Day...Something or Other

Papers submitted, now begins the rigmarole that is bureaucracy. No matter what part of the world you are in-it's the same. If it seems better where you are at that is just because you are dealing with a known evil, versus a known evil :)

Just the parking lot of your average capitalist store.

Today we had a fun visit, the girls did shows for their little brother and he played with his favorite toy-a little Sunshine-Solnichko!  He was so active, busybusybusyboy!  On the way back from the orphanage we were dropped off at Bolshevik, otherwise known as Kievan Walmart.  Many things are easy to find in the subway-but a few specialty items require a trip to the Megamarket.  I figure if we go once a week, we're doing good.  This week's purchase were little single servings of applesauce for the girls-because it's easy to take in the car, a new tank top and dress for my messiest child -the one who has stained three items of clothing in one week-a tea steeper, chicken, and much to the girls' delight-a Russian Frozen puzzle.  And even though it's made by Disney, it's clearly made at a far lower quality than we would find in the States. Way to stay classy Disney.

Elsa is in pieces!

Then, after a blistering hot and sweat trickling down your back nastiness trip on the subway, we were home.  The afternoon is so far a fun Skype talk with Aunt Gen and Uncle Dan, Frozen puzzle (much better than the movie since it doesn't involve constant singing-shockingly Disney has not yet figured out how to make musical puzzles), and now we're getting ready to head out again, into the Wild Blue Yonder.

A trip to the subway for a photo album, stop by FotoTsenter to pick up the pictures we had printed off yesterday, and back to the apartment for Spaghetti Dinner Theater.  Now, in my 6 days of travel insanity before we left, I went to Target 48 times.  Each visit I played the role of Whirling Dervish and bought 2 gajillion necessary and unnecessary items, throwing things in my cart like I was the winner of one of contests that Toys R Us used to do where the kids could run up and down the aisles of the store for a minute, cramming as many toys as their greedy little hearts desired into the cart.

I so wanted to be that child.

So of course when I went by the DVDs on sale, I thought, I'll buy a few new ones, it will keep the girls occupied during down times.  I picked up Curious George, a favorite, and then saw the movie Annie.  Ahh nostalgia from childhood, I had to get it.

I swear on the tomb of Yaroslav the Wise (which I saw on Tuesday) that I did not make any connection between that movie and my current existence.

Believe me or not.

Then we put it in and started watching it with the girls.

Hello!

Sigh.  Lots of explanations went with this movie and my mind is gearing up for tonight's second installment.

Honestly, pregnancy brain has got NOTHING on adoption brain.  I have now (accidently) become the funniest person I know!

One of These Things is Not Like the Other

St Sophia, starting to feel familiar

Nothing to do with anything but it reminded me that on Saturday we tried to find a Russian/Ukrainian kids' show, something like Sesame Street, to help us all learn the language!  We had no luck with Russian (odd, right?) but found a German cartoon-that made sense-and more than one Arabic cartoon!  In fact a whole block of channels are Arabic even though I have not seen one single person of any kind of Middle Eastern ethnicity the whole time I've been here.  Weird. I'm going to try again for a kids show though, it's exactly the right level so I know it would help me!  We bought two toddler word books for little munchkin head (at the top level of the mall, whoops, remember I said only shop at the bottom level?!) and ironically they have helped Mama and Papa with what to say more than google translator!  Can't remember how to say bear, window, train, hand, shampoo, or uncle?  Quick, pull out your toddler book and look it up!

Awesome :)

We're really communicating fairly well.  Bard remembers more of the conversational dialogue than I do, but I am following along and unlike other trips to foreign countries when I've been so proud of my ability to ask a question only to fall, fall, fall, when the person answers with a string of gibberish, for the most part, we can muddle our way through what they are saying to us!  So yesterday I was thinking, you know, we're really living here, and it's okay.  Things are different, some better, some worse, but we are settling into a normalcy, a familiar, life. I felt pretty good.

Felt. Pretty. Good.

Past tense is just the worst of all tenses (especially in Russian where I still only know how to say maybe three verbs in the past!)

So this morning we had tears, gnashing of teeth, more tears, IwanttogobacktoAmericaImissmyfamilyintheUnitedStatesIdon'twanttobehereanymore!

:(

So we had some moments. I was frustrated because I felt like I've done extra to try and help the girls have fun-bought them treats, gone out to restaurants, eaten desserts, little presents, watched shows. But everything I gave them, they just wanted more, expected it, complained, demanded a different treat. In short, drove me crazy.

Sometimes, when we are out of sorts, we do not need anything special to feel better-although we may think we do-what we really need is to spend time with what's always been known to us.  To abide.

So this morning we danced around to worship music. Or, simply, worshiped.  Then this afternoon I sat with the girls and told them a story about who they are-princesses who are flying across the world to be with their prince-and then they each had their own quiet time.  Just like they would at home. Connection time. Familiar time. I think we will have a better day!

