No more poop : (

Well, I hate to disappoint you all, as I know you were so impressed by my daughter being an above average pooper-or as we say, a super pooper-but I'm afraid she is dwindling down to average. Which is I guess good for the landfills and our checkbook! I don't know how or why, but now she just poops several times a day, like any other baby. I know, you're thinking that you expected more out of the daughter of myself and Bard. But hey, what can I tell you? If you have no idea what I'm talking about and think I've lost my mind, please let me refer you back to the post, "Escrow, Lazyboy, and poopy baths." Otherwise, please know that I will continue to keep you informed on the pooping habits of my first child. If nothing else it's good to keep track of this kind of thing so I can bring it up at, oh, I don't know. . .maybe her rehearsal dinner before she gets married : )

On another note, Evelyn Joy made her first visit to Target today. I'm sure it will be followed by hundreds more! I took her out again on my own and I was quite nervous, as she was quite cranky. But she fell asleep in the car and stayed asleep as I put her in the moby and carted her around. I didn't really need to go to Target, but it's just so nice to do normal things-even being able to sweep or do dishes is a bit refreshing (although I'm sure that won't last!) because it just takes me a bit out of "baby world" and reminds me that life is continuing on as normal. That might seem odd, but I can't tell you how odd it is to have someone constantly dependent on you for food, sleep, cleaning, comforting, and any other kind of care. You really start to feel as though this little person is attached to you and it will always be that way. Which can be an amazingly pure and beautiful experience but also make you want to pull your hair out. So, little errands and tasks go along way toward keeping sanity!

Two Outings in One Day!

So yesterday was the day! I packed her up by myself and took her on an errand-to where else but Babies R Us - I figured that should be a pretty safe bet as being baby friendly : ) She really does not like being put in her carseat and always wakes up when we lay her in it. I don't know why because it's absolutely adorable! So she cried but then stopped as the car got moving. And then cried again for who knows why. And then stopped again. And then cried in the store. And then stopped again. And then cried half the way home. And then stopped again. The problem here is that she doesn't speak English and I can only figure out what is wrong about 75% of the time. But, regardless of that, I felt very accomplished, albeit frazzled by the time we got home. By the way, if you invest, check out Babies R Us stock, that place must be making a small fortune everyday.

Then last night we took her out for the Dining Out for Life fundraiser which benefits the Pierce County AIDS Association. Dozens of local restaurants donate proceeds from the dinners bought on that day to help fight AIDS in this area. We parked and put her in the moby-she was fine! The restaurant however, was closed. : ( We had chosen that one cause we didn't need reservations, so it was really our only option. So, we'll try next year. Of course we were starving so we stopped by Quiznos on the way home and ate there. And she still did really well, so that was great. Although, one note on the moby, it's a little hard to eat a sandwich over her and I felt a little bad dropping bread crumbs and red onions on to my daughter as she slept. But hey, you gotta do what you gotta do!

It's hard to be a mom

Yesterday was so long. She was fussy all day-she woke up whenever I put her down, fussed during nursing and just about wore me out. And, it continued until midnight when she finally started acting like my baby again, ate normally and then slept. I really don't even know how to describe the day-when I just write it out like that, it doesn't seem overwhelming at all, after all, it was only one day. But all day I just kept thinking-what is wrong with her, what is wrong with me, why isn't breast feeding working, why won't she sleep, and WHAT ON EARTH IS SHE CRYING ABOUT??!! It's so hard to know that someone is totally dependant on you and completely miserable-try not taking that personally.

So, this morning after she did well the rest of the night, I was feeling more positive and hopeful. But that did not last long. Since she was born I have worried about her safety. Newborns are incredibly resilient yet terrifyingly fragile. I worried that I would drop her, that Bard would drop her, that someone else would drop her, that she would fall, that one of us would trip while carrying her, and countless other scary occurrences. You might sense where this is going. I got her up this morning and laid her on the bed while getting the things I needed to take downstairs with me to feed her. I have no idea what happened, she wasn't near the edge of the bed, and as near as I can figure my robe must have caught her blanket and pulled it because as I was turning away from her I had a thump and turned around to see my baby daughter, my three week old, and everything that is precious to me lying on the floor. I will never forget the sound of that thump. Even now I almost can't breathe while typing it. I screamed for Bard and knelt down to get her, watching to see if she moved and cried on her own. She did so I picked her up, shaking and crying harder than she was. Bard called the Dr (again, love that they have a 24 hour on call Dr). She had landed flat on her back on the carpet (the only part of our house that is carpeted) and had no marks, and the Dr asked how high, what she was acting like, etc. She was alert and calmed down right away. She nursed and then he had us wake her after she fell asleep to make sure she was still alert. Needless to say she is fine and I am still shaken up. I didn't put her down for three hours.

