Adoption Deets

Meeting the mayor at Summer Reading Club Awards Ceremony

When  I was a kid I used to go to the library every week, check out 10-12 books (as much as I could carry), read them, and then come back the next week for more.  I read all of Nancy Drew, Babysitters Club, Sweet Valley Twins, Anne of Green Gables, read them all again and more. Then when I was still in middle school and had read pretty much all the kids books I started on biographies-Shirley Temple Black, Catherine the Great, Queen Elizabeth, Corrie Ten Boom, General Custer, and so on and so forth.  Each summer I entered our library's reading club, finishing over a hundred books, reporting on them to librarians, and earning prizes.  This will be Evelyn's third summer and Cici's first in the same Summer Reading Club.  At the same libraries.  And yes, to some of the same librarians!

I've been writing this blog so we remember the story of our adoption and can look back on it, years from now.  Lately I've been thinking it reminds me of one of the books I used to read when I was a kid, Choose Your Own Adventure.  Except of course with adoptions you choose nothing, everything is chosen for you, like it or not!  Since we're getting ready to travel, I thought I'd share with you what our time in Ukraine will look like, with all the hilarious, aggravating, and unimaginably exhausting variables.

First up, SDA.  In (hopefully) a few weeks, likely on a Thursday, we'll get an email saying that the Ukrainian Adoption and Children's Rights department of the government (SDA) has processed our dossier and is issuing our appointment to come and formally request a child for adoption.  We will probably have 2-4 weeks travel notice (allowing 2 days for travel, arriving 4 days before appointment.)  So in just that first scenario there is about 5 weeks of wiggle room, different timelines, different adventures.  But regardless, we end up in July, preparing to travel and meet our little brother!

I'm not much of a waiter :) And even for just a normal trip if I'm not packed three days out, I start to feel a growing tightness in my chest. . . now I'm packing to move my entire family across the country for an unknown amount of time, let the Travel Olympics of 2014 begin!  Since I have fond memories of packing up entire Barbie dream houses for family camping trips and to this day have three separate word docs saved for camping trips, hotel trips, and girls' instructions, I feel that I have prepared my entire life for this moment!  Amazon shopping abounds, lists of lists are in my head and spilling out at Target, and I was even able to justify a new pair of shoes.  Of course once we actually have our date, the real madness will begin and I'm sure it will be a whirlwind few weeks of excitement meeting chaos, with a crash of tears and perhaps sobbing thrown in, just for fun.  Add to list-schedule massage for Kristin, buy beer for Bard.

Now, let's throw another adventure in the mix, although this one we do choose-for better or for worse.  What about our girls?  At this point we are planning for them to travel with us-and very much hope that they can come and be part of meeting baby brother for the first time.  However, Ukraine has been a bit. . .how to put it. . .unpredictable/Putin tried to follow me around the world and ruin my adoptions. . .The SDA is no longer doing referrals to the Eastern regions which have seen the most (Russian influenced) violence.  We've talked to many, many people who are there now or have been there within the past 3 months and it has been totally safe for them.  So, we feel pretty good, but of course, if we were worried, we would leave the girls here with my family, Bard's family, random people we've met on the street, and go on our own.  That would be devastating-and a bit of a planning nightmare-so I breathe a little easier with every positive report out of Ukraine.

Now we're ready!  Traveling across the world with two children under the age of 6 for 19 hours goes beautifully and we land in Kyiv.  We're met by facilitators from our agency who have arranged anything and everything we may need-drivers, translators, tours, phones, hotels, apartments, chocolates.  Just kidding, I'll bring my own Cadbury eggs . . .don't believe me?!  We'll probably arrive on a Friday or Saturday and have our appointment with SDA on a Monday or Tuesday.  How do I know all these certain days of the weeks but no actual helpful information?  Don't ask, but on a totally unrelated note, are you familiar at all with Soviet bureaucracy?  We'll go to our appointment, at a small non descript government building next door to a huge and elaborate orthodox church.  Yep, I've seen many pictures.  And soon you will too. :)

All our eggs in one basket. . .

Now here's where I really start folding the pages of the book-you know, mark the place where you chose to go one way so if you end up dead (okay, they were kind of scary books!) you can come back and choose again.  We'll meet an SDA official who will give us an official referral.  Our home study is pretty specific about who we can and can't adopt, and our facilitators will be supporting this process, but I have read horror stories so this part is a bit worrisome.  You know, like a flood combined with an earthquake combined with a tornado; a floquakeado, is worrisome.  If for some reason we're presented  with a child who is completely outside of our bounds, there are infamous binders.  In which case we sit down and pore over children who are available for adoption.  That sounds like an honest to goodness nightmare to me and I please, please, please don't want to go through that excruciating process!  Worst case scenario we don't find any child, our time is up, and we have to make another appointment-for a week later. Please do not complain about US bureaucracy.

But, let's hope for the best and go to our next fork in the road.  Where is our child?  The closer he is to Kyiv, the better, in Kyiv would be absolutely beyond phenomenal.  It would way cut down on our travel time, Kyiv is a modern European city so not only would we get to experience its beauty, but we would have access to anything we would want, easily.  Of course, it's more expensive to stay there, but I have grown so good at spending money lately, just ask Amazon!

Then, I go meet my son.

First coordinating outfits.  And nope, joke's on you-this was all Bard!

After a few days or so of long awaited bliss. We accept the referral (after having sent his medical file off to the international adoption clinic and exchanging several emails, Skype calls, photos, videos, and MY TRUST.)  Then the next adventure.  When do we meet with the judge?  One week?  Two weeks?  Three weeks?  Four weeks?  I've read about all those variables in the past four months.  That brings up another major decision, if it's far out, do we stay and wait or do we go home?  Do we all go home or do I stay by myself or with one child?  Can I leave my son behind and return to normal, like my heart wasn't just melted into his little fingers?

I don't know.  But eventually we go before a judge, make a statement, answer some questions and wait to see if he rules in our favor.  (By the way, there are countless other adventures here-is the child's Ukrainian family involved at all, do other documents need to be procured-for him or for us, additional travel, etc.)   Then another adventure, there is typically a ten day waiting period before the adoption is finalized.  Sometimes, for various reasons, the waiting period is waived.  Would I like our waiting period waived?  Yes, please!  Oh, right, bureaucracy :/

Once the adoption is final we do another bit of a mad scramble to get all the documents he needs to leave the country-new birth certificate, visa, passport, medical forms, library card, whatever.  Again, that can take days or weeks!  Throughout the whole process we are relying a lot on our facilitator to walk us through this maze.  Weird.  No one walked us through getting our first two kids. . .

Then, finally, after nearly two years, and hopefully before my hair is completely gray (oh wait. . .) we're done! We-obviously-will have only booked one way tickets to Ukraine, so me, small fry, and whoever else happens to still be with me at that point books the first plane outta there! I'm sure a 19 hour plane ride with a small child who doesn't speak English and has never been in a car, much less a metal roaring tube, will go by in the blink of an eye.  But who cares, because we touch down, he is an American citizen, and we are home.

Then, it doesn't matter if all the choices were opposite of what mine would have been and I had to go back and start over a million times.  Because I know the end of the book, and it's worth it, every bit.