And what about that little prince? I am hoping to hear today that our papers were filed correctly with the SDA and then we wait for so and so and such and such to sign off on all the trees from the rain forest so we can find out a court date.  But, we had a lovely visit with him yesterday.  We were inside and he was much more active and talkative!  He's been fighting a bit of a cold and seemed to be feeling better-because he told us what for, how much, and just so. And, the Director, who is a wonderful lady, gave us permission to extend our visits, by just a half hour, but that's perfect.  So today we had a fun visit outside.  We went on the swings, set the blanket with toys on the grass (it wasn't 90 degrees yet so the shade was nice), danced to Daddy's iPhone, and played post office.  A game that involved the girls taking turns being the postal carrier and bringing baby brother all sorts of packages (toys from the Doma-house) and letters (leaves that I let Evelyn write on with my pen.)


My fearless adventurer!

Now we've had a calm afternoon, let the heat peak, and are going to head out for some errands. We want to make a photo album, buy me a new purse, and find a can opener so we can have beans with our fajitas tonight for dinner. All of that will be one stop shopping at our favorite store-you guessed it, the Subway! Since every time we leave the door, it's an adventure, I'm glad we're not ending the day the way it started-let the adventure begin!

There's No Place Like Home

Ah home

Let me come Home

Home is wherever I'm with you.

 

 

For the past few months we've been talking to the girls about our family.  That our family is not complete without baby brother and that even though he is across the world, he is still part of our family and that is why we are working so hard to get him -so our family can be together.  All true and all very dear to my heart.

 

Also, very simplistic.

  

Because baby brother will be coming home, coming to family. But he will also be leaving home, and leaving family.  And I just don't know how my heart will keep from breaking over this beautiful yet tragic experience.  I'm not ready to share all the details, but we've been finding out a bit about his Ukrainian story and like any family, they have deep sorrow patched with little pieces of joy.  My little Solnichko is not able to be raised  by his Ukrainian family so in just weeks I will change his life completely and remove him from everything his little heart calls home.

 

Grief.

 

I am already grieving his loss-and the loss of those he leaves behind.  Someday he will grieve it as well and I guess if my own grief allows my heart to feel part of his as it breaks, then so be it.  But it hurts.  And it's not fair. Never think that adoption is the result of some rescuer swooping in with riches and rainbows, loving together a family that was meant to be one.  No.  Adoption is the result of something horrible taking place, a family breaking, lives crumbling, remnants. Can beauty rise from ashes?

You make beautiful things

You make beautiful things out of  dust

 

Yes.

 

Family can be redeemed and redemption is the heart of adoption.  But it is messy and it is painful. It's not Plan A, it's Plan Because. Everyone involved needs to choose love, over and over and over again.  Just like His story of redemption, adoption is a story continually coming back. Back to family.  And also like the original, I believe each adoption story has intricacies woven throughout its tapestry, jewels hidden amongst threads, strung together, shining out to reveal glory.

 

Why do Bard and I speak Russian?  Is it because that's a path we chose when we were long ago college students or is it so we can Skype with family in Ukraine next month, next year? Why do we have a love for the Slavic culture? How is it that we know people back home who can translate precious family histories for us? We have already experienced moments that we will treasure for a lifetime, memories we can pass on, stories we can share as we love this little boy together, we come together, family. Pain. Beauty. Loss. Growth. Love.

 

Home.

 

Surely  goodness and mercy will follow me and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

Psalm 23

It's Getting Hot in Here

Okay.  super inappropriate song and I will be leaving my clothes on, please kindly leave yours on as well!

We made gulash!

But it is quite hot and although I should be sharing cute things about our little man, like how he laughs when Bard makes "Mr.Giraffe" talk to him and how he is quite insulted if we put him down, I am just too hot :)

I mean, I am a PNW girl, if it is above 80 then I better have an icedtallhalfcafvanillanonfatlatte in my hands.  And, it better be a nice dry heat, none of this humid crap.  And, I better not be on 95 degree subway pressed up against 70 zillion other sweaty people so that when the train breaks I don't even have to hold on because the lady standing behind me, in the same spot, will ensure that I don't fall over.

No.  That better not happen.

Although, Dear PNW, stop being such idiots and voting down every single mass transit bill and wake up to the fact that even crammed into a sweaty train is an infinitely superior way of traveling when compared to the fact that you are choosing to wake up and go sit in your car for 2 hours while it moves 28 miles.

Not sure what that has to do with our adoption but just thought you needed a public service announcement from Eastern Europe.  And, let's be honest, I'm guilt blogging because I'm behind but I can't really focus so you're just going to get whatever happens to splat out of my mouth.



Vitaly!

Here's a cool thing!  We have a great driver, Vitaly, who is a wonderful guy, speaks English, is patient with the girls (keeps a broom in his trunk so he can brush out all their cheddar bunnies-smart man.)  And his family has a little house in the country-outskirts of Kyiv-where he grows all sorts of different fruit trees and  bushes.  Yesterday he brought us a whole bag full of freshly picked plums, apples, and a cup of blueberries, blackberries, and strawberries.  Isn't that so sweet?!  We have  enjoyed hearing his perspective on the past protests as well as the continuing occupation of Maidan.  And, he said he would take us to the ousted president's house which is now a tourist attraction where you can feed one of his many trout, see the emus, and board the pirate ship.  Ah, tyranny!