Funny how the day before I was so stressed and frustrated, wanting to put her down, and then after today's scare all I wanted to do was hold her close forever. I have this feeling that the rest of my life is going to be a balance of those emotions. As she grows and develops her own identity that pushes against mine, I will be frustrated and searching for answers. But the foundation of our relationship can never be altered, I love her and will always strive to protect her and cherish her-even when sometimes I may be the cause of her pain. At three weeks into motherhood, learning that I'm not a perfect mom is a hard lesson, but one that I know I will continue to learn throughout the years. It is a good lesson because it will encourage me to be honest and vulnerable with the people around me-seeking their support, advice, and encouragement. I'm grateful that God designed us so that we need people, life would be so discouraging on our own. Knowing that I have people who are there for me no matter what, and who accept me and even embrace me for who I really am, makes all the difference in the world.

Now, someone is waking up. . . : )

Feed me!

I guess I should be happy that she eats so much and often, even if she is a bit demanding about it! We had her two week appt on Thursday and she has gained more weight-8.3, which is great, and is past her birth weight. The Dr said she is doing well and everything looks great. Good job Evelyn! I really like our Doctor's office. We have a class with each milestone visit and you bring your baby and interact with other parents who have babies the same age. It's a bout a 45 minute session and the Dr goes over all sorts of basics for that age and answers questions. Then of course you have breakout sessions with just you and the Dr. I'm interested to see if we stay with pretty much the same group of parents each time, I think it would be fun to get to know people that way.

Another event this week was Bard going back to work. But that has actually gone really well. I miss having him here, especially for the company and communication, but so far it hasn't been too overwhelming. We'll see if that continues! Besides, I think the odds of the recliner staying clean are better with him at work ; )

A non baby related event is that it has been snowing on and off the past few days! This is ridiculous-I thought I had a spring baby! It makes me feel a little better about taking her out though. Meaning that my body is still not up for walks, which I was feeling bad about, but now I wouldn't be able to take her out anyway! I have yet to run an errand on my own with her either, mainly cause I'm still not able to lift her in her carseat. So in the next week or so with my healing and hopefully the weather clearing up, we'll have those two firsts to talk about! See how I made the non baby even related to the baby? I've learned this is my life now-turning everything into baby!

Happy Two Week Birthday!

You are so beautiful

To me

You are so beautiful

To me

Can't you see

You're everything I hoped for

You're everything I need

You are so beautiful

To me

Evelyn's Dream Team

Birthing class made me a little more nervous about labor than I thought it would. I loved all the knowledge, but it also presented some unknowns that I had not previously considered. Our instructor talked a lot about the relationship we would form with our nurses and doctor. The nurse would be with us the whole time, and although the Dr would probably only come in at the end, he or she would be consulted throughout the process. All the sudden I was wondering what would happen if I didn't like my nurses, or disagreed with what they or the Dr said, or was delivered by a strange doctor. The instructor talked about asking for a different nurse if you didn't get along and asking lots of questions about procedures to make sure what you wanted was being done. However, that seemed overwhelming!

All my worries were for nothing though, because we had the most amazing group of people caring for us the entire time we were at Tacoma General. From the very beginning I was so impressed with the environment and the staff. They were full the whole time we were there, but not only did it never seem chaotic, someone was always checking in on us; we felt like the only ones there. Our labor and delivery nurses, Patsy and Julie blew me away. The were so knowledgeable, really working with me to try and move things along (my daughter was not as helpful at moving things along!) They were so positive and encouraged me, not giving up on me even when I wanted to give up on myself. Some people don't want to give birth at a hospital because it is sterile and unwelcoming. This didn't feel like a sterile hospital, but rather like a supportive and warm environment in which to give birth. I can honestly say I could not imagine two better nurses or two other people who I would have wanted supporting me, they were incredible.

I feel the same way about the two doctors I had working with me, Dr Snowden and Dr Abbi (I had two other doctors for a short time and they were great too, I'm just a little blurry on the details, sorry!) Dr Snowden and Dr Abbi both spent a good deal if time with me, maybe because of my stubborn daughter and her tilted head, I don't know : ) but, as with the nurses, I felt like they really understood that I wanted to try and stay natural and they worked with me to help reach that goal. I felt so safe with them and again, like the nurses, they really encouraged me the whole time. Three and a half hours is a long time to push (trust me on this!) and I think just how supportive they were is illustrated by the fact that a friend of mine would come and listen outside the door and she could hear everyone cheering me on, lifting my spirits, giving me the energy and hope to try again. And again. And again. : ) And even when things became serious and Evelyn's heart rate started to drop, I could sense their calm and that they knew exactly what to do. Everything was explained to me so clearly, which I appreciated. Evelyn (and I) could not have been in better hands. Oh, and sorry for all the times I said to stop hurting me!

