Bard and Kristin at nine months!

I think Bard's body is much better for carrying the baby-he has a foot more of room, it's like the Key Arena in there! : ) This picture is actually Bard at our birthing class, where he had to wear an empathy belly and carry around 35 pounds of extra weight. For 20 minutes. Yeah, try 20 weeks!

During my third trimester I felt like I had a break through with how I viewed the baby. Because I've wanted to be pregnant for so long and have wanted to have children for as long as I can remember (now I'll just take the kid part, being prego is not all it's cracked up to be!), I always felt a bit controlling about it. Okay, you can stop laughing now, thanks! I don't mean controlling the different aspects of the pregnancy, I mean controlling the fact that the baby is a blessing from God, one that I need to give back to Him. I think children are like any other gift from God, if we are obsessed with our kids and don't trust God in their lives, it's like we're hoarding them which I think would only lead to smothering and a focus on self rather than God. But, throughout the pregnancy I still always felt doubt as to whether I really trusted God with my child. What if something was wrong with her, did I trust God then? What if she had a disability or was delayed in some way, did I trust God? I didn't really feel like I did, I just wanted her so badly and wanted her the way I pictured her in my mind.

I don't know how or why, but the other day I was delivering dinner to a friend of mine who had just had a baby (don't come to our church, there is something in the water!) And God just spoke to me. I was listening to a song called Blessed Be Your Name (http://www.lyricsbox.com/matt-redman-lyrics-blessed-be-your-name-pfs45jc.html) Some of you may remember that we sang this song at our wedding, mainly because it talks so much about continuing to bless God when life is hard and when life is good-through everything remaining faithful to who He is in our lives. It was perfect at our wedding because besides having children, I can't imagine another time than marriage that we enter with so many crazy expectations that we have to learn to give over to God. As I sat on Pacific Ave listening to that song, I felt such a sense of peace. God reminded me so deeply of how much He has already done for me, and that even in the worst of times He was right there-Joy. If He has already shown me so much love, grace, and strength, then why would He stop after I had a child? I know this child is from Him and that He loves her more than I ever could. And I know that no matter what happens I will be able to bless His name because He will always work to bring good in my life, and the life of my child.