Speaking of paperwork (And, I'm back!) the next layer of ours is complete, due to be picked up, and submitted tomorrow during the allotted times which are Mon/Wed/Fri between 11am and 1pm. 

Ah, tyran, er, bureaucracy!

Love these girls, such troopers!

As long as that goes well, we then wait for a court date, which we are hoping will be yesterday. Tomorrow marks two weeks since we left and in a way it feels like a flash, in a way like eternity.  And, kind of like deja vous since I'm pretty sure I wrote that before!  We still are very excited to be experiencing so many wonderful parts of this country.  Let me tell you, you do not need Target when you have a subway.  Each station is a one huge underground street fair.  You can buy donuts, crystal, matroshka dolls, groceries, SIM cards, razors, batteries, hair straighteners, body wash, umbrellas, coffee, soccer jerseys, books, mugs, and more, and more, and more.  I know I have mentioned it before, but it really is amazing-you have to see it to believe it.  Russia was the same-an entire network of tiny street vendors and large drugstores all hidden underground in a maze of tunnels.  I have been on subways in Paris and Rome, Venice and DC, New York and... dang it I don't have another city-but I have never seen anything like this.  Sure, other subways have their charm, New York has its urine and Italy its lateness.  But no one else has Walmart, broken into a million tiny countertops each with its own person to sell you whatever your heart desires.

Except of course bagels.

I've decided to replace bagels with ice cream-it's really the only possible way I can stay hydrated and I ate ice cream twice a day on our honeymoon in Italy as well.  My metabolism can not possibly have changed in the past 8 years and having two children, so I am sure it will be fine.

Onward and upward!  Stay tuned, I really do need a people themed blog and every day I have more wonderful people to add to it, so I better start soon because I have a feeling it will be a continuing story of this adventure!  How many amazing people from around the world can become part of our adoption journey?

I think the verse at church this morning sums it up,

The people I formed for myself

that they may proclaim my praise

Isaiah 43:21

 



 

Cream Cheese!

Just two Ukrainian Elsas :)

Before I flew home from my first trip to Russia, I called my parents and told them to make sure I had bagels and cream cheese in my fridge.  No seriously.  What I really needed was skin grafts (but what do Drs know?!) and all I cared about was my breakfast routine.

I really like routines.  Which makes it odd that I love to travel.  But, I really love coming home too :)  So today at Bosheviki (yes, after the revolutionists who are spinning in their graves to know that a Walmart type store catering to the middle class and lots of completely unnecessary luxury items like more than one kind of breakfast cereal now not only exists but was named for them and has their portraits on the walls, yes, I am kicking myself for not getting a picture and promise to get one next time, now where on earth was I going when I started this runaway train of thought?!)

Cream cheese!  Right there in the middle of the aisle! And not just any cream cheese, Philadelphia cream cheese! In English! My brain did not have to think, it just read it, so happily!  By the way, if Ukraine has Candid Camera, they should video us reading Cyrillic.  I had this fun problem in Russia too.  Since I read Russian at about a 2nd grade level, I often sound out words, only to realize they are actually words I know very well.  For example, "Hote Doge"  About 3 seconds to click in my brain that it was in fact, just hot dog.  But I assume I don't know it so I work too hard.  Same thing with "Tee Gee Aye Fraydaze"  Yes.  The very well known restaurant that I can definitely read in English.

Tired.

So put your hands up!

Anyway, I have my cream cheese, so there must be bagels somewhere, right? No.  That would make sense.  We asked the lady at the bakery, who of course thought we were crazy.  She couldn't understand why there would be a hole in the middle of our roll.  She wanted to know if we put cheese in it.  Well sure.  But no, no cheese, just bagel.  Then she asked what we did with it. Now it was my turn to look at her like she was crazy.  Whatever people, I googled the Russian word for bagel so now I am armed and will be back, dangerous, and you better give me my bublik!

But I really do like the people here :) In fact I was going to blog about them, but need to get more pictures-they will all be thrilled-so I'll shoot for that tomorrow (get it, shoot?!) Ha!  It is seriously past my bed time.

We did of course have a good visit with little munchkin head and, to all you who brought diaper ointment, we gave them to the orphanage director today!  Over two dozen tubes!  She was very touched and I just know that will make a lot of baby bottoms very happy :)

Thank you!

The staples-Coke, Yes-Russian Cup a Noodle!  "Asian" sauce, and cream cheese with croissants-which I just discovered have caramel in them-good bye bagels!

Some visits, some papers, some shopping!

Pour some sugar on me. . .

Actually, please don't because the mosquitoes seem to like me enough as it is :/ But now I bet that song stays in your head! Okay, I have only gotten two mosquito bites but these buggers are on steroids-you could see the swelling on my foot and elbow and all the cortisone in the world didn't help because I am a big baby!

