Whew.

Flying as a family of FIVE!

I went to Target yesterday and it was so quiet I could hear voices in my head.  No, seriously, for almost 7 weeks straight I have spent all my waking minutes with 2, then 3 needy, talkative children. Constantly in demand, constantly asked questions, barraged by little people and all the background noise that comes with them.

Then.  Quiet. My brain didn't even know what to do with the silence so it just rambled on with voices filtering in and out of my consciousness. Taking away the silence.

I think that's exactly where I'm at right now.  I just did something huge.

Huge.

First time flyer!

But there are only a  few moments when I've paused, and said, 'I just lived in Ukraine for 6 weeks while adopting a child that is the fruition of a 12 year long dream."  Because as soon as I stop and say that, and then look around to see if that actually happened, it's too much.  The silence is overwhelming.  I need to put away laundry, buy baby wipes, feed Max. Background noise breaks through and seeps into the contemplative moments.  And of course I'm completely exhausted.  Jet lag seeps into everything I do-in fact, I fell asleep in between writing that sentence and then one above!

Before I fall asleep again, I want to share the last moments of our adoption:  the journey home.

Thursday morning we woke and in darkness drove to the airport while listening to the news that Putin had officially invaded Ukraine.  Nikolai was kind enough to help with our luggage and after we made it through security Bard and I drank lattes while watching them load our luggage onto the plane.   This was really happening, we were taking Max home with us!  It didn't even seem real, Cici had asked the night before if we were still allowed to keep Max.

Yes.

The flight to Frankfurt was uneventful Lufthansa airlines plied us with pacifier holders and puppets. Germany has got this capitalism thing down. Of course they were trying to make up for the fact that once in Frankfurt they would make us disembark onto the tarmac and load onto an over full bus that delivered us right back to the terminal we had spent seven hours in just six weeks ago.   Evelyn said, "Wouldn't it be funny if we watched Frozen here again, just like we did before?" No.  It.  Would.  Not.

Then, to really make sure we did not buy into that German efficiency stereotype, they made us carry our luggage down three flights of stairs, onto another bus, off to the tarmac, and up another flight of stairs where a flight attendant tried to give me a Lufthansa pacifier holder and Cars beach ball.

Listen lady...

Now for the ten hour flight. The girls were in movie heaven.  And aside from the fact that I didn't sleep, the food was death in my mouth disgusting, and my poor little boy had no idea what it meant to be rocked to sleep, or why I would dare try to put anything even remotely lukewarm in his mouth-the flight went pretty well.  And if I wanted to feel bad for myself, I could just look at the lady in front of me who had three children the same ages as our own.  By herself.  And they did great.

Dang German efficiency.

Bring me my Mcnuggets!

We were all exhausted but exhilarated as the plane touched down and we cheered to welcome America's newest citizen-Max Luippold.  Who marked the occasion by sleeping.  See, he's already a typical American child-ungrateful ;) Customs and immigration were really not that bad, it was just that by that point we'd been awake for 20 hours straight-after only 4 hours of sleep.  But they welcomed Max to America and off we went, loading three children into our car for the first of 8 million times!

Max arrived to his new home, met his new grandma and grandpa, and ate his first meal  an American citizen-berry mix and oat cereal.  Hey, give me a beak, I'll get the kid to McDonalds as soon as I can!  He didn't know it, but he had just walked into the first loving home he's ever known.  Went to sleep in a bed that was bought especially for him, and was fed by family who will not rotate out every few months but stay and love him forever.

I don't know if he's ever felt love like that, I don't even know if you have, but let me tell you, there's nothing like it in the world. We walked into our home and were welcomed by Ukrainian decorations.  Big sister banners over the girls doors, our first family photo framed and on the mantle, frozen meals in the fridge, snacks for us and Max on the counter. After enduring three hours off World War 3 to get the girls to stay up and eat dinner, we all crashed and had a good night's sleep.  I woke and decided to stress about things I needed for Max.  We were almost out of wipes.  I only had two bowls.  He didn't have any more clean onesies.  Then I remembered the amazing ladies who had thrown me a baby shower the weekend before we left.  I looked through the gifts.  Oh, wipes.  Oh, bowls.  Bottles.  Toys. Clothes. Snacks.  I sat in my room, looking at all the gifts, at his welcome home sign decorated with the Ukrainian flag, and cried.

Max, this is love.

Ukrainian Love

I spent a $120 at Target on baby food,  clothes, cereal, bibs, and more.  And paid for it all with gift cards. And cried. I checked my email (Hello Verizon SIM card, welcome back!) and saw people signing up to bring us meals over the next week.  And cried.  On the way to Target I drove past two ladies sitting outside a coffee shop.  It brought tears to my eyes because they just don't even know how blessed they are to live in a country that is not at war, that is not bankrupt, that is not in fear.  We are all blessed.  And I am blessed most of all.

When you step outside of yourself and follow a path that cannot be walked alone, you give people the opportunity to walk with you. And there is no fellowship sweeter than that of friends who are really, truly, there for each other.

This is love.

Last Post from Ukraine!!

All my bags are packed, I'm ready to go.

 

Well okay, I forgot to pack my toiletries bag into my luggage, and doing so may cause it to burst at the seams, but that's what duct tape is for, right?!

 

THIS IS IT PEOPLE!!!

 

It's 4pm, we are eating our last Oliva pizza for dinner, giving Mr Stinky Pants a bath, Roman and his family are coming over to get the crib and say goodbye, then the girls go to bed, we go to bed, and then wake up (very soon after), and leave!  Our flight leaves at 5:45am for Frankfurt and then just a quick layover this time before the ten hour-I-wonder-how-we-will-all-do-on-that-plane-trip back to Home Sweet Home!

Goodbye Maidan!

 

Am I excited?!

