Prayer for a Baby

I am now eight weeks pregnant. At eight weeks with my second pregnancy I miscarried, losing the baby and a part of myself. Since finding out I was pregnant I've run the scale of emotions many times, ricocheting from excitement to fear, joy to panic.

One of the first signs of concerns with the last pregnancy was that I never felt sick-and sickness is often a sign that hormones are increasing-a good and necessary development for the baby.
About three weeks ago I felt like I was starting to feel sick and was pretty relieved. Until the next day when I felt fine and the day after that when I felt fine as well. I was still pretty early in the pregnancy, so it definitely wasn't abnormal that I felt okay, but I grew more and more anxious. I called Bard in the middle of the day, fear in my voice and told him how I felt. It didn't surprise me that his first response was to pray. What surprised me was his prayer. "Heavenly Father I just pray for Kristin and for this baby growing inside of her. I pray that it would be healthy and for her not worry. God, I just ask that Kristin feel so sick that she knows she is pregnant and that everything is going well. I ask that she feel nauseous all the time."

Hmmm. Well, "prayers of righteous man" and all that, two days later I woke up and felt sick all day. It was Mother's Day. All that week I felt sick-but just sick like I was with Evelyn-as long as I ate I felt okay. I never felt really seriously ill. Until the following week. I woke up and pretty much didn't get off the couch all day. And it's been like that for two weeks. We've canceled plans, cut my work hours, made arrangements with friends and family to care for Evelyn, received meals (for Bard, I'm barely eating anything), and restructured my life so I'm not doing more than one thing a day. Thanks honey! We told people I was pregnant two weeks before originally planned because it was just so obvious there was something wrong with me. Evelyn's nick name in utero was Little Birdie. I've nick named this one Gremlin because I'm pretty sure it's eating me from the inside out. But, it is a sign of health (the baby's, not mine). It's a sign that my hormones are doubling every day. And it's a sign that Motherhood is approaching again, the first of many times when I will care for this child even though I don't feel up to it. That I will make it through the day not based on how I feel, but on how my children need to feel. And that ultimately, no matter what this child puts me through-the pain, the worry, the lack of control. I will love this child. Unconditionally. And I'm grateful for every minute of it. Because I'm a mom.

We're not out of the woods yet, and still need prayer, although I haven't asked Bard to pray lately. . .I honestly probably won't stop worrying until I hold my baby in my arms. But the next 4 weeks will be very telling and getting through the first trimester is a huge milestone. Please keep us in your prayers. And if you need prayer for something, just ask Bard, he has a way with words!