Anyway, that's neither here nor there, I'm just distracted by bugs :)

We had a good visit with Baby Brother yesterday and today.  Yesterday we were outside in one of their little dachas-a small play house.  There are several of them as well as swing sets, slides, playful murals, and riding toys-I need to ask if I'm allowed to post pictures of the orphanage, but basically my girls are in heaven!  We lay out a blanket for him to play on in the dacha and yesterday both girls performed dance shows for him-to songs on Bard's iPhone-but I'm not sure he fully appreciated the artistic element of their performance.  Either that or he was bored through his first of many dance shows ;)

Yesterday we visited in the afternoon and he was noticeably tired-as were my American children :/  So, I think we'll stick to morning visits.  Today we went in the morning and he seemed more awake, played with his  little silkie giraffe and Ukrainian train book that we brought for him.  We were able to talk to the Director a bit too because we spent the hour in the visitation room which is next to her office.  She is very nice and excited for us to adopt him.  I had brought a photo album for her of our family back home, house, some events, and she really enjoyed them, especially our cat, she loves cats!

Kyiv National Portrait Gallery-the girls absolutely loved this mural!

So does Cici and in fact talks about our cat every day!  Sorry Grandpa, she asks about the cat more than she does you ;)  So how long til Cici is reunited with her own koshka?  Our team is taking care of some more paperwork for us this week (I swear, don't bother recycling, our adoption alone has destroyed the rainforest!) Hopefully it is completed so that we can file for a court date.  Someone on facebook was posting averages of how many days people were waiting for a court date.  Not sure if there was a good average because it ranged from 6 to 42 days!  We are hoping for 6, thinking about 2 weeks. Pray!

After resting for a bit today we went out to shop and sight see.  There is a great shopping district on old cobblestone roads that go down a hill-lined with street vendors. I do not know how I will bring back all the art I need to buy...need to!  Bard and I saw several cool pieces that we will be back for :)  We bought the girls little Ukrainian flower head bands-sorry, will add pictures tomorrow-and went to a very famous chocolate shop which has hand made chocolates from the city of Lviv as well as a café that serves melted chocolate and other desserts.  We may or may not have bought some of you gifts there which is so adorable of me since we all know I will eat them and have to go back for more, the day we fly out!

Oh, which ones do I have, cheap or gourmet?!

Speaking of chocolate-the president here is referred to as the chocolate king, or Willy Wonka, since he owns a huge chocolate factory. We bought some of his candy yesterday, and little oreo type cookies.  Yep, they are almost gone too!  But they are much cheaper than the gourmet shop, so maybe that's what I'll bring back for you-since you would never know which is which ;)

All in all, a good few days, hoping for positive news and moving forward soon!  And, I realized that I haven't blogged about one of the most important parts of this journey-the people here.  We've already met and been helped by many wonderful new friends-including the brother of my dad's bookkeeper who drove us to the orphanage today!  I'll share all about them and post pictures tomorrow.

Dazavtra-until tomorrow!

A Week in the Life

Not to compare our stay with the Gulag, I just resist a good play on words :)



A once beautiful square still shows signs of the Revolution.

So what is our life like in the Borderland?  After being here a week we are pretty settled and have developed a few norms.  We all get up at about the same time in the morning, although I've woken up earlier many days and read while drinking a cup of Via.  Bard got up early this morning and worked for an hour before the rest of us woke and joined him.  Breakfast has been a lot of the instant oatmeal packs that we brought, with some fruit purchased at the "Magazine Producti" - Grocery Store - around the corner from our apartment.  We've made scrambled eggs with veggies as well as toast, and even found Multi grain Cheerios-which thrilled the girls!  Just like breakfast at home we have our Suzuki piano music going throughout the morning.  I am so accustomed to hearing it during breakfast I probably couldn't eat without it!  After breakfast is the chore of washing dishes - by hand- and brushing teeth.  Tasks made complicated by the fact that we don't trust the water so are using bottled for drinking and teeth and pouring boiling water over the dishes after rinsing.  A few things that may get old after 5 weeks. . .go right now, turn on your tap water, put your head under it, and drink!  Now remember that you are in one of the few places of the world where that is possible :)

Our bathroom cabinet, and yes, that is what you think it is!

After breakfast we begin our day.  The girls sleep on a futon that is in kind of an alcove just off the kitchen/dining room, so we make up their bed and get dressed-which is a lot easier now that I've organized everything.  Ahhh. :) Today we are just having a quiet morning while Bard works for a few hours.  The girls are playing Legos while acting out Frozen-pretty typical day!  And Evelyn discovered that she could pop the hair off her Lego figures, put them on the tips of her fingers, draw dresses on her hand, and act out a finger puppet show.  Hmmm.  Most days after breakfast we've either gone to see Baby Brother or done some sightseeing.  A driver picks us up to go to the orphanage-it's a bit far to take public transportation-but other than that we walk or take the subway (Metro.)  Our apartment is on the third floor and although there is a small elevator, we just use the stairs, it has a security door and we head out, down the alley, past a beautiful garden which we watched them plant in three days-fresh sod and all-and out to our main street. Past the Ukrainian restaurant or the Irish pub, our little store, the "Bankomat"-ATM-or the Wine House. Turn at Rachel Salon, which will eventually be utilized by yours truly for a hair cut, pedi, or massage-all sound delightful-and past the suit store, which is probably hoping we'll come back and drop another small fortune!