The care we received after she was born was also just wonderful. We had many nurses, Patty and Shirley were the first and we had them more than once, but there were several others and each one was so helpful, so positive, and made the whole experience so much better. From helping me walk the three steps to the bathroom, to giving advice on nursing, and answering every little question or concern that I had-you were all great and we appreciate your care so much.

Doula Sara. This woman will forever have a special place in our hearts as well. She was a true partner in every way; Bard and I can't imagine not having had her there. From holding my legs back for over an hour (nurse Patsy's idea, by the way if you're reading this Patsy it was five days before my legs could handle stairs, but your idea worked-she came out!), to providing clarity and suggestions for the whole process, to just adding a sense of calm, Sara was amazing. We truly appreciate you.

Of course I'm so blessed to have had such an amazingly supportive group of people surrounding me through this whole pregnancy-Bard and I are so grateful to be bringing up Evelyn amongst such godly and caring people. I had friends and family in the lobby, supporting me through prayer, and just their presence. Another friend woke in the middle of the night-just before Evelyn's heart rate started dropping, and she started praying that everything was going well and specifically that I wouldn't have to have a C-section. More friends prayed through it all and have continued to pray, along with providing meals, grocery runs, and check ins. I'm really astounded by all of you. Thank you.

And my husband. We all knew he would be great, he is just that way : ) But to remember hearing the nurses, the doctors, and our doula, all comment on how wonderful he was through the whole process brings tears of gratitude to my eyes. More than one person said she wished more husbands were like that. I don't have to wish because I can't imagine a better husband or father. I don't know how long it will take Evelyn to realize what we all know-she has an amazing dad and is fortunate to be the daughter of someone whose heart follows God, which is seen by his actions over and over. You live out love.

I never imagined such a painful and difficult experience could be so beautiful and give me so many opportunities to be grateful to so many people. From the bottom of my heart, thank you.

Church!

We went to church today and it was wonderful! We put Little Evelyn in the moby wrap (thanks Alison!) and she slept through everything, even Kord on the guitar : ) I was worried she might be fussy, but she was an angel and it was great to see people. We were late-mainly because she decided to do a marathon feeding, but even that worked to be best and it just felt really good to be there. Discovery is amazing group of people who are living life for God. Everyone is so loving, giving, and supportive. I can't imagine a better place to raise a child.

More Escrow, more Lazyboy, a cell phone and no poop

Well yesterday was an abomination. Everything started out fine. It was 9:30 and I was nursing Evelyn. Escrow was coming over at 12 to finally close on our refi. My angel of a husband brought me a fruit smoothie to drink while nursing. Unfortunately he is a bit of a clumsy angel (although an angel nonetheless) and he proceeded to spill the fruit smoothie. The raspberry, blueberry strawberry fruit smoothie. All over the couch, our carpet, the wood floor, the tv tray, my favorite jeans which I was wearing for the first time, and yes, the biggest casualty was our new bajillion dollar recliner. I know you're surprised that two people who work for non profits can afford a bajillion dollar recliner. But trust me, it really was a bajillion dollars. It was a like a fruity volcano exploded in our living room. Evelyn however didn't miss a suck. I just sat there, frozen with shock. I couldn't say anything. Then I said something naughty. Then I couldn't say anything more. I don't even remember what Bard did immediately, I think because I was blocking him from my mind. We had gotten the stain guard (supposedly for Evelyn, not Bard!) and it said not to do anything except blot without first talking to customer care. We called, they were closed. Helpful. We finally got a hold of them and they said to go buy Fantastik and blot with that. In the middle of all this I picked up my cell and noticed it had gotten fruit smoothie on it as well so I wiped it off. Remember that small detail later. My poor clumsy angel spent TWO HOURS blotting fruit smoothie out of our front room. Have you seen The Cat in the Hat when Thing Number One and Number Two come out and destroy the living room? Yeah. Amazingly it all started to come up! It was now 11:45 and Escrow was going to arrive any minute. My phone beeped like a text message and I opened it. I said *(^%%$&@#. Oddly I didn't say another naughty word (even though my phone apparently was), I did the next best thing and started to cry. The phone helpfully turned off and I cried harder. From a previously sitcom comical experience of dropping my phone in the toilet, I knew that if the sim card had gotten moist and the phone didn't turn back on, I would have lost all my contacts. All three hundred contacts. My cell was a symbol of my link to people, which as you may have read has become increasingly important over the last week. Besides that, who would you all call when you needed a phone number? ; ) I cried, Bard called Verizon, and Escrow knocked on the door. I'm going to get a massage with the money we're saving on this refi. We spent the next half-hour signing and wondering if my battery and phone and link to the outside world were slowly dying with every initial. The signer left and Bard raced off to Verizon. Only to come back and say that the phone would turn on but verizon couldn't download my contacts without another verizon phone to put them on-they couldn't use Bard's because that would delete all his contacts. Stupid Verizon, do they know who they're dealing with??!! I have an old phone but it has no charger (there is a whole other story about that!) and they don't sell the charger anymore because they are greedy and want to make you buy a new charger with each phone. Oh yes, here it comes! Since, Bard was due for an early upgrade, we decided to just buy one and be done with it. Bard goes back to Verizon, hoping that my phone will turn on again. He comes back and it had worked! It was now 2pm but everything (after 6 hours) had worked out! We just had to go back to Verizon together because, since we're on different contracts, they had told him they needed both of us there to put the phone on my contract-they had put the new one on Bard's. So we decided to do it that night, since until we did that Bard essentially didn't have a phone-his contract was using my number and phone and his was turned off. Sigh. Off we went, third time for Bard. Right after feeding Evelyn so that she could just sleep the whole time. Silly parents of a newborn. That's right, our daighter's first outing was not to church, a friend's house, or on a walk, but to the Verizon store. She was a bit offended by the humility of that and started to fuss as soon as we got there. Of COURSE there was only one employee and someone with the world's longest problem ahead of us. Like her mother, she doesn't like to wait, she really started to fuss. Waiting. Waiting. Waiting. Screaming. Sigh. Waiting. We finally get up there and discover that they don't need me at all. (!!!) What they need is the last four digits of the person's SSN who the account is in-I don't have that because it's a work account. But I called my boss and thankfully got it, which yes, Bard could have done that afternoon. Then they couldn't get Bard's phone to download right. More screaming, yes, some by me and some by Evelyn. I figured she should just go ahead and scream cause maybe that would make them hurry up. By now we had been there 45 minutes. Everyone's blood pressure went through the roof but we finally took care of everything and left. Evelyn decided that she will be an AT&T customer and wants an iphone.

