Outliers

Ten years ago, when I went grocery shopping I would be instantly irritated by the person who stopped his or her cart in the middle of the aisle, completely clueless to anyone on a mission to be the fastest grocery shopper. Ever.

Then I got married. More to the point, I married Bard.

Some of you are laughing (at me) right now, but for those of you who don't know Bard, I will tell you, he is not trying to win the race of life and he doesn't even realize that all of life is a race!

Silly rabbit.

Fast forward ten years and I am still trying to get off the race track.  Guess what, having kids makes that more complicated because suddenly you're racing them too. And it's exhausting. Add to that there are actually real battles in life that knock us down, over and over again. Now try adopting a child who has special needs and in fact, needs open heart surgery.

Bring your doubts

Bring your fears

Bring your hurt

Bring your tears

There has yet to be a doctor's appointment for my first two children where I was not awarded the golden good parenting sticker.  Evelyn was reading at a 5th grade level last September which means she's probably moved onto Tolstoyevsky by now.  She still has not had to study for her weekly spelling test, and if there is a song she can't sing, a line she can't act, or a dance she can't do, I have yet to discover it.  Cecilia started sounding out words last year, counts past 100 easily-just for fun-and has feet that would bring back Balanchine. They are winning the race.

But when I fill out questionnaires at the pediatrician for Max I get angry at the paperwork. No, he's not doing that yet, no he hasn't reached that milestone, no, no, no.  Yes, we'll make another appointment.  Yes, we'll get therapy. Yes, he'll wear orthotics.  Max is not even at the race. But I still am, and therein lies the problem.

Bring your tired

Bring your shame

Bring your guilt

Bring your pain

All through our paper baby (remember that little stinker?!) I had to live day by day and oh how I hated it. I longed for our next step, and the next one, and the next one.  But they were all so far away, so out of my control, so vague. Now the next steps are so clear that I have a visceral response when I feel, however right or wrong, that they're slipping away. Only they are not my next steps. They belong to a little brown eyed boy who calls me "Nana" and is far more interested in how many of our household objects can be rolled under the piano than whatever imaginary milestone I have set in my mind for him to meet.

He's not even at the race.

But as days piled into months and the months turned into a year and then kept going, I started to see milestones differently.  Each day was a milestone.

Give us today...

Max was not working toward some textbook compilation of goals.  Max was working toward being Max.  When I stopped trying to make each step faster than the one before, I was able to rest, abide, and Be Still.  The peace I gained by deciding to live for one day has been tremendous and it's helped me to see Max in a whole new way. Too often we view ourselves, our children, and our lives as being linear.  When in fact life is a dance. Always moving, forward, backward, changing shape, leaping ahead, repeating a pattern and then breaking into something new. Every day Max has struggles and victories. Minute and tremendous, he walks through them and ends each day in triumph. But as he continues to hit his own milestones in his own way, I've come to see another unique aspect of following Max. As fun as it is to see my girls develop, and as sure as I am that they will surprise me, I can see a little bit of where they're going and how they're going to get there.  Not a lot, but a little. Max is a statue within the clay. Just like the girls, I know he is capable of great accomplishments, I just don't know what yet.  He brings something different, an organic art to the way he develops.

So all hail the underdogs

All hail the new kids

All hail the outlaws

Spielbergs and Kubriks

It's our time to make a move

It's our time to make amends

It's our time to break the rules

Let's begin...

Our world would not exist without structure, without linear thinking and accepted greatness. But deep within our soul we hunger for more. Something that breaks the mold and grabs us from sinking into mediocrity.  And the more that I can see that truth lived out in Max, the more I start to see it in my girls and lived out all around me. Maybe it's a good thing I don't know what to expect from Max.

Just maybe, there's no race after all.

There'll be days I lose the battle

Grace says that it doesn't matter

Cause the cross already won the war

He's greater

He's greater

I am learning to run freely

Understanding how he sees me

And it makes me love him more and more

He's greater

He's greater

Christmas Letter

Nothing says “Christmas Letter” like open heart surgery.  But that is exactly how the Luippold Family began 2015! Surgery, new schools, new jobs, and weekly therapy lessons made for a busy year full of challenges, joys, a lot of fun and honestly, very little sleep J But through it all we’ve been supported by our friends and family, our faith in God, and as the line from my favorite Christmas special says, the willingness to “put one foot in front of the other and soon you are walking out the door!” So come on, walk a bit with us through the past year.

     We all know you only want to hear about the kids, but hang on, let’s chat a little about Kristin and Bard, shall we? I had two major events during the first half of the year, running a fundraiser auction for Serve the Children and also directing backstage volunteers (and my own classes) at the girls’ dance recital. Both speak to my passions and were an honor for me to be a part of. But lately I’ve felt God calling me to support the refugee crisis and be a part of what local organizations are doing to help refugees transition to the Seattle area.  I’m can’t wait to see what 2016 brings!  Bard ended the year with a bang by leaving his CEO position at ProGlass and becoming a Senior Product Manager at Amazon. Um, employee discount, yes please! It’s a tough commute but he loves the job and excited for growth.

Okay, how about our first born? Evelyn had a blast performing in the dance recital as well as her summer theatre camp-that kid loves the stage-but she also faced a different challenge, starting a new school. We experienced a lot frustration during the last school year due to the administration’s refusal to work with us regarding Evelyn’s allergies or the on-going bullying issues.  So, after a lot of prayer, a lot of talking, and a lot of angry conversations in my head(!), we decided to enroll Ev at the private school Cici has been attending and where Evelyn attended pre-school.  It’s been absolutely amazing, a great decision. And now she is not only physically and emotionally safe, but thriving in an environment rich with arts and classical education.

Now to Miss Feisty Four-Year Old. Cici has also loved dancing and her mama loved dancing onstage with her in Cici’s first real theatre dance recital. She has started reading and for Christmas really wants Dr Seuss books, but Santa may not have known that early enough…Cici has been in Jr Kindergarten and loves it.  She asks repeatedly to attend school every day, all day.  A fact I will remind her of when she is seventeen! She also joined Evelyn in piano lessons this past year and last week gave a lovely rendition of Twinkle Twinkle Little Star at her piano recital!

On to Mr Heart Surgery, or as Cici calls him, “Mr Max!” In February Max was operated on by a team from Seattle Children’s Hospital and the surgery went very well.  He was in the hospital for less than a week and between his quick recovery and all the help from Grandee, who flew up to watch the girls, friends who provided meals and family who drove the girls around it was the least stressful that heart surgery can be! His cardiologist says his heart sounds great, so now the only one in the family with a heart murmur is me! Besides heart surgery, Max had several big changes this year.  After spending his first 6 months in a crib in our room, he moved to his first ever own bedroom! He transitioned really well and also showed great adaption when we flew to spend time with Bard’s family in New Hampshire. Over the summer, Max started walking and talking a lot more. While he still needs a little extra help and has been in therapy regularly, his speech, physical, and facilitator therapists all say he has made incredible strides over the last three months. So, next year look for Max to be in therapy less and even to start attending his own little two-year old class at school with Evelyn and Cecilia!

Even though 2015 brought so many changes, something makes me think that 2016 will as well.  Change can be sad and, just like this last year, I know there will be losses to grieve and disappointments to endure. But change also brings in something new, something fresh. And since we are surrounded by such a great community, we look forward to the future, to sharing life with each other, and sharing love as we go.