Godspeed!

I'm not sure exactly where that phrase comes from, but I am very sure that in the entire history of mankind, it has never been used with more meaning than today.  Today, the day our Home Study was signed on and sent off with our I800 so we could officially apply to adopt our child!  Yay!!!!  The adoption process is defined by waiting, waiting, waiting, not getting anything done, and still, always, having one more thing to complete, re do, and then wait on.  So, two such big milestones is an awesome accomplishment.  Now, we have to undergo yet another fingerprinting process (our third) and wait to hear back approval from the US government that we can adopt internationally.

Our completed I800, now on it's way to USCIS!

And while we are waiting for that approval, we are also waiting on more paperwork, although when I thought before that some paperwork was out of my control, that was just the tip of the iceberg.  This paperwork is REALLY out of my control-it's paperwork that will lead to the reopening of Kazakhstan to US adoptions.  As soon as this paperwork (have I said paperwork enough?  No, there is never enough paperwork for adoptions!)  is filed, then our governments just need to have a little chat with each other and all will be well. The paperwork is on our side, but hopefully once it's resolved, things will move fast (which in the adoption world never happens but I am ever the optimist and sure all my little ducks will be in a row when in reality one of them is probably swimming in the wrong ocean and I will move heaven and earth to get it, but hey, that's what I do) and then not too long before I get my long imagined phone call.

You see, months ago, when we first started this process, I started imagining my phone call.  Where would I be?  At work?  At the Y?  With Bard?  Driving? What would they say?  How would I respond?  Scream?  Cry?  Because how would you respond if someone called you and told you they had a baby on the other side of the world for you, and would you like to come pick him up? Yes please.  That's the referral call.  Accompanied by an email with pictures of the most darling boy ever.  But we can't get that call until we turn in our dossier-all the forms required by the Kazakhstan government to adopt-and we can't finish those forms until Kazakhstan is officially open to US adoptions. Interesting fact about Kazakhstan, they are considered to have very good orphanage care, when compared to many other countries. Their First Lady has invested in the orphanage process, increasing the quality of care to orphans all over the country and even visiting the Baby House that we will likely travel to when we meet our child.  Some houses have music lessons, swimming pools, and different kinds of therapy!  Which is a reason why many people choose

First Lady Nazarbayeva

Kazakhstan to adopt from, because they know their children are getting better care than many orphans world wide.  So when we do get that phone call, that we have been referred to a child, it helps to know that he will be in good hands. Even though I have imagined that phone call for months, I am now imagining another phone call.  Actually an email but that is not as dramatic, so nowhere near as fun. Soon and very soon, I am going to get an email stating that Kaz is open.  And then I will scream and cry.  And then I will bust my ass (and that of anyone who tries to slow me down) to complete our paperwork in record time.  So that I can get my next phone call.  So that I can get on a plane.  So that I can go meet my baby.

Open.  Open.  Open.  I am just sure I can will things to happen.  I can't explain it, but I feel positive.  Maybe it's because I like getting things done.  Maybe it's because I know a family in Kaz right now, bonding with their little man who is likely the same age our little boy will be when we meet him.  Maybe I feel positive because this process is growing me, changing who I am as a person, helping me to be comfortable in a waiting time of unknown and being used to deepen my love.  A friend once said that love is like a muscle-it has to be stretched to get stronger and often that stretching involves pain.  As I type this my triceps are killing me because I upped my weights this morning during my work out.  When you are sore the night of a work out, wow, the next day will be real fun!  But I have experienced continual stretching throughout this process, to the point of intense pain, and over and over again I hear, "Wait." Yet while I am waiting, there have been several clear moments when I feel so much love for this little boy, I have a physical reaction - I know that waiting is part of the process, making me ready for my little one.

Lately, waiting has been the theme of my life in so many areas.  We have been waiting through this adoption process.  We have been waiting on Cici's health issues.  We have been waiting to find out about a new job for Bard. In the past few weeks, all three of those issues hit major milestones.  And yet, we are still waiting!  I wrote in another blog that "I Will Wait" by Mumford and Sons has become a bit of an anthem for me.  I seem to hear it in the moments that I most need a release and it's almost cathartic.  You might laugh but I've thought about getting a tattoo about waiting because it does seem to be a permanent part of me!  I think I am learning to use "trusting" as a synonym for waiting.  In that sense, waiting can be a time of rest, not strife.  And the focus can be on hope, not despair.  So as I wait to hear from our government (probably the ultimate test of waiting and trusting!) and from the Kazakhstan government, I really do mean godspeed.  Not in a fast sense, since sometimes God is achingly slow, but just in a right sense, with rest and hope. Godspeed means the perfect speed.