Uncle Aaron

Today Bard's little brother Aaron came to visit us. The great thing about this visit is that he lives in Southern California and just happened to be up here visiting his grandparents (who live in Kent) over spring break. I don't believe in coincidence so I know that God timed all this perfectly for Aaron to meet his little niece. Bard and I don't get to see him very often, so even just a few hours of bocce ball in the backyard and a walk to Quiznos for lunch was great. We feel so lucky that he could come and that his mom didn't mind driving him all the way down here, just to see us. It was great to see you Aaron, Evelyn is very lucky to have you for an uncle!

Happy Birthday!

I can't believe I gave birth to a baby one week ago.

Here is what I have learned so far:

1. It's arrogant to think I've learned anything because all the sudden there is a whole new world of learning opened before me and it seems like every moment brings new discovery.




2. There is a huge difference between the love that develops for a child and the love that develops for an adult. When you grow closer to another adult you have to trust that person, let down your guard, and make a conscious effort to allow him/her into your world of intimacy. With a child that happens naturally. And although I know there will be times when she is driving me crazy and I have to remind myself of that love, the initial stages of it are so innocent and powerful. The way I can just simply love her must be, in a very small way, like the way God loves us, without question, worry, or control. Perfect love casts out all fear.




3. I miss people. I know I posted about this already but it continues to amaze me how much I miss being in community and interacting with my friends and family. I always knew I was an extrovert and that I loved my community, but I don't think I really understand how powerfully that love expressed itself in my life. None of you would believe how quiet I am, it's so strange!




4. I am grateful for people. It's such a blessing to get a phone call or an email checking in. People are bringing meals, asking what they can pick up for us at the store, stopping by to visit. We feel so blessed by everyone-thank you.




5. I actually kind of like not having a schedule! I know you don't believe me : ) But it's a little vacation from myself and I'm enjoying it a bit! I think I need to learn something from this and incorporate it into my life-we'll see!




6. I can survive without sleep. And, I'm actually getting more than I thought I would. Although I probably just jinxed that. Those truths are not all that surprising though. What is a surprise is that my husband talks in his sleep when he is really tired! This has become hilarious. Last night he said "Evelyn Joy is five feet tall." He was sound asleep and I was nursing, so I figured talking to him would keep me awake. I said, "Really?" Then he mumbled something about an Iraqui surgical horse needing transport and was quiet the rest of the night. Maybe he is James Bond and I don't know it.




7. Living in the here and now is a blessing. It's refreshing to just focus on what is right in front of me (a beautiful baby) and not think about tomorrow, not stress about what has to be done, and just be. David wrote in the Psalms, "Be still and know that I am God." Something about babies makes you very aware of the presence of God.



8. I have realized that nothing gives me more peace than gazing into the face of my daughter while she is asleep in my arms. I am grateful for every moment of the last week.