 

We had a rough night with Stinker-more getting used to his transition from orphanage feeding styles-and are still feeling a bit under the weather.  But we left at 9am with Jenya to go get his medical form and then back to that little bit of American soil.  We had to wait and Bard was in the bathroom when they called us up so I went to the counter and there it was-his American Visa.  Do you know how hard it is to get an American Visa?  I almost cried, it was so beautiful and the last step in such a rigorous journey.  The lady reminded me of what I've known for months, as soon as our plane touches down, he will be an American citizen.

 

Do you know how beautiful that is?

 

We stopped by St Andrews descent on the way home because somehow I always need a few more gifts.  Then poor Jenya's car wouldn't start so we walked home.  Which was fine because we've made that walk dozens of times.  It was more than fine, we got to say goodbye.  Goodbye Queen Olga Statue. Goodbye St Michael's.  Goodbye St Sophia.  Goodbye suit store.  Goodbye old apartment.  Goodbye Produkti Store.  Goodbye O Bryans Pub.  The girls got into this game and it was fun but bittersweet.

 

I. Can. Not. Wait. To. Get. Home.

 

But saying goodbye is hard, especially when this country is now part of who we are as a family.

 

We returned "home" and the kiddos had some quiet time while I packed like a whirling dervish.  I was a little stressed, especially about getting Babushka Olga's 3 jars of preserves she gave us safely into the suitcase.  But I think we're good!  One last trip through Maidan, ice cream in hand, marveling at the changes that have occurred in this beautiful square during a few short weeks.  One last meandering trip through the subway mall, where I actually told Bard which direction to go-it only took six weeks people! And one last walk up the hill to our apartment.

 

Goodbye Kiev Inn!

Now here we are.  We arrived in Kyiv almost exactly 6 weeks ago.  As I told my favorite vendor Alex yesterday, now we live here.  This trip has changed more than just the number in our family.  It has changed us, deeply.  We see more.  We feel more.  We know more. We are more grateful.  I love this country.  As the plane takes off tomorrow I will cry tears of gratitude and tears of grieving.  Thank you for walking with us through this chapter in our lives.  I know there are many more to come, but this was a huge one.  It sounds cliché, but we couldn't have done it without you-you are beautiful and you have touched our lives more than you will ever know.  Thank you for everything, and if I can humbly ask for more, please continue traveling with our family as we welcome Max back home.  It's a whole new beginning, mysterious, challenging, a softening.

 

I can't wait.

 

Hello Hello

I don't know why you say goodbye I say hello

Hello Hello

Chocolate, History, Chocolate, and Friends-Catch Up Part Three

LEAVING, ON A JET PLANE!!



Off we go!

Yes, Bard is buying our return tickets RIGHT NOW!  We found out this morning that Max's passport came in so we go to the embassy and medical clinic tomorrow and then should have everything we need to come home.  A quirk or two could still pop up, so please pray everything goes smoothly.  Then, it looks like we will be heading to Frankfurt at the lovely hour of 5:45am on Thursday-because if you are going to start your 20 hour flight home with three young children, you may as well start it by waking them up at 2am, right?

Suck it up kids, I'm going home.

Since today was our last free day, I wanted to visit the Ukrainian National History Museum, finish up my shopping on St Andrews descent, eat at the Lviv chocolate shop, and take the Kyiv funicular back up.  Oh, and pack. And rest so we can be healthy.

Suck it up mama, you can sleep when you're dead!



Ukrainian Warriors!

Off we went, with baby brother in the ergo, which he mostly did okay with and enjoyed an hour long tour of four floors, 15 centuries of Ukrainian history.  Yes, I realize that's insane, but we still were able to see some fun artifacts and really, for 2 dollars a person, you just can't beat any historical experience!  Max was getting cranky, so we skipped a floor (sorry 16th century) and headed out for some shopping and chocolate.  He was still fussy and we were trying to feed him a (gasp!) only lukewarm bottle, avoid a blowout, keep the sun out of his eyes, when Cecilia just started screaming Putin murder.  She had been stung by a bee.

Funicular!

Dear Ukraine, I love you so much, why?

 This is my one who does not recover so we purchased just one item and then headed to the chocolate shop.  Remember I told you about this place?  Yeah, I ate all that chocolate!  Plus, they apparently have the most amazing melted chocolate that you eat with a little spoon from heaven.  And, to make chocolate even better, we were able to meet up with some wonderful friends who are here adopting teenagers and we all were just thrilled with this restaurant.  Why have I not been there every day?  We maybe should have hiked off the chocolate back up the hill-and when I say hill, think San Francisco-but we have been wanting to take the funicular and not been able to since it was broken for a month.  Dear Ukraine...Anyway it was a totally cool experience and the girls loved it.  Even Cici, after eating chocolate cake, melted chocolate, and riding what is essentially a trolley roller coaster, managed to almost stop scowling.  We walked back together and yay, got a little treatment for Cici's bee sting (really, poor baby :( ) 

Listen, adoptive families are just the best community, we are so blessed by all the people we've met along the way-we love you!

Now we have a passport, a completed visa application, and plane tickets to Seattle!!

Dasvadanya!

Den Nezyahleshnestii-Catch Up Part Two

I love Russian and Ukrainian languages, nobody else in the world manages to put so many consonants together and think it's totally great.  On the flip side (of the world) Hawaii does the same thing with vowels.  I think the Hawaiian and Ukrainian languages should get together-they would make beautiful babies.

So Sunday was Independence Day in Ukraine-marking the day that they officially separated from the Soviet Union.  Although it is not one of Putin's favorite holidays (he likes dates that have three 6s) it is one of the biggest holidays in the country, especially since they are at war with aforementioned dictat, er, president.

Now, I was very excited about being here over Independence Day, what a wonderful opportunity! 

Dear Ukraine, I love you so much and want to see everything you have to offer, why do you keep trying to kill me?!

