Santa Baby

So this was Christmas. Hmm, how many musical references do you think I can fit in one blog? ; ) Last spring Bard and I were discussing the possibility of being pregnant around this time (contrary to popular belief, there are no "accidents"-if you are surprised that you are pregnant, then we need to have a chat!) I was really unsure about being pregnant/possibly delivering right in the middle of the holiday season. But for several reasons, one apparently I need to let go of control, we decided to just see what would happen.

Nine months later. Since I've now made it through Christmas, and almost to next year-although I'm not sure I'll make that yet-I feel pretty good. Yes, there were really hard moments, filled with back pain, heart burn, utter exhaustion, and being overwhelmed, but fortunately that did not take away from Christmas. Even with heartburn I was still able to eat the yummy food! I really wanted to enjoy Christmas as a family. We've established many traditions, from Zoolights to holiday baking, from a Christmas Eve present to White Elephant gift parties. I love these times. I love the music, the memories, the food, the thought, and yes, the busyness. And I'm so grateful that I got to experience it all with the people I love. Including the one that has given me thirty extra pounds to carry around while doing it all ; )

As I sit here, we're getting ready to take down our tree, the carseat is in the car and each of our belongings are packed and ready for overnight stays. The baby's room is done-complete with Bard's mom's Christening Dress hanging on the wall-a Christmas present from Bard's grandma that helped me finish the room because I couldn't figure out what I wanted to put on the walls-beautiful! Evelyn is playing with her new presents, we've packed away some of her old toys-some for the baby and some to give to "boys and girls who don't have very many toys." I've finished some last work emails, and know that even if I went into labor tonight, three months of maternity leave are set up to go fairly smoothly. And last night I spent a hundred dollars at Target buying last minute baby supplies that were not totally needed but gave me peace of mind. I probably shouldn't go back to Target til after the baby is born!

I feel content. Yes, when I was walking up the hill at Zoolights, a block behind Bard and Evelyn because I had to stop every few minutes due to stabbing pain, I did wonder why I had thought being this pregnant over Christmas was a good idea. Yes, when I thought I might be going into labor on Christmas Eve eve and was running around ironing angel costumes, labeling work supplies, and dusting the bedroom dresser, I thought, this is terrible! But somehow, those moments pass. And the moments we are left with are ones of gratitude-at seeing a bigger plan, at knowing that it will be okay, at the thought of Joy to the World and Peace on Earth.

Christmas was great. I ate a ton of fudge and somehow managed to lose a pound! Okay, more than that, it was a celebration with family and friends. It was watching Evelyn's eyes light up as she gave Bard his present. It was standing with family, in candlelight, singing Silent Night. It was wrapping that last stocking on Christmas Eve and knowing that it would be opened in just a few hours. It was knowing that next Christmas I will be doing it all with my second daughter as well, teaching her the traditions and watching her experience the joy.

And so what if I had to scoot the chair back from the table a few extra inches in order to get up after Christmas Dinner? Didn't everybody?!

The Valley Song

You have led me to the sadness
I have carried this pain
On a back bruised, nearly broken
I am crying out to you

I will sing of your mercy
That leads me through valleys of sorrow
To rivers of joy

When death like a gypsy
Comes to steal what I love
I will still look to the heavens
I will still seek your face

But I fear you aren't listening
Because there are no words
Just the stillness and the hunger
For the faith that assures

Alleluia, alleluia
Alleluia, alleluia

I will sing of your mercy
That leads me through valleys of sorrow
To rivers of joy

While we wait for rescue
With our eyes tightly shut
Face to the ground using our hands
To cover the fatal cut

And though the pain is an ocean
Tossing us around, around, around
You have calmed greater waters
Higher mountains have come down

I will sing of your mercy
That leads me through valleys of sorrow
To rivers of joy

