anything. Then I said something naughty. Then I couldn't say anything more. I don't even remember what Bard did immediately, I think because I was blocking him from my mind. We had gotten the stain guard (supposedly for Evelyn, not Bard!) and it said not to do anything except blot without first talking to customer care. We called, they were closed. Helpful. We finally got a hold of them and they said to go buy Fantastik and blot with that. In the middle of all this I picked up my cell and noticed it had gotten fruit smoothie on it as well so I wiped it off. Remember that small detail later. My poor clumsy angel spent TWO HOURS blotting fruit smoothie out of our front room. Have you seen The Cat in the Hat when Thing Number One and Number Two come out and destroy the living room? Yeah. Amazingly it all started to come up! It was now 11:45 and Escrow was going to arrive any minute. My phone beeped like a text message and I opened it. I said *(^%%$&@#. Oddly I didn't say another naughty word (even though my phone apparently was), I did the next best thing and started to cry. The phone helpfully turned off and I cried harder. From a previously sitcom comical experience of dropping my phone in the toilet, I knew that if the sim card had gotten moist and the phone didn't turn back on, I would have lost all my contacts. All three hundred contacts. My cell was a symbol of my link to people, which as you may have read has become increasingly important over the last week. Besides that, who would you all call when you needed a phone number? ; ) I cried, Bard called Verizon, and Escrow knocked on the door. I'm going to get a massage with the money we're saving on this refi. We spent the next half-hour signing and wondering if my battery and phone and link to the outside world were slowly dying with every initial. The signer left and Bard raced off to Verizon. Only to come back and say that the phone would turn on but verizon couldn't download my contacts without another verizon phone to put them on-they couldn't use Bard's because that would delete all his contacts. Stupid Verizon, do they know who they're dealing with??!! I have an old phone but it has no charger (there is a whole other story about that!) and they don't sell the charger anymore because they are greedy and want to make you buy a new charger with each phone. Oh yes, here it comes! Since, Bard was due for an early upgrade, we decided to just buy one and be done with it. Bard goes back to Verizon, hoping that my phone will turn on again. He comes back and it had worked! It was now 2pm but everything (after 6 hours) had worked out! We just had to go back to Verizon together because, since we're on different contracts, they had told him they needed both of us there to put the phone on my contract-they had put the new one on Bard's. So we decided to do it that night, since until we did that Bard essentially didn't have a phone-his contract was using my number and phone and his was turned off. Sigh. Off we went, third time for Bard. Right after feeding Evelyn so that she could just sleep the whole time. Silly parents of a newborn. That's right, our daighter's first outing was not to church, a friend's house, or on a walk, but to the Verizon store. She was a bit offended by the humility of that and started to fuss as soon as we got there. Of COURSE there was only one employee and someone with the world's longest problem ahead of us. Like her mother, she doesn't like to wait, she really started to fuss. Waiting. Waiting. Waiting. Screaming. Sigh. Waiting. We finally get up there and discover that they don't need me at all. (!!!) What they need is the last four digits of the person's SSN who the account is in-I don't have that because it's a work account. But I called my boss and thankfully got it, which yes, Bard could have done that afternoon. Then they couldn't get Bard's phone to download right. More screaming, yes, some by me and some by Evelyn. I figured she should just go ahead and scream cause maybe that would make them hurry up. By now we had been there 45 minutes. Everyone's blood pressure went through the roof but we finally took care of everything and left. Evelyn decided that she will be an AT&T customer and wants an iphone.