Yes, we got sick again :/  I know, right?  Even though I felt better, I still was dealing with nausea on and off throughout the week (in fact my stomach is even a bit sensitive today, I'm on the two meal a day diet) and then Bard come down with a nasty head cold on Thursday, which sure enough, I caught on Saturday.  I did okay for Babushka's visits on Saturday and Monday, which of course was the priority, but was pretty out of it Sunday-for all the main festivities.  We missed the parade, which was basically a huge show of military strength, tanks, soldiers, and a speech by the president that stated time for talking was over and all this military would be in the East by the next day, it was time to take back their country.

Go for it Ukraine, stand up for what's right and don't let anything stop you.

So despite not feeling well we still wanted to take part in the celebration-and the spirit of countryhood.  Don't let the news fool you-these people are Ukrainian.  Everyone showed such a huge demonstration of national pride, (not cute gimmicky t shirts, of which of course I own) wonderful attire, flags, music, camaraderie-and this all from the people, not part of any show.  There were soldiers and veterans everywhere and probably thousands of people flowing in and out of Maidan all day-which was unrecognizable from when we first arrived in Kyiv.  I honestly don't know how they renovated it so quickly, everything from working fountains, planted flower beds to repaving the streets and removing graffiti.  They took back what was theirs and they can do it again. It was fun just to be amongst the crowd, appreciating Ukraine.  The kids were all wearing traditional Ukrainian outfits and we received more than one smile and compliment-they thought we were Ukrainian!

Well, we are :)

All in all it was a fun day, and although it probably extended our being sick it was worth it.  Happy Independence Day Ukraine, we love you!

Babushka Olga, Catch Up Part One

"A good woman is hard to find, she is worth far more than diamonds."

King Solomon

 

I have been told that I am a strong woman.  I tell you with all honesty, I am a mere shadow compared to the women in my life who stand as giants of strength, grace, compassion, and generosity.

 

Babushka Olga is such a woman.

 

When we first heard that Max had a grandmother who visited him regularly, we were optimistic and pessimistic.  To find any family connection or information in international adoption is rare. And any window into your child's past is priceless  However, many adoptive families face challenges from birth families-who don't want to take the child in themselves and maybe have never even visited him, but simply don't want him to be adopted because of the stigma.  And their word can keep that child in an orphanage until he ages out of the system.

 

So with excitement and trepidation we met Babushka Olga. And were instantly folded into her arms of kindness and humility.  Each Monday we visited with her as she greeted us with presents-dolls, stickers, hairbows and chocolates for the girls-and feasts of traditional Ukrainian food that she harvested and prepared for us herself.  As if that weren't enough, she gave us the treasure of learning about her and Max's family. How she was born of ten children in the middle of World War 2.  Of starvation and family death, of studying in Kyiv to be a librarian and of holding Max on the day he was born.

 

These days became sweetly joyful and heartbreakingly painful for me as I watched the closeness

One of our feasts!

between her and Max, as we all grew close to her, as I know that closeness would soon stretch across oceans.  We now have an incredible video library of her singing and playing with Max, telling their family history, and of all our Monday visits.  We knew over a week ago that it would be our last Monday with her and had hoped to ask her if after we picked Max we could come to her town and visit before we had to fly home. It was quite a shock when I realized that could not happen and with tears told Vitaly this could not be the last time we saw her.  I said we would go anywhere. She said she would go anywhere.

 

Giving Max his cross pendant.

So Babushka Olga came to Kyiv!  Saturday was an amazing day, full of blessings and memories.  Since he was two months old she has only been able to visit him an hour or so a week at the orphanage.  Saturday she could feed him, rock him, play with him, to his and hers heart's content.  We went to Perchaskaya Lava, the oldest monastery and one of the most famous churches in Ukraine.  A priest from this monastery came to the orphanage and baptized Max when he was younger, giving him a small cross pendant.  Olga asked if we had received that necklace when we picked him up at the orphanage.  We of course had not but were able to find an exact match and purchase it as a gift from his grandmother.  Afterwards we enjoyed a traditional Ukrainian meal, capped off by the traditional Ukrainian blow out diaper on your grandma in the middle of the restaurant.

 

Well, that's true love. :)

 

After we had exchanged gifts, looked at pictures, watched the girls perform Frozen, and other regular family activities, it was time to say goodbye.  This moment was really too much for all of us and we broke the tension quickly be realizing that we could visit again on the following Monday (this was Saturday.)

 

Cleaned the apartment and set out tea for Babushka Olga!

Babushka Olga took the train up again and we had another nice day.  A little quieter as we just did a

short excursion, to a lovely park by the History Museum and a walk through Landscape Alley, an amazing mosaic park for children of all ages. Another feast was prepared for us and this this time we received the additional treat of Babushka Olga's own recipes for her favorite Ukrainian foods!  And, she told us that as I would be busy with the children, Bard should do the cooking.

 

I like this woman.

 

I know I keep saying priceless, but to have his own grandmother's recipes is unbelievable.  Priceless. 

 

Goodbyes were still emotional and left all of us drained.  But I am holding onto hope that we can stay in touch through letters and Skype.  Yes.  Babushka Olga has Skype.

 

Max just kicked and babbled as she blessed each one of us in the traditional orthodox manner, begging us not to offend him.  But even though he doesn't know it yet, a little piece of his heart walked out the door with that beautiful woman.

 

Maxim Everett Bard Luippold, I promise you I will do everything I can to nourish that piece of your heart, to honor your birth family, maintaining ties across miles and across time.





