Maternity Session

The Kazakhstant pendant Bard gave me.

 I never did a maternity photo session.  I  have seen many gorgeous
 photo shoots of women-stunning, alive, about to become mothers.
 And I think it's a beautiful idea, just not one that I have been drawn to,
 until now.  But these photos do not capture the baby growing inside
 me, they capture the love, growing inside all of us.  And they were not designed to show a timeline, an expectation of how much longer we had to wait.  Just that we are waiting. Expectant.  Hoping.

Holding our horse, brought back from Kazakhstan.

I read another adoption blog not too long ago, that talked about how it takes a village to go through an adoption, just like a regular pregnancy. But perhaps even more so.  With a biological pregnancy, every time you see the expectant mother, you are reminded of what she is going through and a pregnancy comment or question is on the tip of your tongue.  With an adoption, every time I see someone, the adoption is on the tip of my tongue.  Honestly, it's all I want to talk about with anyone, from grocery store clerk to close friend.  This. Is. My. Life. And I am fortunate to be surrounded by a village of people who get me. When Chelle first took these photos, she posted one right away, saying that people going through the adoption process shouldn't have to wait for one more thing!  She is an amazingly talented friend, (check out her work here) one who has been taking our family photos for years. But never before has she captured our hearts, our prayers, our lives, so powerfully. So beautifully.

Evelyn wearing her Kazakh vest and hat.

You can see all the photos she took by clicking the link on the right, and check out her blog for the write up she did for our shoot.  In fact, you should stop reading this blog and read her write up of our pictures!  She wrote what I needed to read and those thoughts have never been outside my head.  That's the village.  Friends who send me links to ideas for photo shoots, interviews about adoptions, webinars for adoption support.  Friends who ask me how the process is going, what they can pray for, and that are crying, and waiting, with me.  That's the village. And just as a waistline grows with a biological pregnancy, so my support grows with this adoptive pregnancy.  Just knowing that people are thinking of me, of my family, of our growing family, is incredibly meaningful.

There is an old saying, "It's the thought that counts."  I don't know how it was originally intended, but let's be honest, often times that saying is used as a cop out!  Which is too bad, because the thought does count, and it counts a lot. I've never really thought about why some women do a maternity photo session and why I wasn't interested in one.  But I thought about this photo shoot.  At first it just seemed like a really fun idea.  Then I thought about it some more.  And I realized that it would be a moving expression of where I'm at right now; where our family is at, captured in art.  Then I thought about it some more. And I realized that this photo shoot wasn't for me.  Because what it ultimately captures is the thought behind our adoption.  You see, some day, a lifetime from now, but relatively soon, I will bring home a little boy.  And he will be young, innocent, completely unaware of the life he should have experienced. But he will learn.  And as he grows, he will grow to understand that someone gave him up.  And no matter the reason behind her decision, the fact remains the same, his mother left him.  And I, as his mother, will watch this dawning realization with terror and grief.  I will want to fix him, to stem the sorrow, to make all the hurts go away.  But I can't, won't, be able to.  Because at each stage in his life, he will grieve in a new way.  And so as he faces each new stage, I

Praying for baby brother.

must be ready to face it with him.  To let him grieve.  To let him feel. To cry and to pray and to do anything possible to show him love.  And so I thought about these pictures.  Even now, half way across the world, somewhere, with someone, is my son.  Maybe he has already felt hurt and confusion at who loves him.  But I love him.  And in any way I can, I will show him that he is wanted, loved, longed for.  Before he was born, I wanted him. Before he opened his eyes, I dreamed of what color they would be.  I celebrated his first Christmas, his first Easter, his first photo shoot.  Some day, he will see these pictures.  An undeniable visual message of love. Photographs to show we are planning for him. We are excited to meet him. We are praying for him.  And he is part of our family.  Maybe a maternity photo shoot is designed to capture the beauty of a new life.  To me, and my family, this photo shoot captures all our new lives.  The beauty in a new hope.  A new love.