Alleluia, Alleluia
Alleluia, alleluia



. . . . Jars of Clay

Fall Firsts and Pregnancy No Nos

Aside from starting preschool, Evelyn has also started dancing in my ballet classes this fall! This may seem odd to those of you who know that she has come to class with me since she was 4 months old. But now is the first time she is old enough to actually participate, in the way that the other students are. I was a little nervous about how she would do, but very soon I was pulling out my camera to snap pictures of her, just like any other proud mama : ) She interacted with the other girls really well-she is 2 and a half and they are all 3, 4, and 5 years old. And in fact, not surprisingly, after the first week was bossing them around. Sigh. She told them where to sit, tried to tuck in their ballet shoe bows, and "helped" them stand the right way in line. Even the ones who are twice her age and size! She is a bit squirelly, since she is technically too young to be in the class, but I was delighted at how well she did. After her first class she spent the rest of the week talking about plies, gallops, and dancing with scarves. She loves wearing her little tutu and often mimics the activities we do in class at home (see video posted on facebook.) It's hard to say who loves it more-her or me : )

This fall we also had our first, slightly more serious, health issue. Evelyn was wheezing so I called the Dr to ask whether or not I should bring her in or what to look for. Much to my surprise (I'm not sure why) they consider even the slightest wheezing an emergency and saw her right away. They promptly put her on breathing treatments, 2-3 a day until all symptoms cleared up, which took about two weeks. This was so discouraging and frustrating to me. For a child who is rarely sick, she seems to have these odd health issues and I hate the thought of her being affected by them. But, out came the nebulizer and there we sat for 10-20 minutes each treatment. She does pretty well, although books and songs only cut it so much of them time and we have often turned to Elmo, online pictures of her, animals, or whatever else has a chance at keeping her still for that amount of time! The Dr said it's triggered by environmental issues-allergies-so she is very likely to grow out of it, but it's still frustrating. Fortunately her attitude is much better than mine!

Now, enough about Evelyn, what about me?! Well, I'm very pregnant, just starting my 7th month, and although I'm uncomfortable, everything is going well so I can't complain too much. Except that I love to complain, so I will : ) There are many dos and do nots for pregnant women- do take your vitamins, don't drink alcohol, do drink tons of water, don't take ibuprofen, do get regular exercise, don't eat shellfish, do sleep only on your side, don't go on any carnival rides. Blah blah blah. However, very few people talk about the dos and don'ts of other people REGARDING pregnant women. This is a sadly lacking social grace in our society, one that I feel a strong calling to correct, so that we don't spiral further down into barbarian ways. So listen up! First and foremost, it is never, I repeat NEVER acceptable to comment on how huge a woman looks-pregnant or not! Seriously, I have no idea where you people get these ideas! Big, big no no. This is closely followed by the second rule, no matter how surprised you are when someone shares her due date-do not show that surprise. No 4 month pregnant woman likes to be told she looks like she could pop any day! This is closely followed by the third rule. You never, I repeat, NEVER, ask a woman, pregnant or not, how much she weighs/how much weight she has gained. Are you kidding me? Are you sensing a theme here? Then you are right-the theme is comments that would be perceived as negative by women who are not pregnant, are most likely going to be perceived as negative by women who are pregnant. Hormones may be responsible for a lot of changes during pregnancy, but there is no magical hormone that makes a woman feel sexy when you are saying how big she is. Sorry folks, doesn't exist. Okay, so if I've now severely limited your conversation topics, what can you say? Here are some very acceptable examples: "Wow, you look fabulous!" "Look at how cute, and untired you look." "Do you need anything? Can I get you chocolate or a foot massage?" "Why don't you sit down and let me do that for you." And the always popular, "You are the most beautiful pregnant woman I have ever seen!" I guarantee that if you open with one of these comments, and not the "huge" one, you will be greeted with a smile, and not a dead pan "I'm not really sure how to respond to you" look. Plus, pregnant women are known to be slightly unpredictable, trust me, this is for your own good! Whew. Are we good? I really think that this is what our society needs to move to the next level, end polarization in politics, increase tolerance, establish peace in warring countries, and solve poverty. Just be nice to pregnant women and all our problems will be solved!