Ukraine

Day Six Thousand and Nine

On a dark desert highway, cool wind in my hair

Warm smell of colitis, rising up through the air

Up ahead in the distance, I saw a shimmering light

My head grew heavy and my sight grew dim

I had to stop for the night

 

 

Why we're here :)

Okay, there was nothing cool about it but when Nikolai turned up everyone's favorite Eagles song I had to chuckle a bit (so as to avoid sobbing) at the irony.  We had a bit rougher night last night, 2 out of 3 children woke up 3 times-total.  Cecilia was having a nightmare (I think) and Max woke up hungry at 4:12 am-I know because even bleary eyed a mom can always tell the time so she can complain about it later!  As I mentioned, we haven't quite figured out his feeding, last night for his bottle he barely drank anything, hence the morning wake up call. Today I am buying a bottle and cutting open the nipple so we can feed him a thick porridge like his nannies did-which makes me a bad American parent but I am in Ukraine, so suck it.  No, really, please Max-you need to eat!  When we get home we'll figure out the best way to transition him.  I'm sure everything will be super calm and easy back in the States, after all, I have 5 whole days before school starts for both girls.

 

SILENT SCREAM!!!!!

 

 

Anyway, we were pretty tired this morning and had to leave early to get to our embassy appointment.  I don't know whether it was the lack of sleep, being gone for 5 weeks and 4 days, or the whole gambit of emotions running through me ever single second, but seriously when I saw the embassy building with its English writing and American flag waving in the wind, I just wanted to cry!  No waiting, we were in and out in 15 minutes.  However, at our appointment it was also confirmed that we get our passport on Tuesday which means visa and clearance on Wednesday, which means flying out on Thursday.  That is pretty much what we had been thinking but I had been holding onto a tiny glimmer of hope for Wednesday.  It's silly because so many others have ran into delays of weeks or months, but despite loving Ukraine, I just want to home.

 

 

Welcome to the Hotel California

Such a lovely place (such a lovely place)

Such a lovely face

Plenty of room at the Hotel California

Any time of year (any time of year) you can find it here

 

 

Totally unfair, but kinda hard to resist :)  So after the embassy Nikolai dropped the girls and I off at the apartment while he took Bard and Max to the clinic for his medical examination.  Let's use the word examination very loosely, and let's not use the word medical at all, sound good? Well at least the poor kid wasn't poked and prodded, after missing his morning snack and nap, that would hardly be fair.  He is sleeping soundly now, probably tired from making Dada walk all over, trying to dive out of his arms, and being what more than one babushka has already referred to as "activa."  Twenty four hours in 4 different airports and 3 different planes.  Yay.  Not sure why I am so ready for that experience!

 

It's been absolutely amazing to be here and there are even several more experiences that I am looking forward to before we leave.  I will treasure these memories for my entire life.  But even though we're now in the home stretch (ha!) and facing the smallest time frame we've had so far, it just feels like next Thursday will never come.  It will and then I will be confronted with aches of leaving - for my own attachments - but more so for those of my son. But that is next week and right now I'm a little stuck.

 

Maybe we will play some classic rock :)

Last thing I remember, I was

Running for the door

I had to find passage back to the place I was before

'Relax' said the night man,

We are programmed to receive.

You can check out any time you like,

But you can never leave! 
 
 



The Skinny

Dawn of a new day.

Wow.

I had written two pages about the last few days-what actually happened-but stupid blogger just deleted  it!  That's it, I'm switching to a diary!

Dear Diary, you are so much better than blogger, who is not my friend anymore and not invited to my birthday party!  And did you see Sawyer advertising watches on that billboard? I knew I liked this country!

Oh well, basically I wrote that I have spent almost two full days driving around in the backseat of a car with three children, 2 of which are tired and cranky and a third who for the most part is not-and that makes the behavior of the other two all the more annoying!

First time in a carseat

But how is Max?  He has done really well, marvelously well as a matter of fact!  He sleeps, plays, chatters, and crawls around the apartment (when he isn't strapped into a sweaty carseat that is.)  We've struggled s bit with feeding but I think we are finding a good balance-for now.  It's pretty standard at most orphanages for them to feed one year olds more like 6 month babies.  Mushy puree, only warm food/drink, bottles, that kind of thing.  Before we picked him up Director Tatiana was kind enough to copy his schedule and write out the details for us, and on Tuesday Vitaly translated it so we have been lucky enough to know what and when he eats and sleeps.  But, of course it's going to be different and I'm worried he's not eating enough.

First feeding

I'll be the first adoptive parent whose kid loses weight after leaving the orphanage!

He's sleeping now though, at least until we wake him for his night feeding (hey kiddo, don't get mad at me, I'm just following instructions!  That will be one of the first things we change back in the States!)  He wore himself out screaming during his bath (oops, forgot to get the Jacuzzi) but then was a happy camper to have our second family bed time.  The girls are so excited it almost negates the idea of bed time, but their sweetness also helps them survive another day without being put on a DHL flight back home!

Speaking of CPS, we're in the land of Yogurt here and so when I read that on his meal plan for morning snack I just pulled one of the three favors I had out of the fridge.  I have never seen a child so offended in my life!  I am pretty sure he called CPS on us and that's very impressive since he doesn't speak English and can't use a phone.  Do not give that child cold yogurt.  Do.  Not.

Sidenote-while I am blogging Bard is filling out a form online-for our own government-here's some of the questions our government asks people applying for Visas-

-Are you coming to the US to practice polygamy?
-Do you seek to engage in espionage or spy tactics while in the US?
-Are you a member of a terrorist organization?

First time sleeping with a family.

-Have you ever renounced your citizenship to avoid paying taxes?
-Have you ever engaged in genocide?

Your tax dollars people, hard at work generating questions to catch idiots.

Tomorrow we head to our embassy (just kidding 'Merica, I love you!) and to the medical clinic.  Our passport is being processed and we should have it Tuesday afternoon, then final medical and visa on
Wednesday, flight on Thursday!

Home ,where my thought's escaping

Home, where my music's playing

Home, where my love lies waiting

Silently for me.

Introducing for the First Time Ever...

Meeting Max

Maxim Everett Bard Luippold!