We're right next to the main square, with additional shopping, restaurants, beautiful churches, and a street market that sells everything from Matroshka dolls to t shirts that say just about anything unfavorable regarding Putin.  Pretty typical for Slavic countries, and many places in Europe, there are lots of little stores, like the one next to us, where we do most of our daily shopping-water, fruit, basics, and then a bigger "Supermarket" in a central location. Same as Russia, the mall and best shopping is in the Metro.  From top down, expensive to cheap.  I checked out the 4th floor and found towels for $30, designer children's clothes, and jewelry.  We kept going down and found a good umbrella, body wash, and the bigger grocery store.  We bring our own bags-although unlike most stores in Russia-this store did have bags, but we would probably only get one, and we use our own bags at home anyway, so this is not new to us.

Spaghetti!

After a day of sightseeing, errands, orphanage time, and lots of rushing and waiting, we are pretty tired.  The weather has been warm too, so that makes us all a little more exhausted.  It's very similar to East Coast climate, 80s, kind of muggy, intermittent thunderstorms that drop the pressure down, then the cycle starts over.  Our apartment is cool in the evening though-we have a little air conditioner that we can click on with a remote-it's attached to the ceiling.  It took us a while to get organized enough so that we could cook dinner, but that will be the norm for at least half the days while we are here.  So far we enjoyed dinner at a Mexican restaurant, an Irish pub, McDonalds (okay, maybe enjoy is not the right word there) and a traditional Ukrainian restaurant-where Evelyn surprised me by liking Borscht!  It might have helped that she ate it by dipping the most yummy garlic bread ever into it.  I don't know what is wrong with American bread, every time I come to Europe the bread is so much better here!  C'mon people, what are we doing wrong?!  And of course, last night we made spaghetti.  The sausage was actually very good and we found a very yummy pasta sauce, full of veggies, plus cooked our own -onions, sweet peppers, and (I think) a cucumber.  We're avoiding fresh veggies (and I am now in day 5 of fresh salad withdrawal), but are trying to cook up as much as possible.

The girls have crashed each night after dinner.  Bard and I lay them down in our bedroom, so we can fall asleep, I mean put them to sleep.  We have bedtime stories and the Jesus Storybook Bible on the Kindle and then play their lullaby music.  They have fallen asleep within about 5 minutes each night.  Then we can use the front room and kitchen without worrying about disturbing them.  Bard works or does dishes, I edit pictures and blog, and that's usually about the time you all are getting up so I get to see your facebook posts :) We've gone to bed a little bit later than normal each night and need to be better about that, although my two Vias in the morning helps ;)

And then we do it all over again!  The basics will be interspersed with some fun tourist activities-the Ukrainian art museum, World War 2 museum, an aquarium, and the Kyiv Monastery of Caves are on our list of things to do while here. Plus there is a little park near us with a playground, and we plan on attending Hillsong while here-maybe getting there a bit earlier so we can find translators. That way I can understand more than, "Listen" "People" "Jesus" "Peace" and "Amen"



We have a washer about the size of a grocery bag and a dryer the size of our balcony!

Of course that schedule will be interrupted by various adoption expeditions.  Besides seeing him everyday, there are papers to be filled out and turned in to officials.  Notaries, courts, hospitals, all sorts of government offices.

Our hope is that all that goes as smoothly as possible, allowing us to return home as a family within our planned timeline-end of August.  I love being here, I love the culture, the city, the sights, the whole experience.  It's a blessing that we can soak up as much of his birth country as possible.  But, there are also worries in the back of my head-what if one of us gets sick or hurt?  What if I run out of Via packets?  These thoughts plague me throughout the day...and really, little man is tiny, we need to get him home, fatten him up (maybe I'll sneak some McDonalds into the orphanage!) and get him to every different doctor I can think of!

Dear Premera, remember that super high premium you stuck us with? Well, I'm about to rock your world! :)

Thanks for spending the day with us, miss you all, lots of love!

Yes!

We shocked some people at our wedding :)  Maybe you've been to a wedding where the guests sang songs, but I am pretty sure you have not been to many where the groom got some serious air in his jumps-during the ceremony.

I'm trading my sorrows

I'm trading my shame

 

Yep, we know how to live it up in Tacompton and as we sang, us and our 7 bridesmaids, 7 groomsmen, 2 junior bridesmaids, 1 ring bearer, 2 flower girls, 2 flower girl attendants, and a partridge in a pear tree danced our hearts out on the stage, along with 300 guests singing and supporting us. Best. Wedding. Ever.

 

I'm laying them down for the joy

of the Lord.

 

Still hard to believe that we are just miles away from where it all began-a little village in rural Russia where I felt the call to adopt and the shared mission that brought Bard and I together.  Today as we drove to the orphanage, I was struck again by the similarity-painted green fences, brick houses, tree lined roadways, curved wrought iron.

