Wow. Let me tell you, when you work for a church, have a sick nine month old, are dealing with 6 inches of snow, planning on moving the church, trying to figure out a trip to the East Coast, and only have one car-Christmas is thrilling and magical but at the same time crazy busy and a lot of work. I love Christmas and I'm one of those weird people who actually like it in part because of the busyness, but this year is one for the record books. There were so many issues surrounding me, threatening to overwhelm me, it took a couple of good conversations with close friends, some much needed tears, and a lot of prayer to keep bringing me back to reality-this is not about me and it is definitely not under my control. As I sat and watched my kids (and by my kids I mean the 20+ children that I worked with for our church Christmas Eve service) I felt such a sense of peace and honor to know that I was part of something bigger than myself. It's so easy to go through life focused on yourself and what you're dealing with. You let it define and control you. When really the events that surround us are not who we are, rather they are part of God's plan to reveal who He is-through us. There is no plan B. Where I am now is where I am meant to be. Years ago I learned this lesson in the hardest way possible. And much of the time when life is very stressful I am able to look back at that lesson and the truth learned carries me through whatever I am facing. Sometimes though I need a few extra reminders, which was the case during the last several days days. While talking with a friend I was reminded of the story behind the famous hymn, It Is Well With My Soul (find story here: http://christianmusic.suite101.com/article.cfm/hymn_it_is_well_with_my_soul ). Years ago a friend of mine and I used to say to each other, "This isn't what I thought my life would be like." I think many of us can say that at some point in our lives. The problem with that thought is that if you think it once it quickly becomes a mantra that poisons your perspective. It's like a cancer that grows over your eyes only far more dangerous than any other cancer, this one kills your soul. It's scary to me that after learning that lesson once in such a painful way, it still only takes me a few days of doubt and feeling ungrateful to bring me right back to where I was 6 years ago. Fortunately the reverse is true and once I refocus on who God is, not who I am, and the amazing blessings I have, not what expectations aren't being met, I am healed. Healed of doubt and fear, healed of frustration and stress. My physical realities were all still there, but as my friend reminded me there are many good ones to be thankful for. Yes, I worked a lot of hours this last week, including many on Christmas Eve, but I was also honored and grateful to be part of helping children encounter Jesus. And it thrills me to have been a part of their Christmas memories, ones I hope they will treasure forever. We had a great visit with family afterwards, not necessarily family that I am physically related to, but family nonetheless. Yes Evelyn was sick (still is) and that resulted in loss of sleep, stress, and a canceled trip to see family. But she wasn't as bad as she could have been, she still was in great spirits and I think she had a wonderful Christmas. She certainly liked eating the bows off her presents! It was so much fun to give her stockings and packages and watch her play with them. I loved eating Dutch Baby Pancake with her on Christmas morning, continuing the tradition that Bard and I started, and nothing was better than visiting with friends and family all day-watching as she was loved by everyone. The last few days we have spent relaxing together as a family and I am so grateful for this time. As I look back on the week, I can see all the ways God cared for me. There are lots of meanings to Christmas, but this year I think the true meaning of Christmas for me is the blessing of being grateful. Grateful for what I have been given and grateful for what I have not been given. I guess what I have learned is that when we start to pick and choose what we are grateful for, we lose the whole beauty of being grateful. And I can truly say, I am grateful.
Saturday, December 27, 2008
Christmas!
Wow. Let me tell you, when you work for a church, have a sick nine month old, are dealing with 6 inches of snow, planning on moving the church, trying to figure out a trip to the East Coast, and only have one car-Christmas is thrilling and magical but at the same time crazy busy and a lot of work. I love Christmas and I'm one of those weird people who actually like it in part because of the busyness, but this year is one for the record books. There were so many issues surrounding me, threatening to overwhelm me, it took a couple of good conversations with close friends, some much needed tears, and a lot of prayer to keep bringing me back to reality-this is not about me and it is definitely not under my control. As I sat and watched my kids (and by my kids I mean the 20+ children that I worked with for our church Christmas Eve service) I felt such a sense of peace and honor to know that I was part of something bigger than myself. It's so easy to go through life focused on yourself and what you're dealing with. You let it define and control you. When really the events that surround us are not who we are, rather they are part of God's plan to reveal who He is-through us. There is no plan B. Where I am now is where I am meant to be. Years ago I learned this lesson in the hardest way possible. And much of the time when life is very stressful I am able to look back at that lesson and the truth learned carries me through whatever I am facing. Sometimes though I need a few extra reminders, which was the case during the last several days days. While talking with a friend I was reminded of the story behind the famous hymn, It Is Well With My Soul (find story here: http://christianmusic.suite101.com/article.cfm/hymn_it_is_well_with_my_soul ). Years ago a friend of mine and I used to say to each other, "This isn't what I thought my life would be like." I think many of us can say that at some point in our lives. The problem with that thought is that if you think it once it quickly becomes a mantra that poisons your perspective. It's like a cancer that grows over your eyes only far more dangerous than any other cancer, this one kills your soul. It's scary to me that after learning that lesson once in such a painful way, it still only takes me a few days of doubt and feeling ungrateful to bring me right back to where I was 6 years ago. Fortunately the reverse is true and once I refocus on who God is, not who I am, and the amazing blessings I have, not what expectations aren't being met, I am healed. Healed of doubt and fear, healed of frustration and stress. My physical realities were all still there, but as my friend reminded me there are many good ones to be thankful for. Yes, I worked a lot of hours this last week, including many on Christmas Eve, but I was also honored and grateful to be part of helping children encounter Jesus. And it thrills me to have been a part of their Christmas memories, ones I hope they will treasure forever. We had a great visit with family afterwards, not necessarily family that I am physically related to, but family nonetheless. Yes Evelyn was sick (still is) and that resulted in loss of sleep, stress, and a canceled trip to see family. But she wasn't as bad as she could have been, she still was in great spirits and I think she had a wonderful Christmas. She certainly liked eating the bows off her presents! It was so much fun to give her stockings and packages and watch her play with them. I loved eating Dutch Baby Pancake with her on Christmas morning, continuing the tradition that Bard and I started, and nothing was better than visiting with friends and family all day-watching as she was loved by everyone. The last few days we have spent relaxing together as a family and I am so grateful for this time. As I look back on the week, I can see all the ways God cared for me. There are lots of meanings to Christmas, but this year I think the true meaning of Christmas for me is the blessing of being grateful. Grateful for what I have been given and grateful for what I have not been given. I guess what I have learned is that when we start to pick and choose what we are grateful for, we lose the whole beauty of being grateful. And I can truly say, I am grateful.
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3 comments:
Wow, this is great, and even though I am WAY less busy than you are, I can totally relate. It's so easy to lose focus on God and His blessings in the midst of life, but He is so good to bring me around and then somehow redeem that time and help me grow by His grace. I don't think any of us will be done learning this lesson till we get to heaven!
Oh sweetie! This entry made me cry. I am glad you are at a place where you know you are loved and cared by God. I don't know what is going on, but I hope you are often reminded of God's love and faithfulness in ways that you would understand.
I saw something that says a trip to the east coast... please feel free to elaborate on that one. :D
(PS Thank you for your raw honesty in this blog. I love you!!)
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