Prayer for a Baby

I am now eight weeks pregnant. At eight weeks with my second pregnancy I miscarried, losing the baby and a part of myself. Since finding out I was pregnant I've run the scale of emotions many times, ricocheting from excitement to fear, joy to panic.

One of the first signs of concerns with the last pregnancy was that I never felt sick-and sickness is often a sign that hormones are increasing-a good and necessary development for the baby.
About three weeks ago I felt like I was starting to feel sick and was pretty relieved. Until the next day when I felt fine and the day after that when I felt fine as well. I was still pretty early in the pregnancy, so it definitely wasn't abnormal that I felt okay, but I grew more and more anxious. I called Bard in the middle of the day, fear in my voice and told him how I felt. It didn't surprise me that his first response was to pray. What surprised me was his prayer. "Heavenly Father I just pray for Kristin and for this baby growing inside of her. I pray that it would be healthy and for her not worry. God, I just ask that Kristin feel so sick that she knows she is pregnant and that everything is going well. I ask that she feel nauseous all the time."

Hmmm. Well, "prayers of righteous man" and all that, two days later I woke up and felt sick all day. It was Mother's Day. All that week I felt sick-but just sick like I was with Evelyn-as long as I ate I felt okay. I never felt really seriously ill. Until the following week. I woke up and pretty much didn't get off the couch all day. And it's been like that for two weeks. We've canceled plans, cut my work hours, made arrangements with friends and family to care for Evelyn, received meals (for Bard, I'm barely eating anything), and restructured my life so I'm not doing more than one thing a day. Thanks honey! We told people I was pregnant two weeks before originally planned because it was just so obvious there was something wrong with me. Evelyn's nick name in utero was Little Birdie. I've nick named this one Gremlin because I'm pretty sure it's eating me from the inside out. But, it is a sign of health (the baby's, not mine). It's a sign that my hormones are doubling every day. And it's a sign that Motherhood is approaching again, the first of many times when I will care for this child even though I don't feel up to it. That I will make it through the day not based on how I feel, but on how my children need to feel. And that ultimately, no matter what this child puts me through-the pain, the worry, the lack of control. I will love this child. Unconditionally. And I'm grateful for every minute of it. Because I'm a mom.

We're not out of the woods yet, and still need prayer, although I haven't asked Bard to pray lately. . .I honestly probably won't stop worrying until I hold my baby in my arms. But the next 4 weeks will be very telling and getting through the first trimester is a huge milestone. Please keep us in your prayers. And if you need prayer for something, just ask Bard, he has a way with words!

What's in Mama's Tummy?

I Need It!

What are the differences between needs and wants? I know many adults who think they are one and the same and am sure I fall victim to that trap myself far too often. Bard and I try really hard to constantly evaluate the material items we have and our desires to buy more. We have a pretty strict rule of replacement-if we buy an item of clothing, then we have to get rid of an item of clothing. The same goes for books, shoes, and just general junk that we all seem to accumulate. We don't value brand names for clothes (is Old Navy a brand name?!) and have very few of them. Honestly, I just don't see the point and I think once you go down that road, it's hard not to start placing a lot of importance on things that really aren't that important. I'm not saying we're Amish, or against owning nice things. We just bought a new tv (so we got rid of our old one) - for the first time in 13 years! We like it : ) Oh, and I should clarify, I don't think it's wrong to buy expensive things, sometimes a good brand is the only way to get good quality. But sometimes not. We don't think there is anything wrong with stuff-hence the new tv-it's just easy to slide down the slippery slope of constantly needing to get new stuff. That's also why we only have one car. We thought about it and felt that we really didn't need two cars. Bard takes the bus to work every day. It does have it's challenging moments, but it's worth it.

So, how do you teach your child not to become obsessed with stuff? Especially because everyone else seems to be teaching her the opposite! We've made it a point not to buy Evelyn a lot of things either. She doesn't get treats every time we go to the store. In fact, I'm not sure that she has ever gotten a treat at the store! We cycle through her toys, so there are not a ton out everywhere. When she is older, she'll have an allowance and have to buy a lot of her own things, just like I did! I loved it ; ) But I know there is more than that to teaching her that she is not the center of the universe, that she doesn't need a cell phone at the age of 5, that other stores make clothes besides Abercrombie and Fitch (sp?) I really want her to value giving, sharing what she has with others, understanding how blessed she is and that those blessings come from God. It's really important to me that she grows up understanding this concept.

That's why the twos are going to be very hard for me! Developmentally two year olds are ego centric. It's just where they're at : ) She is learning her own independence, that she can make choices, that she is an individual with her own, yes, needs and wants. These are all great things and should be encouraged. Unfortunately they can be used for both good and evil! Evelyn has recently started telling us all the things she needs, "I need to go bye bye." "I need to get babydoll." "I need to eat snack." "I need music." It's not too surprising, we tell her what she needs to do all the time, so she is just repeating it, and taking it up a notch. We are trying to have conversations with her, "Evelyn, you say, 'Mama, may I have snack please'" She knows how to do this as well, but sometimes just looks at us like we're crazy-I guess that starts young! But the realization of how easy kids turn into cute, but demanding little tyrants came the other day when Evelyn was playing with her rocking horse. Bard and I weren't in the room but we heard our little pipsqueak loud and clear, "Bard, Bard, Bard! I need to get on my horse!"

Yeah, pray for us, our child is the next Napoleon, and I don't mean Dynamite!