Escrow, Lazboy, and poopy baths

Well, everyone knows how I love to multi task, but today was a bit much.

So, we had a couple of things we wanted to get taken care of before the baby came-get a reclining rocker for the front room and refinance our house. Both of equal importance! But the chair came late, the refi took longer to go through, and the baby came early. Today was a result of all that bad timing : )

Lazyboy said they would drop off the chair between 11 and two. I can't understand how we can coordinate moon landings, nuclear power, and genetic cloning, but things like the common cold or plotting a delivery route are beyond our capabilities. We had to give Evelyn her first little sponge bath and we just decided to do it in the middle of the afternoon, even though we knew the chair could come and she could be screaming the whole time. In the middle of all this coordinating an escrow signing apparently takes multiple phone calls all at the wrong time. Oh well. So in the middle of her feeding we realized she needed to be changed. Bard took this one for the team, but I came hurrying out of the bathroom when I heard him yelling. Our dainty little darling had a diaper full of poop, which is nothing abnormal for her, and when Bard was sliding the new diaper in she peed all over it-the non absorbant part of course. So he started to take that one away and as he did she pooped everywhere. In case you didn't know (and even though you probably didn't want to) newborn poop goes everywhere! It went right up her back and all over her shirt, she started screaming, the phone rang-it was escrow- and without thinking Bard picked her up to comfort her and got poop all over his sweater. Gross!!!! We realized it was a good time for a bath. We put her on her little sponge and wiped her down, she hated it and screamed until all the sudden she got a calm look on her face and quieted down. Right before pooping everywhere. The phone rang, escrow again-they can sense poop. You see, the average newborn poops 5 times a day, but can go up to 15 times a day. Our daughter is in the 12-14 range. Yes, she is an above average pooper. We are very proud : ) So we cleaned her up again, fed her and as soon as we were done Lazyboy showed up. Why? Because it was 2pm. Escrow called again. We got the chair set up called escrow back and put Evelyn down for a nap. But not before one more poop.

I would like to say this is the day in the life of having a newborn, but it was only 2 hours.

No church!

It was so weird to not be at church today. After having one of the biggest life changing events ever, I am all the sudden spending less time with the people who I want to share it with the most. This is so hard on me because I'm so used to sharing life with all of you. I really miss you-my disco family! I'm so glad to be at home resting, and my body really does need it-as does hers-however, you are my community and I am thinking and praying for all of you too. Having a newborn is a weird mix of over stimulation and isolation and I feel like I'm still processing it all. Maybe this doesn't make any sense, please keep in mind that I'm not sleeping very much! But it's a strange feeling to absorb, craving people and the desire to engage with them, yet also needing downtime to do the basics, like sleep. I want to talk with friends and family, especially those out of town who aren't able to visit, yet all the sudden the day is over and I'm exhausted. I'm not yet sure what the balance is, and since it's only been 5 days, I guess I'll keep processing.

Switching gears.
Last night being off the bili bed was great! She slept better and so did we, everyone was much happier. The nurse came this morning and checked her bili count. Even though it had gone up a bit overnight, the Dr said that it was okay for her to stay off that nasty bed. So that is a huge answer to prayer! Her eyes still look a little yellow to us, which is a bit worrisome,as of course we don't want her to get worse again. We call the pediatrician in the morning to see when he wants to see us, so we'll go from there. Keep praying and we'll keep you posted!

Praise! Off the Bili - Bed!

A picture says a 1000 words! Evelyn Joy is off the bili-bed! At about 4pm this afternoon the nurse called to tell us that, based on today's test, Evelyn Joy's bilirubin level had dropped from 13.6 to 12 (under 10 is fully normal) and that the doctor said that we could take her off the bili-bed (read one of our earlier posts for what this is)!! This is a trial day - if her bilirubin goes back up a lot today then she may need to go back on the bed. But, we think it is a huge answer to our prayers and all of you who were praying with us

This is awesome news! Now we can cuddle with her and play with her and really learn a lot more about who this little beauty is as a person. Also, we will now be able to pick her up and rock her and walk with her to comfort her when she is crying. These things feel like really natural ways of comforting her and she responds to them really well. It was a killer to not be able to comfort her that way when she was crying on the bili-bed.

Also, this means that we can dress her up in lots of cute little outfits that she got at her baby showers! Look above for a picture of her in one of those. There will be a lot more where that came from on the Picasa picture album going forward.

Thank you again for your prayers and support for Evelyn Joy and her mommy and daddy!

Update

Hi Everyone,

Thank you all (again!) for your prayers, support, and encouragement. It doesn't look like Evelyn will be able to come off the bili bed today, but we're hopeful for tomorrow-she is very close. She has gained weight and continues to do well, but although we haven't heard for sure what her bili count is for today (we should know in a couple hours) I talked to the nurse earlier and she thought it was abit early. So, we'll keep on keepin' on and hope for tomorrow!

