But they never do!
They always start with stretching the muscle, rolling, moderate pressure across the whole area. They get all the muscles loose and relaxed and then dig in. But it's still push and release. It hurts, but then, ahhhh. Each time they may go a little deeper, release a little more of the tension that has built up (we call that knot "international adoption") and then push again. Often I'm even told that I need to take it easy the rest of the day because the muscles needed so much attention that now they are a bit inflamed. But I don't care, I still want more. I want that pain, I want that pressure, because I know that at the end of it the release is so amazing and so worth it.
It's really too bad I'm not like that in any other area of my life!
“The very first tear he made was so deep that I thought it had gone right into my heart. And when he began pulling the skin off, it hurt worse than anything I’ve ever felt. The only thing that made me able to bear it was jut the pleasure of feeling the stuff peel off. You know — if you’ve ever picked the scab of a sore place. It hurts like billy-oh but it is such fun to see it coming away.” ~CS Lewis, The Voyage of the Dawntreader
I talked to immigration on Friday-our immigration-twice. The first time they told me we had been cleared for Ukrainian adoption and could submit our dossier! Yay! The timing would work! Something actually went our way! Happy Happy Happy all morning! The second time they told me they had made a mistake, we weren't cleared, they needed more information, they weren't sure how long it would take. No! Crash, confusion, depression. Back to the unknown, back to nothing ever working out for us.
I thought the pain was gone, the pressure released. But instead, He went deeper. Why? I don't know. But for some reason, this time, I feel a little better. Whenever we find out a little bit of information, I want to know all the details, plan what's next, create a timeline, detailsdetailsdetails! And then something goes wrong and not only am I devastated but I have this nagging fear in the back of my heart that it will never go right. For some reason we are not meant to adopt a child and never will.
But I fear you aren't listening, because there are no words.
Just the stillness, and the hunger, for the faith that assures.
But God.
A father to the fatherless,
a defender of widows. . .
God sets the lonely in families
Psalm 68
But God gave me this dream. And He will see it through.
"The lady made a mistake. But God doesn't."
I was told (reminded) of this truth by a friend (yeah, you know who you are!) who also said God knew my son and that he was there. I need to set aside the lie that this dream will never come to fruition. I can trust in a love that knows no bounds, is unhindered by hindering bureaucracy, and knows all details, seen and unseen.
I will sing of your Mercy, that leads me through valleys of sorrow, to rivers of joy.
So, some of the tension is eased. At the end of every massage, every therapist I've ever had cradles my head and pulls, ever so slightly. I swear, I can feel myself getting taller! It's so relaxing, so peaceful. And only made possible by the previous painful pummeling of my poor muscles. Hopefully for this stage, there is just a little more pressure and then more release. We should know Monday or Tuesday how much of a delay this has caused us. Ideally we will still be able to submit our dossier to Ukraine on May 22nd and plan to travel in July. I really hope that my next blog is the pure joy of knowing that our file is being reviewed by the Ukrainian government! We're in this for the long haul, the hills and valleys, the ups and downs. Pain, release.
Joy is not the absence of suffering, it is the presence of God.~Robert Schuller
1 comment:
Awww, I'm so sorry about the delay. Delays stink, but hopefully this is just a small bump in the road.
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