 

Big sky.

 

I'm trading my sickness
I'm trading my pain

 

Yesterday we were confronted with a lot of sickness and pain.  Not ours.  But for our little Solnichko.  We knew some of his medical issues, but knowing the extent will take quite a while-months.  So yesterday we heard from our Dr-who had a lot of concerns. Now, don't get me wrong, we walked into this eyes wide open, setting out to adopt a child who would raise a lot of concerns.  But please forgive me if there was just a small part of me that wanted the Dr to get back to us and say, "Oh, well, he looks just about perfect in every way."  Because that's what I think he is.

 

Perfect.

 

We pored over emails, growth charts, websites.  There was no hot water for my shower.  We got lost on the way to church.  It was too hot.  And some dang Dr was telling me that this child has serious medical issues. But sometimes when you are fighting through hard moments, what you really need to do is just give in.  Sweet surrender.

 

Yes Lord, Yes Lord, Yes, Yes  Lord 

 

We decided to say yes. 

 

Yes to the unknown.

 

Yes to surrender.

 

Yes to our son.

 

 

We decided this before receiving medical confirmation.  We have some now, a few items make me feel better, a few make me feel worse.  But mostly I feel decisive.  I choose this child.  I will fight for him and I will not give up. He is worth it. He is precious. And he will always be loved by someone who will not let him go.

 

I am pressed but not crushed

Persecuted not abandoned

Struck down but not destroyed

I am blessed beyond the curse for

His promise will endure

And His joy is going to be my strength

 

 

Joy when I see how excited my two girls are to go visit their brother.  Joy when he smiled at me as I took him from the caregiver.  Joy as we can start to dream what it will be like to bring him home and know that it no longer seems like a dream we will wake up from.  But now part of the day. We still have a long road ahead of us-we now wait to see when our court date is and this will determine a lot of the journey.  We also want to try and gather more medical information and as best as possible prepare ourselves to give him the care he has so long deserved. And we are only one week in-health, safety, potential roadblocks could all be just around the corner.  But after a long night, I think morning is just around the corner too.

 

 

Though the sorrow may last though the night

His joy comes in the morning

 











Ukraine is not weak!

This morning I sent Bard to check on the girls...

Sigh.  Well our bathroom floor is very clean.  And I am a terrible mopper so that's not a good thing :/  No hot water this morning and after speaking to more than one team member and trying a couple things, it looks like I'm washing my hair in cold water tomorrow.

Shudder.

Funny because last time I did that I was in Russia, barely 500 miles from where I am at now.  Of course that was after they had tried to burn my arm off so I should be grateful. . .funny story. . .

Today was actually great, oily hair aside. We had a wonderful visit with little man who has turned into quite a chatterbox (I am clearly not meant to have quiet children!)  We played outside with him, showed him our family picture album-he promptly chewed on it, obviously communicating his approval, and had a much more relaxed visit (read, I did not have to carry my child screaming from the room-someone is preparing to be a middle child!)

Ya Babushka!

I was also screaming inside my head because I am currently attempting-and failing-to speak in four languages. I am actually good at languages.  Well.  I was.  The Spanish couple we have spent time with does not speak any English.  I had four years of Spanish-same as Russian-and am now learning Ukrainian phrases.  Today was better than yesterday-sort of-many times the phrases for both languages came back to me simultaneously and this time I was about 75% likely to remember which one was Russian and which one was Spanish.  But I can't count how many times I said "Da" when I meant "Si" and am now fairly sure I will utterly confuse my poor son-not to mention my two daughters who are now going around Ukraine thanking people by oh so politely saying, "Gracias."

Ha!

I mean, Ay yay yay.

I mean, Shutka!

Anywho.  (That's my own language) We also visited Saint Sophia, the most famous landmark in Kyiv, although we didn't go in, we'll do that next time, finally took the kids to McDonalds, and bought fun things like water at the SuperMarket (please read that with a Russian accent.)

Saint Sophia's

Not a bad day except at the end of our visitation Bard's steps grew ever slower as he went to hand little man over and I was fighting back tears.  Then in the car Cici asked where her brother was and I had to explain again that we have to leave him at the orphanage for now.

For now.

But now is going to be quite a while and if it gets harder daily, we're in for it. I wonder if the orphanage is hiring live in ballet teachers.

We feel blessed, tired, more settled, and more tired.  We miss everyone and can't wait to bring our little guy home.  As Evelyn put it, "All babies are cute, but he is the cutest!"

Wait for me, Wait for me

St Andrews church presides over the SDA.

 As I drove down a rural Ukrainian highway, lined with trees and full of muddy potholes, strains of Unchained Melody filtered over the radio.  Squished between 4 people in the back I rested my head against the seat as we sped away from my little Solnishko.

 

A long lonely time

Time goes by so slowly

Are you still mine?

I need your love

I need your love

 Godspeed your love to me

 



A beautifully decorated children's room, a caring staff, bright colors, depressed area, country in the city. Hot. Nervous. Unsure. Real.

 

Love.