Please pray for us tonight, my pessimistic prophecy came true and we had a really hard night. I've always heard people say, "I was up all night with the baby." and I would wonder, did they mean "ALL NIGHT?!" Yes. They did. We were up all night with her. We finally called the Dr (I love our pediatrician, they have 24 hour on call doctors) because she would not sleep or eat. They had us actually take her off the bili bed for awhile and then try and finally sometime around 4am she ate and then slept. So now I'm optimistic, if Thursday night was hard, and last night was hell, then maybe we've hit bottom and tonight will be a bit better. So, if you wake up at 3am, think of us before you roll over in your nice warm bed and go back to sleep! : )

On the plus side I am slowly starting to heal and actually went up stairs today, yay! My groin muscles are beginning to feel better, which is nice because walking is something I used to enjoy doing!

I wish we could come to church tomorrow, but we'll have to wait til next week-we miss our disco family and can't wait to be there again!

Evelyn says hello (she is quite a smart baby) and is looking forward to being held and spoiled by all! We'll post more pictures later too.

Thanks everyone!

Happier baby!

Evelyn's jaundice is clearing up really well, thank you for your prayers! She is still a bit yellow, but her bilirubin count has gone down, and we're even a bit optimistic that she may be able to come off the bed tomorrow, so keep praying! She slept and ate way better today, which means mommy and daddy slept and ate way better too : ) Of course, being the person I am, I'm a little nervous for tonight -since we had such a good day, does that jinx the night?! We'll see, if you get posts at 3am you'll know.

Right now, I'm feeling so good, I think I might even watch the news, although I doubt anything has happened in the world to top the fact that I had a baby, but you never know ; )

Labor is hard on daddies and kitties too!

We're home!

Hi Everyone,
Thanks for your prayers and support-we got to bring our little birdie home last night and we are glad to be here! Unfortunately she does have to use the phototherapy bed due to her jaundice and it's so hard because we just want to hold her and snuggle, but unless she is actually breast feeding, she is supposed to be on the bed so that the light from it can bring down her bilirubin level. The nurse is coming by this morning to check on her, please be praying that her jaundice has gone down and we won't have to use the bed very long. I honestly can't imagine a worse experience than your daughter crying in the middle of the night while she looks up at you and doesn't understand why you aren't picking her up and holding her close-even though it's what you want to do more than anything in the world.

As for me, I'm so grateful to have such a wonderful husband and beautiful daughter that an extended recovery time doesn't seem so bad after all! If you read the blog Bard wrote, you could probably pick up in the fact that he was wonderful all through labor and I couldn't have done it without him. Really. Our Doula, Sara, was also amazing and I really relied on her for focus, what to expect, and ideas. Because of the complications with pushing, Evelyn's angle, and then just her size compared to my size, my recovery time is expected to be a bit longer than normal, which is hard because I hadn't really thought about that as being a possibility. The Dr says I'm healing well though and just need to take it easy. So, since I can't go upstairs (my muscles are too pulled to be able to lift my foot just the heigth of the stair!) We're all camped out downstairs!

We still miss everyone though! We would love to hear from you and of course visit if you want-I know it's not as much fun since we can't hold her. But even though she is a little yellow, we think she is pretty cute to look at at! Just give my cell a call if you want to stop by. We have some more pictures that we'll post soon. : ) And thank you again for your prayers and support, we're very lucky.

Beautiful Evy Joy!

Rough Morning

Evelyn Joy’s body threw her a curveball this morning. She has jaundice, which means that she can’t break down bilirubin (some sort of residue from red blood cells) in her blood. Her bilirubin level shot up to a 14.6 this morning from normal levels before, so the nurse brought in a ‘bili-bed,’ or glass bed that shines a blue, UV light on her skin, simulating sunlight. This helps break down the bili-rubin.

Anyway, Evy Joy hated this bed and screamed for what seemed like forever (might have been 30 min). We thought she was hungry and tried to nurse her, but she screamed for a while and didn’t want to latch on. Then, with dad praying hard for her to nurse, she actually did suckle a bit…before falling asleep. We tried to rouse her and get her to suckle, but she wouldn’t. Then she started howling again, so we put her back in the bed.

This has happened four times now and she has only managed to actually nurse for about 10 minutes in the last 5 ½ hours. Poor little girl. She is so tired from crying and from the jaundice that she falls asleep whenever Kristin tries to nurse her. But, if she doesn’t nurse, she doesn’t poop. If she doesn’t poop, she doesn’t get the bilirubin out of her system. And as the bilirubin builds up, she gets more and more tired and wants to nurse less. Catch-22.

