Different Parents?

Have you ever wondered why siblings turn out so different? For those of you who know me, it's no surprise that having a second child has given me a whole new reason to ponder the nature vs nurture argument. After studying and working in the early childhood education field for so many years, it's fascinating to have my own personal experiment!

Here is what has stayed the same with the births of our two daughters-we live in the same house, work the same hours-I am taking the same maternity leave, we have the same parenting philosophy and have responded to many issues with Cici in the same (almost eerily so) way as we did with Evelyn. We are surrounded by many of the same people and have a very similar routine. So, why does Cici nurse different than Evelyn-easier, faster, more scheduled? Why can I lay her down and she'll sleep for over an hour whereas Evelyn would wake after 15 minutes and demand to be held? Why does she like to be held upright and Evelyn preferred to be cradled? Why does Cici sleep more?

The answer, who knows?! I think part of it is nature-I am more relaxed thus creating the classic second child syndrome-a more relaxed baby. But part of it must be nurture-and how amazing is that?! That at just days old her personality is already showing itself. When she is older I bet I will be able to look back on these first few weeks and see how these early personality traits played into later developing skills and habits. It's so fun to see these different traits and to think back on how I was the same or different with Evelyn. Perfect example-if you want to be blown away be beautiful photographs of our girls, check out this link: http://chellenicole.com/WP/2011/01/17/cecilia-lynn-the-ballerina-is-here/

A friend of ours from church has her own photography business (Chelle Nicole) and came over to take our pictures last Saturday-(if you haven't already, scroll back through her babies' shots to see pictures of the day Cici was born.) It was a crazy fun experience and the pictures are absolutely priceless. Stay tuned for more too, I'll be posting the rest from the shoot as well as all our January photos in the next week or so. But, you may have already realized, I did nothing like that when Evelyn was a newborn. Our first professional shots were when she was 4 months old, and then we did a shoot as a family when she was 6 months. It's not that I didn't think about it, I just didn't think very positive things! It seemed so overwhelming to just leave the house, let alone coordinate outfits, time feedings and naps and suppress worries that she would be screaming the whole time : )Plus, my own recovery was so much more difficult that physically, everything was made harder. But with Cici I knew it would be okay. We would try to time naps and feeding, and avoid screaming, but babies are amazingly resilient-far more so than parents-and especially at this young age, they just kinda go with the flow. Toddlers on the other hand. . . ; )

The pictures are worth it by far, we will treasure these photographs forever; they truly capture who we are as a family. But just as important as the visual depiction of our family is how the photos are a symbolic reminder to me of who I am as a parent. Just like my girls I can constantly grow, gaining confidence and grace in my parenting. I can go with the flow and learn to be more resilient. The nature and nurture argument does not just apply to how children are shaped. As adults we too are formed by our surroundings, but instead of being little sponges, as children are, soaking up everything around them, we can be aware-learning and discriminating as we gain insight into the world around us.

Cecilia Lynn

Saturday morning, January 1st, I woke up ready to have my baby. It was three am, I'd had a few minor contractions and I was pretty sure that since Evelyn went so fast, within a few hours I would be at The Birthing Inn and soon holding Cecilia. However, life tends to unfold on its own while we're busy laying out its course. Noon rolled around, then mid afternoon and I wasn't in labor. I chose to be angry, frustrated, and disappointed, but no emotion changed the facts, so at 6pm Bard and I decided to get take out, watch a movie and just settle in for the night. Right about then my first real contraction hit. Haha, very funny.

By about 10pm we were on our way to the Birthing Inn, where things went slowly at first until a little after 11 when I was suddenly reminded that labor is the most painful experience possible. Was it too late for an epidural??!! Just like with Evelyn, I relied mostly on Bard. It's funny how when you're in a relationship you can express your need for each other, telling each other often how much you love and rely on each other. But most of us probably do not live out our relationships as a direct reflection of that love. We take each other for granted and have unrealistic expectations of needs instead of healthy expressions of value and appreciation. Being in labor strips you of any independence you might think you possess. You are forced to rely on the people around you, for physical and mental care. And, you don't get your dignity while doing it either! During both my labors, Bard was a focal point for moving forward through the experience. Which may sound odd, because what choice do you have but to go through it? None. But how you go through it makes all the difference in the world. I drew strength from Bard. He kept me calm (relatively speaking!) and focused on the positive-that the baby was coming. He was there for me every second of every minute, without tiring or giving up himself. I could never have done it without him, Cecilia is a lucky little girl.

And what you may ask, about the baby?! If sibling rivalry has started already, then she one-upped her sister because the 20 minutes I had to push for Cici was nothing compared to the 3 and a half hours I pushed with Evelyn. And as a result, my recovery has been night and day to what it was with Evelyn. At this point with Evelyn-a week into it, I was still sleeping downstairs because I couldn't lift my legs to go upstairs. And numerous other side effects that you can ask me about in person : ) So that's been great.

We also loved the Birthing Inn experience. Unlike at a hospital, your care is individualized and personal. It's also much more private and in a wonderfully soothing and relaxing environment. Our mid wife was great, which we really appreciated because Cici was born not breathing, yeah, she was a bit blue. The midwife calmly gave her oxygen and did leg compressions until she started breathing. I wasn't panicked, the whole thing was handled quickly and easily.

Cici will be a week old tomorrow. It's a bit hard to say who she is and what she will be like. But we have already noticed a few differences between her and Evelyn. She nurses differently than Evelyn did. She doesn't like being wet, and she seems to be more scheduled about her feedings, although that could change. She is adorable and we love to just stare at her. : )

Evelyn loves her too. Evelyn would just do everything for her if she could! She wants to help with her blanket, diaper changes, feeding her, and carrying her. She is very concerned when Cecilia is crying, she comes running, giving instructions along the way-she needs her paci, she wants her blanket, she wants some soup. : ) Evelyn is also very protective of me being with Cecilia and has told other people, "No, mama is holding her." I don't know how long that will last, but it's cute.

I love our family. I'm exhausted and feel like someone hit me with a truck, but it's been amazing. I know we have lots of hard times ahead, but I also know they will be worth it. It just doesn't get any better than this.