 

The girls dance in the rain while we wait for our papers.

I've blogged about my biological children's birth stories and in a weird but maybe expected kind of way, this was quite similar.  Unknown-we waited all morning to hear if we could go early to get our formal referral papers and then go to the orphanage.  The phone rang.  We could not get the papers early but could still go to the orphanage, the Dr and Director would wait for us there.

 

Hurry.  Hurry.  Hurry.

 

Wait.

 

Wandering in hallways and waiting.  I did that with my first delivery!  Watching my daughters sit and play on a dirty floor.  Okay, that was different. Finally at about 3:45 we went up stone stairs, sat at a desk and signed our names.

 

Hurry. Hurry.  Hurry.

 

Driving with a facilitator, a Spanish couple adopting from the same orphanage, and our two girls we wove in and out of rush hour traffic, dodging thunderstorms and lightening.  Turned down a rural highway that led to a rural road, and ended after being seemingly endless, in a rural orphanage.

 

Wait.

 

The Spanish couple was ushered into the visitation and a darling pink princess was waiting for them.  And now would wait no more.

 

We met with the Dr. and she reviewed his medical file with us.  Scary, expected, still scary, and confusing.  She was very helpful, seemed to know Solnishko, and  had a good understanding of his medical needs.  And just like the medical personnel in my labors, was both reassuring and unnerving at the same time!

 

Then back down the long hall, upstairs, childrens' rooms, baby buggies, painted murals, and back into the visitation room.

 

 

Lonely rivers sigh,

Wait for me, wait for me

I'll be coming home, wait for me.

 

The Director walked in carrying a little bundle of energy (look out mom of girls who like to sit still!)  Our family greeted him and he looked right down at Evelyn. Bard held him first (only fair-I got the other two!) and as Sol reached out and grabbed his face, the Director laughed and said he's never seen a man before.  Well little one, that was a great first impression. Just like with real birth as soon as I held him I felt such a sweet contentment and just wanted to hold him forever.  Unlike my newborns, he instantly squirmed and wanted to get down and play!

 

It's now past midnight and I have already loved him for immeasurable time. This road is going to be bumpy, long, painful.  But it's our road.  And finally, we're on it together.

 





Mr Sandman

St Michael's Cathedral

Brought me a dream :)

Literally and figuratively!  I am sooo tired. In a way it feels like we've been here for weeks and in another way I feel like I don't even know what day it is and am too tired to keep track :)

Everything went well though and when I am a bit more coherent I will do a full justice, song, prose, sarcasm, blog.

So tired, tired of waiting, tired of waiting for you.

Well, I couldn't resist, and apparently when I am tired my songs revert to oldies.  Weird.

We are moving forward and will likely have more info tomorrow. Everything is going fine, we love Kyiv, feel very safe, but did I mention I am very tired?!  After adoption stuff and a little touring (it's like some sparkly giant sprinkled glittering churches all over, just for the fun of it.

Diet Coke.

Tired.

No really, I love walking around cities like this and it just makes my heart sigh to be here in person. So beautiful.  More photos are posted to the right and as I only had my camera with me half the day today, I promise to take more tomorrow!

Tomorrow we hope to find out when we can meet our little love, I'm praying for yesterday, so we'll definitely keep you posted!

And now, off to bed, although I already fell asleep twice today.  Did I mention I am tired?  It can't possibly be that today was the culmination of 20 months of work and heartache which followed a dream of 12 years and is topped off with a refreshing ten hours time difference.  Nope.

Good night, love to you all!

Ta Da!

Last time traveling with a one too one ratio...

And just like that, we're in Ukraine! With exactly one week's notice, we packed up our family, purchased plane tickets and 4,000 other items, boarded a plan and flew to Europe.  The week was so full of emotion it's hard to even describe it.  Every moment felt intensified, like I was experiencing an emotion for the first time, in its purest form.  I cried when I hear Lights by Ellie Golding (I don't know why), I cried when I put the girls to bed for the last time in their own beds (last time for quite a while at least), I cried when the plane landed in Kyiv.  Although that may have been the result of 24 hours of straight travel, little sleep, lots of stimulation, and no coffee.  Wait,  had an espresso in Frankfurt and coffee on the flight to Kyiv but since it didn't even dent the exhaustion, it doesn't count.

So the girls did fairly well.  We had a red eye to Frankfurt and on Condor airlines they apparently don't believe in serving dinner until 10pm at night which meant the girls were over tired and Evelyn actually had a bit of a meltdown.  And so did we :/ but all in all it went about as well as can be expected-the girls slept about 5 hours and were entertained and fine for the rest of the time. Bard and I each slept 2-3 hours.  Ugh. 

Frankfurt airport annoys me.  They sent our stroller on to Kiev (let's just blame them since that's easier), we had to ride the bus in, they dumped us in the middle of an abandoned terminal.  Not too many restaurants, and then some closed even though it was the middle of the day, we wondered all over, lost in the desert for 40 years.  Well.  Maybe 40 minutes but did you ever so tired, hungry, dehydrated, grimy, tired, and tired that you hated everyone and everything?  Yeah.  The nice terminal with good restaurants and shopping was separate from us and we would have had to go through security again.  And since they made us go through security when we got through the terminal I was not in the mood.  I somehow refrained from screaming "Argentina was robbed!" and we found a place to camp out.