Maxim
This is his given name and our hope all along has been to keep his name the same.  Maxim is actually one of the names I was hoping for when we went to our first referral appointment!  The name means "Greatest" and I think nothing could fit him better. Whether born into poverty or riches, every child is precious, every child is valuable, and every child is full of beautiful potential.   Max had all those attributes before we adopted him.  We did not change who he was, he was already great.  But our hope is that by becoming part of our family maybe he will have a better chance at sharing that greatness with the world, and at the very least, we are thrilled that he will share it with us!  Max, you are the greatest son and the greatest baby brother that we could have hoped for!

Everett
When I was a very little girl, my grandpa was pushing me on the swing.  He asked if I knew how much he loved me.  When I replied, he said that there was someone who loved me even more and that was Jesus. It is my first memory of being aware that life was more than the world around us.  Something existed outside of us, bringing purpose, order, grace.  It was my first recollection of Love. As I grew older I saw my grandpa live out that love in how he served others-whether it was serving my grandmother by doing the dishes so she could sit and visit with us or serving his country by leading his tank unit to take Utah Beach on D-Day.  His name was Everett.  It means brave and could not possibly be more appropriate for describing one of my earliest heroes and now his little great grandson, who at 14 months has already faced many fears and will continue to fight through them,
carrying on the legacy of his family.

Bard

First family photo

Once upon a time there was a Dr, Samuel Bard, who happened to have a rather famous patient.  You may have heard of him, he was our first president.  His name and his story have been carried on through his family, right up to now and we will continue the tradition.  But I have to be honest (I cannot tell a lie) I do not give the name Bard to my son because of its cool background, even though as a historian, it thrills me to no end.  No, Max will carry the name to honor two far more important people, his grandmother and great grandmother.  Bard's grandmother Lisa "Lili" passed away not too long ago but in the short time I was privileged to know her, I was blessed.  Blessed to spend time with one of the most gracious people I have ever met. Blessed to bask in her generosity and always open arms welcome.  And blessed to sit at the feet of one of the greatest storytellers-she lived up to her middle name!  Bard's mom also has the middle name.  I should probably be disappointed that I will never be able to take  part in all the fun mother in law jokes, but I make the best of it ;)  I am constantly inspired by her grace and her heart, by her prayers, and by her compassion.  Max, feel free to grow up and be a doctor like your namesake, but if you take even a little of the heart of these two women, you will go far no matter what you do.  And you can do
anything.

As we were driving home from the orphanage (with three quick stops for passport photos and applications-and by quick I mean excruciatingly long), a wonderfully cheesy 80s song came over the radio.

Take my breath away

Take my breath away

My love, take my breath away

Cheesy or not I started to cry.  All the work, all the pain, all the stress, and now to sit in a car and look and my sleeping son, it takes my breath away.

First night meeting Max



No One Ever Said Life Was Fair

After yesterday’s emotional post, I was planning on posting something light and fun.  Although we didn’t expect to bring little man with us until tomorrow, we would spend all day today driving around to various government offices and that was sure to give me some hilarity to report back to you.

Nothing hilarious about waking up with the flu in the middle of the night.  Yes, you read that right, the last domino fell.  After stressing all night about  being able to complete our paperwork-and feeling miserable in every which way-I had myself pretty convinced that Bard could do it on his own because we had signed, notarized, and apostilled documents back in May giving each other the permission to adopt individually.  We weren’t totally sure that was the case but Bard left at 8:15 with Evelyn as planned and we found out by 9:15 that it was fine for him to be on his own.  Whew.  By that point I wasn’t feeling like moving would make me vomit, so that was another plus.

But, two questions remained, could Bard accomplish all the paperwork in one day allowing us to get baby brother out of the orphanage?  And, would I feel better so as not to be contagious to him or give the rest of the family another round of the Ukrainian Plague?  At first I was really hoping it was somehow food poisoning, not the flu, and of course I don’t know for sure, but it feels like the flu. L  Bard made it to the last office with minutes to spare before closing and we are officially parents to our third child.

One less orphan.

A cause to celebrate and a day I’ve waited for, endlessly.  But it’s 8:30 at night and I still feel sick.  Bard went and bought cleaner with bleach and is proceeding to dip our apartment into it, piece by piece.  But I have no idea what will happen tomorrow.  We are supposed to leave at 7:40am to go apply at the passport office and then go to the orphanage.  Then we come back here and complete the passport application-with his pictures-and submit it for approval.  It’s the longest step in our current process and if we wait it could delay us an unknown amount of time.
Please pray.

Fix You

I can't stop the rain

From falling down on you again

Mondays are terrible and as I sit here crying on the couch I think this Monday is the worst of all.  Because I did something terrible today.  I told one of the kindest and most generous people I have ever met that I was taking someone who is precious to her away.  Far away.  And she will not see him anymore.  Mondays will become terrible for her. And it does not matter that we will send letters and make phone calls.  It does not matter that when he is old enough we hope to visit Ukraine.  And it does not matter that we have bought her books to inscribe for him, videos to show him, letters to write for him, and that the first letters he can write, will be sent to her. Because it's all just not fair.

I can't stop the rain

But I will hold you til it goes away

So I did the only thing you can do when reminded of the great tragedies that exist in our world.  The deep hurts that seem timeless and cruel.  I cried.  And as I sat on the couch, sobbing, ten feet from my sleeping girls who have never known pain in their short yet blessed lives, I wished for a world that was different.  A world where families stood together, not split apart.  Lives that could encourage and give, not tear down and turn away; blind with anger or indifference.  But I cried because I do not live in that world.