Her next feeding is at 11am. We are praying that the bed will break down enough bilirubin in her system to make her active enough to feed for a full 30min, thus starting a positive spiral of feeding, pooping, bilirubin declining more and so on. If this doesn’t happen, Kristin will begin to pump and we will syringe feed Evy Joy to get the digestive system going. We would love to not do this, though, as it could interfere with breastfeeding.

Basically, please pray with us that:
1. Evy Joy would nurse for full 30min at 11am, would poop, and would do that at again and again.
2. Evy Joy’s bilirubin would either fall from 14.6 (normal is 10) or at least not go up. If it goes up, we will be kept in the hospital another day.
3. Evy Joy would take to the bili-bed well so that her mom and dad could get some sleep between feedings.

Thank you for praying with us!

Birth - Story

Hi everyone! It is so surreal that Evelyn Joy came into the world almost two full days ago and that we are almost ready to go home from the hospital. We keep thinking that it is Tuesday. It has been such a blessing to get to know Evelyn. She is very wonderful and beautiful. I may be biased, but I think that she is the cutest baby in the world. :) We have an ever-expanding picture album up at http://picasaweb.google.com/discokristin/BabyEvelyn?authkey=dP6O1K8jYpU

Another practical thing - we are going home from the hospital tomorrow (Thursday) and so won't have any more visitors at the hospital. Give us a call, though, if you would like to swing by and see us at home. We will be needing a bit of time to figure out all the ins and outs of taking care of Evelyn there while also continuing to recover, but we would certainly love to set up a time to see you!

On to the story of how the whole thing unfolded! It started on Monday morning (Mar 31st) when we had a 'dry run' of the birth. Kristin had some symptoms and her doctor said to head in to TG's Labor & Delivery (L&D) department and get checked out. So, not knowing whether this might be it, we got the bags together, hurridly fed the cat and did some other things and then got in the car and drove to the hospital. Kristin was evaluated by Dr. Snowden at L&D, who told us that Kristin was 2cm dilated and 75% effaced and that labor could come any time - that day or a week from then. That was a little frustrating for Kristin (she had been hoping for 3cm), but I (Bard) actually realised a few things that I needed to prepare before the actual event happened, which I did that day on my lunch break. Good thing!

Later that afternoon, at 4pm, Kristin began having contractions. They were not intense or regular enough for us not to eat a big taco dinner at around 6pm (doh). But, they progressively got stronger and closer together until Bard, at around 8pm, realised that he should stop puttering around (while distractedly timing contractions) and focus on Kristin, who was getting more and more serious.

By 9:30pm, the contractions were clustering around 3-6 min apart and 60sec long. And they were intense. After a call to our doula, Sarah Farthing (who did a great job for the whole thing), Kristin called the L&D nurse line. During the call, a contraction hit. Kristin gasped and gave the phone to me - I said 'hello' to the nurse, who said 'yup, you guys should come in.' So, for the second time that day, we packed all of the bags into the car and drove to the hospital. We arrived at about 10:15pm and were brought straight to a birthing suite because the hospital was full of laboring mothers and all the triage rooms were full.

The nurse who admitted us, Patsy, said that Kristin would probably need to walk around for a bit to prove that she was progressing. She said though that, based on her 20 years of experience, she could tell that Kristin was actually in labor. The doctor came and checked Krisin out, finding that she was now 3cm dilated and 100% effaced. After the doctor left, Kristin and I (Bard) went for a walk around the birthing center. Kristin had to stop every couple of minutes to breath through contractions and they seemed to be getting tougher and tougher (based on how hard she gripped my hands as she breathed through it).

We were walking back when a contraction suddenly came on. Kristin doubled over, sank to hands and knees and threw up on the floor. Then her water broke right there. Patsy and Julie, another nurse, came to help me get Kristin back to the room. Patsy said, 'See, I told you she was in labor.' Now, it was on.

We got back to the room, where Sarah, the doula, had drawn a warm bath, put on soothing music, dimmed the lights and generally arranged things in the room to make it a nice environment for giving birth. Kristin got in the warm tub and labored there for a while in the soothing water. She got out of the tub when the doctor came to check her again, but threw up again as she was drying off. She got into bed finally and Julie, the nurse, put her on the monitors to look at her contractions and the baby's heart-beat. The contractions began coming really hard and fast, one right on top of the other. When the doctor came back to check on her, at about 11:45pm, she said that Kristin was dilated to 8cm! She had progressed 5cm in only 1 1/2 hours and was already well into the 'transition' stage of labor!

Kristin got a huge second wind from that news and attacked the contractions, seeing each of them as bringing her cervix closer and closer to delivering the baby. About 30min later, she started to get a really strong urge to push, but the doctor said that she couldn't yet because the cervix wasn't ready and pushing could actually stall the labor. So Kristin, like a champ, fought through another hour of really tough contractions. The doula really helped to suggest a number of positions and techniques to help her focus and help the cervix dilate fully.