It got better from there, a nice cheese Danish, a latte, and a refreshing baby wipe bath will do anyone a world of good.  Actually the best moment was brushing my teeth.  I seriously love brushing my teeth!  Bard crashed and the girls watched/danced to Frozen.  I bought a good book, took Cici on moving sidewalk adventures and we ate a great Italian dinner complete with a delicious-and probably my last for a long time-green salad.  A quick 7 hours later we were on our next flight.

Ukraine or bust!

The airlines were hilarious about the World Cup.  On Condor they had draped a huge German flag across the bulkhead and the attendants had painted their cheeks with the German flag.  But Lufthansa outdid them by singing "Don't cry for me Argentina..." over the loudspeaker to us as we boarded the plane.  Well played Germany, well played.  Just two and a half hours to Kyiv, passport control and customs was a breeze (the easiest ever, whew), and our wonderful driver,Vitaly, was right there waiting for us.  It was 2am so we couldn't see much but did drive through the center of town and it looked beautiful.  It may be the first major European city I've seen that is clean.  And I don't mean that as a dig against Europe, I mean after all, what a lovely morning  stroll down Fifth Ave in NYC without the aromatic presence of urine?  But I was expecting it to be similar to Moscow and it was not.  Thankfully.

Our apartment is great, nice, wonderful location, after the girls bounced off the wall we all fell asleep until I mercilessly dragged everyone out of bed at 10am.  No sleep for the weary.  Someone had forgotten his suit at home, but ha, there was a suit store just down the block and we had a fun time shopping; communicating in Russian, Ukrainian, English, a little google translator-ba da bing, ba da boom-new suit!  Complete with little paper butterflies that the wonderful salesladies gave to the girls, we were on our way.  Walking through Independence Square (Maidan-where the main fighting was last fall) was moving and I am thankful for the privilege of witnessing a historical moment in my adopted country.

After a 40 minute wait for two dishes of ice cream (Europe!) we did a little more shopping, picking up some groceries and items that we hadn't brought from home (okay, I needed a hair straightener, so what?!) Then off to dinner at a Mexican/Italian/Ukrainian restaurant where the waiter brought the girls a toy train to play with and they had live birds.  Silly :)

We heard from our in country team while at dinner and are now back at the apartment.  The girls are sleeping and we are getting ready for our SDA appointment.  After I post this update I will upload photos to a link on the left-check back for updates.  We're packing and organizing a bit too, as we likely won't remain in Kyiv for very long.  I feel tearful, nauseous, excited, and scared about our appointment.  I just can't believe this is actually happening. We talked to the girls about it tonight-about them being on their best behavior.  They have really done well, aside from a few comments such as "I don't want to be in a foreign country." and "Are we done getting baby brother yet?" they have learned to see please and thank you in Russian and Ukrainian and before going to sleep they both prayed for baby brother.

Please pray for us.  This experience is monumental, if the word monumental has never been used before and was just created for this one moment in time. Monumental.

Independence

Last week I was a bit discouraged going into the Fourth of July because I had been hoping we would be celebrating in another country.  And we still didn't even have our travel invitation.  Next month is Independence Day for Ukraine.

And we will be there to celebrate with them.

I can't even imagine what all we will be celebrating by that point in time, honestly just thinking about August kind of blows my mind. . .

We travel next week.  We found out this week.

Mind. Blown.

We have our official referral appointment next week where we will find out information on a child-no, we know nothing at this point-but if all goes well, we'll be meeting him in less than two weeks.

Mind. Blown.

All this time.  All the waiting.  All the work.  It's all colliding in a mess of joy, crazy town, terror, tears, excitement, nausea, thankfulness, and panic.  Please ask me how much I love Amazon. Seriously, when I die (which could be soon considering I may not live through this week), I am leaving them all my money.  I mean, they get it all when I'm alive anyway, so why not?  Oh, please do not ask me how much I hate money.  Well, okay, you can, but you better sit down for a while so I can answer properly :)

Actually, never mind, there's no time! We have just moments before we leave, and they are flying by.  With every item I cross off on my to do list, 5 more appear.  Tasks multiply faster than rabbits and stress faster than anything.  Funny, when I was in labor with my girls, time had no meaning.  If you had told me 15 minutes had passed, I would believe you.  If you had told me 3 hours had passed, I would believe you. 

Ladies and gentleman, welcome to my delivery room and let me tell you I am painfully aware of every passing second.  Someone get me an epidural!

I will not likely update again before we leave, and for a variety of reasons, we may not share all the details on the blog, especially about the child.  But, I will post almost daily once we are in country-sharing our experience!  Several of you have asked about notifications.  There is an email notification at the bottom of this page, just enter your email and you'll be inundated with daily Kristins :)

Thank you for all your support.  We appreciate it.  We need it.

Good bye for now!  See you soon :)