When you try your best but you don't succeed

When you get what you want but not what you need

When you feel so tired but you can't sleep

Stuck in reverse

And miles away, I know she cried with me. I know she has tried to fix everything and I know she wants peace in her heart and her family. And she cried as she walked in the door this morning because she saw us and knew she had a little more time. Then I took that time away from her. And really, she has so little else to hold on to. Yes, I know it's not my fault..  As I cried I clung to the truth that I know cleanses hurts and takes away their time. I pray that she can rest in the arms of truth..  That rest does help the grief, but it will still come, in waves of grief over all of us throughout this journey, for years to come.  Because something is very, very broken.

And the tears come streaming down your face

When you lose something you can't replace

When you love someone but it goes to waste

Could it be worse?

Adoption is not the solution to these problems.  That doesn't mean you shouldn't adopt.  You should. Because there are too many children in every country, all over the world who are waiting for someone to love them. Many of them don't even know they are waiting, because they cannot grieve something they never had.  Fight for them.  Give them a voice. Touch their lives with your hand, with your money, if you can't open up your home, open up your heart. Do whatever it takes.  Let your heart break for them.  Because someone's should.  And because someone's heart broke for you.

My soul longs for you

My soul longs for you

Nothing else will do

Nothing else will do

I believe you will come like the rain

I believe you will come like the rain, I believe it

So let it rain, let it rain, let it rain, let it rain

Let it rain, let it rain, let it rain, let it rain

But let me live, with my heart live

I love this city.


Me, the girls, Taraa Shevchenko

No, you're not reading a duplicate post :)  We just had such a lovely day it makes me thankful that we have had a once in a lifetime opportunity to enjoy the beauty of another culture.

Today was Sunday, and although we have been trying to go to church on Sundays (which is quite an adventure!) what with moving and puking, and busying for the past week, we decided to take it easy today.  It was the first day in quite a while that we didn't have to pack snacks, activities, water, Kleenex, hand sanitizer, epi pen, sun block, baby brother's toys, camera, all three phones, passports, money, juice boxes, and a garbage bag and then rush out the door to spend two hours in a car.  And although all that is worth it and I would do more and do it again, I don't think I realized how draining it has been, especially in 92 degree weather.  Today was a brisk 75 degrees (both girls said they were cold) and we spent a leisurely  morning at the apartment before heading out around 11 to enjoy another experience on my bucket list.

One nice metro stop away was the Shevchenko Park, Museum, and University because as I have mentioned everything good in Ukraine, comes from Taras Shevchenko. Poet, artist, political figure extraordoinare, Shevchenko is regarded by Ukrainians as the Father of their cultural identity.  It was a beautiful walk through the park which not only has wonderful walkways, shaded grassy lawns, a great playground and fun street musicians, but much to my children's delight-and then frustration-pony rides, rentable mini cars, and a small carnival!  But I steadfastly ignored their cajoling and rounded the corner to my own carnival-his museum.

For once Trip Advisor led me astray because the two stars given to this museum are ridiculously uninformed.  The ground floor hosts a striking exhibit to the recent events at Maidan, against the backdrop of Shevchenko-known for his own political dissidence.  But the two floors above, featuring his life story and displaying a wealth of artifacts-his own and those from the 19th century-as well as an impressive collection of his poetry, writings, oil paintings, sketches, water colors, and furniture, are an absolute treasure.  Born a serf to an estate not too far from Kyiv, this man rose to astronomical heights, some during his time but even more impressively as his legacy which stretches across Ukraine and around the world-including a monument dedicated to him that can be found in Washington DC.

Except for the unfortunate moments when my daughter (no not that one, the other one) through a fit and was taken from the gallery then brought back and forced to apologize in Ukrainian to the curator, I was in heaven.  There's just not much else I'd like to do on a Sunday afternoon than take a stroll through a picturesque park, enjoy my latte from Urban Espresso, and dive into the world of a surprisingly brilliant literary and artistic giant.  And did I mention that the musician in the park was an incredibly talented electric guitar play who performed House of the Rising Sun while we sat on a bench and enjoyed ice cream?  Perfectly delightful.

Bard reads Shevchenko poems to the girls while they watch
Pharrell Williams.

After a bit of lunch (okay, that actually came before the ice cream and was eaten at a hilarious "Rock and Roll Café" complete with KISS décor and videos of Ricky Martin, Elton John, and Avril Lavigne playing in the background-I can't make this stuff up people.)  We walked back through the park and rested during the rest of the afternoon.  Well, they rested, I went and did some shopping-my biggest excursion on my own yet, but hey, those Seahawks Matroshka dolls aren't going to buy themselves!  And besides, I needed a jersey for the Dynamo Kyiv game we had bought tickets for tonight.

Just hanging with my new buddy, Lukman Haruna

Yes!  This was incredible!  A major team with world renown players and we not only went but sat first row, right behind the players' bench!  AND!! One of their mid fielders is injured so he watched the game from the stands-in the row next to us!  The stadium is absolutely beautiful, we had VIP seating, Dynamo Kyiv won the game, people in the subway were chanting all the way back home (side note, we are not really supposed to be out after dark, but we were with Roman and since they cleaned up Maidan there is such a huge police presence-at the game, both subway stops, and our street-we felt totally safe.)  It was just fantastic, a crazy cool experience and one that I'll never forget.

So, today satisfied my artistic and athletic side and was just fun all around.  The girls were chanting for Dynamo Kyiv all the way home (before falling asleep within ten minutes of laying down.)  I'm so glad they are with us and I'm very glad that I have had the opportunity to experience so much of my son's birth country.  It is not only an honor to be here, it's a joy.  Now, tomorrow we have a party at the orphanage to celebrate our last visit before the ten day waiting period is over and we can pick up our court decree.  Does it seem like life is speeding up to you?  It does to me!  I really don't even know what the date is, but let's mark it down as a good one :)

Next time, it will be the whole family :)

History Making

Imagine there's no countries

It isn't hard to do

 

Fighter jets over the orphanage

I've never been in a country at war.  Yes, of course I am familiar with the Gulf War, Iraq, and countless other fighting, but those are far off places and even though I am friends with people who went there and fought, I think even they'd be the first to say how very different war is in your own country. Imagine if Mexico invaded Nevada.  If Mexico invaded Nevada.  Do you realize how ridiculous that sounds?  We can't even picture it.