At 1:47am, the doctor said that Kristin could start pushing. With Julie, the nurse, there to monitor her, she started pushing from a lying down position and really was moving the baby down the birth canal. The nurse called for doctors to come in to be there for the birth after about an hour. They came, but the baby got stuck in the canal and just wouldn't come any farther. It was very discouraging to Kristin when the doctors left to go attend other births.

Kristin continued to push lying down, then in the squatting and all fours position. Nothing worked to get the baby moving. Finally, exhausted, Kristin began pushing again in the lying down position. By now, it was after 4am. Kristin had been pushing for over 2 hours. At some point, Dr. Gill and his resident, Dr. Chin, had come into the room to help Julie help Kristin get the baby out. They tried a lot of different things, but the baby still wouldn't come.

In truth, Kristin had succeeded in moving the baby farther down the canal - the nurse brought a mirror so that she could see the baby's head beginning to crown. It was so frustrating, though, because - whatever position we tried - her head would advance...and then retreat. Every time she pushed, it seemed like the first push brought the baby farther but the second and third pushes brought her back. To combat this, we held Kristin's legs up as she pushed and then continued to hold them up as she rested to try to keep the baby from retreating. But her head was turned slightly and she just couldn't come around a bit of bone and tissue.

Kristin's original doctors - Drs. Snowden and Abbi - came back into at around 4:15am to 'tag in' for Drs. Gill and Chin. Kristin pushed for 45 min more with Sarah, the doula, trying different encouragement techniques, the doctors trying different things and my (Bard's) voice getting hoarse counting off the pushes (one, two, three - Go for it, honey! - five, six, seven...Again!). At one point during this time, the doctors and nurse looked up at me and told me to sit down. "I'm fine!" I said. But the minute I stepped away, I got really light headed and had to sit down and get some water. A nurse stepped in to hold Kristin's leg for me and I began cheering 'from the sidelines' and praying hard that God would bring the baby out safe.

At 5am, the baby's heart-beat, which had been going at about 140-160 beats per minute, dropped to 105 bpm - a sign that she was not getting enough oxygen. The doctors said that we needed to get the baby out immediately. They had been increasingly concerned over the last hour and we had even been trying the vacuum extractor to try to get Evelyn around 'the corner.' It hadn't worked. They told Kristin that she had one more push and then they would need to take her immediately to surgery for a C-section. Kristin had nothing left, but she gave it everything she had. And she did it! On that last push, with everyone in the room cheering for her and me jumping up and down and yelling 'Push, push, you can do it!' Evelyn Joy came out, beautiful in how normal she looked bawling and flailing around!

Kristin looked overjoyed and stunned. 'She came out!' she said. 'I had the baby.' She was amazing. Just did an incredible job. She did all of that without any pain medication. The nurses and doctors and doula kept saying what a wonderful job she had done.

That was the most intense moment of my life...and I hadn't even just pushed a baby out. I started crying from love and joy and relief as all the tension and emotion just flooded out. 'You did it, honey! You did it!" I kept saying through the tears. Thank you, God. Thank you. I had to get it together to cut the cord, which I did. Then, the doctors and nurses took the baby to a warming table and began doing a lot of tests and other things on her to make sure that she did not go into shock after the trauma of the birth. This was hard for Kristin, who kept saying, 'where's my baby? I want my baby.' She was okay, though, and actually started cracking jokes with the nurses and doctors who were helping her through stage 3 of labor and then working to repair her.

When the nurses were finished doing their tests, they brought Evelyn Joy to Kristin's breast, where she immediately started nursing. The site was so beautiful. I just stood and stared and Kristin and Evelyn Joy as she nursed and rubbed Evelyn Joy's little hand. She actually nursed so much that her blood sugar went up to normal levels and she didn't need supplemental feeding right then. Good girl!

After that, Kristin's parents, brother and close friend, Sara, came into the room and held Evelyn Joy. There was so much joy there as everyone held her. We snapped a lot of pictures (some of which are actually on the Picasa album linked above...others were not decent :).

Evelyn now is beautiful and healthy. I could give you all the details of her nursing and excellent poopy diapers...but I won't. Mom is recovering well, but the birth was hard and she can still not walk very well and is in a lot of pain. She will have a longer recovery that we had anticipated, so please pray that she recovers quickly and fully and that I and other friends and family can support her with a lot of love and thoughtfulness.

Thank you for your prayers!

Pictures!

Here is the link to our photo gallery, we'll keep updating it and the blog.

http://picasaweb.google.com/discokristin/BabyEvelyn?authkey=dP6O1K8jYpU

Baby

We're in rm 308!

Photos

We'll post a gallery later, but here are a few shots : )