 

Donetsk is ten hours from here.  It would take me longer to drive to Northern Nevada than to drive to Donetsk.  So when they say they are sending their soldiers to the front, they mean a days drive.  Yesterday four fighter jets flew over us while we were at the orphanage.  Now  I live near a huge air force base and it's actually been odd to not have military planes flying over me at any given hour.  However I am fairly confident those planes are not at risk of being shot down within just a few hours of me seeing them.

 

Nothing to kill or die for

And no religion too

 

Today we had the honor of going to the World War Two Museum.  Something I've been wanting to do since before I left home.  My own grandfather landed on-and survived- the beaches of Normandy and proceeded to fight his way through Europe as a Tank Commander in the Army.  I took pictures of Soviet tanks used by Ukrainians in World War 2 and wondered just what they've seen.  I think it's hard for most Americans to imagine the devastation in Europe wrought by their Great Patriotic War.  Exact numbers are hard to come by but estimates show a loss of 8-10 million lives.  That's every single person in New York City.  Gone.  A generation of men.  Gone.

 

And  all because one man was egotistical maniac.  And all because one country followed him to their demise.  And all because countless other countries refused to stand up to his madness.  Until it was almost too late.

 

Imagine all the people

Living life in peace

 

Soviet tanks used by Ukrainians in
The Great Patriotic War

Nowadays we like to think we're better than that, we learned our lesson, history will not repeat itself.  Well, on that scale, we're probably right.  But what scale of human life is deemed an appropriate loss?  Are you familiar with the Budapest Memorandum on Security Assurances?  No? Interesting, I am slightly surprised yet not at all really, that I have not seen any of our fine politicians commenting on it recently.  It seems to me they have some BS, I mean justifying to do considering current events in Eastern Europe.

 

Ukrainian Soldier over the crushed
Nazi Eagle

You see, my son was born into a country at war.  A country fighting the ludicrous yet dangerous ambitions of a cruel man who cares nothing for the children of his own country, let alone the world. And although it is beautiful here and I feel very safe and I am eating lots of chocolate, war is a constant reminder, storm clouds on a sunny horizon.  And not just because the man driving me could be drafted to the front lines.  Ten hours away.  And so I pray for his birth country, for peace and for strength as they stand up and fight for their freedom.  But I also pray for his adoptive country.  For integrity and wisdom, to stand up and fight for freedom-that they swore to protect.

 

Some day I will tell him about his great grandfather and great uncle, who died in World War 2.  And I will tell him about his other grandpa who fought for freedom on the beaches of France. And he will be proud.  Then I will tell him about this war, how I was here and I saw it.  I just hope that we can both be proud of the ending.

 

You may say I'm a dreamer

But I'm not the only one

 

 

Protecting the Motherland

After leaving the museum, where she saw more death than life, Cecilia commented, "I don't want to destroy things, I want to help them when I grown up."  With her brother, a new generation.

 

I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will live as one





Sentimental

A high school

I love this city. I've always been a bit European at heart and am fortunate enough to have spent time in Italy as well as a bit in Paris and London.  But living here for over a month definitely surpasses those visits!  The culture is just so beautiful and being a historian, especially one focused on European and Russian history, much of what I am experiencing is straight out of one of my books.  And I love it.  I've started telling  the girls how much they are going to miss the buildings and food but they do not seem to have developed a deep appreciation for 17th century style architecture.  Oh well.

Paris is the first European city I visited and after being there five minutes I could have died and gone to heaven, happily complete with my life.  Now Paris of course sets quite a high standard as far as European cities go, but this is a capital city too and it holds its own.  I love all the open squares, full of statues, scenic and pedestrian friendly.  I've been to old cities in the US, and you certainly do drive past monuments, but nothing compared to the European scale.  There are so many statues outside buildings and in squares, that even the residents don't know who they all are.  And it's not that they're ignorant here-it was the same in Russia, London, Italy-there are just too many to learn!

Me and my buddy, Bogdan,
I'm gonna miss that guy!

And the buildings.  Oh the buildings!  On our drive home this afternoon I was telling the girls how fabulous the buildings are here, especially compared to our boring ones back home.  Maybe it was the Mcdonalds in their stomachs or Sophia the First on the screen in front of them, but they were not in a mood to appreciate Europe.   So many of the buildings are so old and even new ones are done in the classical style.  Besides that, they are painted with a marvelous sense of color.  Forget buildings of brown, gray, metal, and glass-not that they don't have those-especially in the newer parts of the city.  But why stick to builder's beige when you can have turquoise?!  Red, salmon, pink, bright yellow-regular office buildings are so much more fun here than back home.

Anyway, I am planning a whole blog devoted to differences between the two cultures (one page alone dedicated to the superiority of chocolate.)  But I was feeling sentimental today since we have begun our countdown. I know it sounds odd, but I've read, studied, and immersed myself so much in European culture that whenever I've been here and have to leave, it makes me so sad.  Don't get me wrong, I can't wait to get back to the land of fresh coffee, peanut butter, and drinkable tap water, but this is my home too and I will miss it.

Well, I can't think of a song lyric for this rough transition, so let's just do it.

Today's visit was very fun, remember the Spanish couple who are adopting a little girl from the same orphanage?  They were back today after having court yesterday and threw a party for their little girl's group.  It was great to see them again and my girls enjoyed getting balloons and candy from them too!  Seeing all the kids in the group enjoy the fun was so memorable, and watching their little girl open presents, for the first time, and know that in just a few weeks she is going home to a family who will cherish her forever brought tears to all our eyes.

After our visit Roman drove us to Oceans Plaza (which I accidentally referred to Ocean's 11 for the second time!)  Holy cow, part of my differences blog has got to include the fact that they kick our butt when it comes to malls.  They're not shopping centers, they're mini Disneylands.  We can find most stuff at our little "produkti" but need to come to the malls for bigger and more random items-yes-sometimes the subway lets me down :(  Since you can't scrub puke out of sequined TOMS, Cecilia very much needed a new pair of shoes.  Add hand sanitizer, dried fruit, applesauce packets, and Ukrainian books, and you have quite a varied shopping trip.  But, I found great shoes and everything else on my list!  And, while Bard was paying, I even spotted a kiosk for Lviv chocolates-remember the gourmet handmade ones that we found a while ago?  I decided to buy you all some gifts and was extra pleased that the labels were in English-which is often not the case.  I bought a fun variety, thinking about who might like what and was quite satisfied until on the way home when I realized that the actual chocolates do not have English on the labels so unless I start translating a ton of random words I have no way of knowing if I am giving you chili chocolate or mint chocolate.

Huh.

Golden Gate

I was completely overstimulated from my shopping experience so the girls and I rested while Bard popped over to get a hair cut from my favorite Ukrainian hair stylist, Masha.  Since he didn't have to flirt with Riot Police, it didn't take very long and when he returned, we went out, adventuring.  We walked through the ever transforming Maidan-now they have cleared all the flower beds, planted tons, trimmed all the trees, taken down the stage, almost completely taken down the New Year Tree Memorial, and probably more I just can't take in all the changes. Oh, they cleaned Cici's puke-we know because both girls wanted to check so check we did!  We went up Kreschatyk, one of the main streets and high end shopping, and cut over to the Golden Gate which is a fortress that dates back to the 11th century and used to be part of the original city wall.  As you may have already gathered, I just love stuff like that and was thrilled to walk through the gate and see parts of the preserved wall.

New Year's Tree coming down

It was definitely an impressive walk for the girls, but they are strong Ukrainian devuchki by now so we went over and had dinner at The Burger-which is where we found all the hipsters of the city, the only restaurant we have seen a bottle of ketchup at-an event so thrilling that both girls commented on it-and paid three times more than we have at any other place.  But that was a tasty burger!

And, to our extra delight, we found a rolling carry on-to replace both the ones we managed to break in our first week of travel and snapped it up.  Shopping is a game here, it can be deceptively easy or impossibly hard, so when you find something, you buy it.  I'm actually a big follower of such a philosophy :)

All in all another good day-t minus four days!

Family

Postcards, coming your way!

What a wonderful day!  Today was the first time since last Thursday that we were all healthy.  Today was also the first day since Monday that we were able to visit the orphanage together-all five of us as a family.  Those two reasons are special enough, but in addition I was able to speak with Director Tatiana (who is actually the assistant director but she is the one we always see and interact with so I consider her Top Dog.)  Tatiana not only gave me quite a bit of helpful information regarding munchkin head's schedule and habits, but also made me a copy of the one that is kept in his room after taking me to his room!  If you have not gone through an adoption, that might not mean anything to you, but often times anyplace where the children live, play, and eat are off limits to adoptive families. For a month now we've seen the foyer, office, bathrooms, and visitation rooms-that's it.  And really, she is not supposed to show me anywhere else, but she's just awesome. So with Vitaly along to translate, we saw  little man's playroom (where the rest of his group were playing with two nannies) their sleeping area, a bathroom, a bathing room complete with Jacuzzi tub, I guess we'll have to get a Jacuzzi, you know, so he feels at home-a physical therapy room complete with nebulizers and ultra sound machines, a Montessori classroom (!), and the sensory and emotional wellness room.  The last room is where they play on days when they can't go outside and it has a giant tube that blows bubbles throughout the room as well as an aroma therapy machine that creates different scents.

Goodness!

I took pictures of everything-he is number 6 so I took a picture of number 6 crib, number 6 washcloth, number six potty chair, and so on.  It might seem funny, but if you have kids and you think about how many pictures you have of them doing things when they were a baby-I have none of that-but now at least I can show him-this was your life.  Priceless.

Then after all that busyness, Vitaly drove us to lunch at the Gogol Pub-named of course for the famous author and featured in  a classic film.  The restaurant was amazing, decorated beautifully with private seating, fountains and gardens outside and a recreated country village inside-with a starry night and indoor tree!  We had my favorite sweet garlic rolls (Evelyn and Bard eat the borscht, I eat

Scenic outdoors at the restaurant

the bread that comes with it!) And, although we've had blini (a type of pancake cooked with cheese, apples, chicken, chocolate, whatnot) probably 3 times a week, this place had the best, by far.  Then we crossed the street to Deitski Mir-Children's World-and I had the privilege of buying my son clothing that would be all his own-a first for him since coming to the orphanage at 2 months.  I let the girls each pick out an outfit and then sent them far away :)  I didn't buy too much-we'll probably only have him a week before coming home-but as you know, kids can go through three outfits on one plane trip alone!  Plus, I was having fun :)  For months and months and months I've wanted to buy him clothes, but since I didn't know who he was, how could I?  I think we should all be amazed at my great restraint!

Seeing as it was 94 degrees and we were all exhausted, we returned home and had some quiet time-I crashed after hosing the sweat off and Bard happily read The Lion, Witch, and the Wardrobe to Evelyn.  A nice dinner at our neighborhood Irish Pub (with a huge wall mural of all famous Irish people, Bono, Pierce Brosnan, and a bunch of others I didn't recognize because apparently I am not true to my Irish roots.)  We had successfully worn the girls out and they fell asleep like little lambs.  The heat is supposed to diminish a bit and since we got the bulk of the preparation out of the way, I am looking forward to enjoying a few more touristy activities over the next several days.

Countdown to breaking little man out of the orphanage and bringing him back to our apartment-T-minus five days and counting!