Happy New Year!

A traditional dance to celebrate Nauryz.

Nope, you didn't click on an archived post :)  It's the New Year in Kazakhstan!  Like much of Central Asia and the Middle East, Kazakhstan celebrates Nauryz, or the Persian New Year on March 21st and 22nd.  This holiday marks the coming of spring, an important time for the ancient nomadic steppe tribes because it meant their livestock could feed better and cold temperatures were on their way out.  Through a lot of searching, and contacting the University, I discovered a few local celebrations, however, due to illness and previous plans, we were unable to attend any of them. :(  But, you can be sure we will be Rockin the Persian New Year next year, hopefully with a new little Persian!  Okay, we're not adopting a Persian child, modern day Persia is mostly Iran and I have a feeling that adoption route is closed tighter than Russia, but you know what I mean ;)

It's considered best if you cannot see any part of the table!

So what does one do for a good ol' fashioned Kaz New Year?!  Well, let me tell you!  Because the holiday is closely tied with spring, many of the traditions associated with Nauryz represent a newness, a freshness.  People clean everything, purchase special new clothes, and put up decorations-sound familiar?  And of course, just like holidays across the world, Nauryz features food, food, food!  I actually found a little Middle Eastern Grocery store just a few miles from my house!  Because we've been sick, and because I now keep the Kaz Embassy's list of requirements for the dossier open on my desktop, so I can spend time stressing about it, I broke one of the rules of celebrating Nauryz-all food should be homemade.  I do love to bake-as witnessed by my Irish brownies over the weekend (you may have never heard of Irish brownies, let's just say you can make anything "Irish" ;)). And next year I look forward to hosting a full on Nauryz Party, but for this year, I learned as much as I could (read more here) and then adapted it to what would work for us, right now.  The number 7 is also very important and the traditional Nauryz food, Kozhe, features 7 ingredients.  Further research has led me to believe this dish, like their tradition of drinking fermented mare's milk, may be an acquired taste that I will save up for experiencing when I am actually in Kazakhstan!  But our trip to the deli was successful and I created some treats, all featuring the 7 main ingredients with a Kristin twist-bonus points if you can figure out the item that represents me.  Yummy! There are many other events associated with Nauryz.  Planting trees and cleaning up parks, sporting games-mostly involving horses although a goat's head may also be found (!), big family gatherings, charitable events, and shows.  A mixture of honoring old traditions and celebrating them in a new way.

My own version of Nauryz Kozhe!

As a history major, I love the idea of learning about ancient traditions.  And as an adopting mom, I love even more the concept of merging something old with something new; expanding, growing, developing.  So today we got out our Kazakh music CD, we read our book on folk tales from the steppe, we ate our treats from the deli and we prayed for our little baby brother.  There's no way that the girls can fully understand what bringing a new family member into our home will mean for them.  There's no way that I can imagine what this new year will bring to us.  But I do know that change, even when painful, brings growth.  And that when we grow, we transform into something new, something previously unknown.  So Happy Spring and Happy New Year! Embrace the newness, it will make you stronger, more unique, and who knows?  Maybe your life will be transformed this year, in ways you cannot even possibly imagine!

Making Home

Hold on, to me as we go

As we roll down this unfamiliar road

Did you ever end a relationship with someone and notice that every time you turned on the radio all you heard was horrible break up songs?  Music is the back drop of our lives.  Those of you who know me, know you will never get me to sing in front of people, but if you know me really well, you know that I'm always singing!  When I was a camp counselor, my name was Jukebox :) Because, whatever we were doing, it always reminded me of a song, and because it's easier to make a fool of yourself in front of kids, I would always start singing it!  Fast forward (whoosh!) to now, when every song I hear, seems to be about adoption.  The odds of that are pretty slim, especially since I mostly listen to pop music.  But there are three songs that are played constantly right now and they all speak so strongly to my heart.  One is the Mumford and Sons song that I quoted in a previous blog. (See it here)  Another is Phillip Phillips.

And although this wave is stringing us along

Just know you're not alone

Cause I'm going to make this place your home

The theme for my week has been creating a place for our baby, which has ran parallel to making our home-and my mind-ready for our first social worker visit.  We had finished the painting and put out the main items. All that was left was little details such as setting up his bedding and hanging his special vest-brought back from Kazakhstan.  The room, and baby's area was finally done.  Just looking at it made me smile. But it also made me sad.  It's hard not knowing when there will be a little one sleeping that bed.  And it's hard not knowing when Kazakhstan will officially open, to make that little one a possibility.

Settle down, it'll all be clear

Don't pay no mind to the demons

They fill you with fear

The trouble it might drag you down

If you get lost, you can always be found

So we keep moving forward.  Not really knowing what we are walking through, just what we are walking to.  And even though I was nervous, it was still a great step, another obstacle tackled, to have the social worker come visit last week. She was very nice and I thought the visit went really well. We have our second visit this Saturday and the report should be filed within a few weeks.  Mostly we went over questions that Bard and I have already answered, in one of the 7 jillion forms we've turned in to our agency.  But some questions were new, and some information was new as well-this woman has done hundreds of these visits and has a great perspective on both the adoption process and adopted children.  And to make my house a home for our baby brother, I need to rely on people, resources, like her, as we face challenges ahead.

Just know you're not alone

Cause I'm going to make this place your home

And now our home welcomes you with a little bit of Kazakhstan from the moment you walk up to our front door.  When we bought our house, the previous owners told us that for years it has been referred to as The Apple House.   He didn't know if that was due to the green color o because of the apple tree in the back yard, but we liked it, so it stuck.  While reading up on Kazakh history, we learned that apples first came from Kazakhstan and there are acres of orchards outside the first capital city, Almaty.  Apples grew quite big and were considered a delicacy.  During tsarist and Soviet times the sweet and grape fruit sized apple, the Aport, was hugely popular and shipped all over the continent.  But after the fall and with the ensuing economic difficulties, orchards have been left untended and today's version of the Aport is less impressive.  Interesting to think of an apple no longer being in its glory days, but a little love goes a long way, perhaps the trees could be grafted to create a new orchard.  And, interesting enough, Washington is known as the Apple State, also famous for our many orchards, particularly in the eastern part of the state.  So Bard and I thought we should have a little plaque, by our front door, The Apple House.  Which got me thinking.  We really are combining families, histories, cultures. Melodies and harmonies, different instruments composed into one song. How could all the pieces move together? Bard spent his summers growing up in New Hampshire and his family there has always been an important part of who he is, who he wants to be.  The lake in New Hampshire is family, sanctuary, peace. Home.  What if I brought a bit of it here?  With the help of (my now favorite!) cousin who lives on the family property, I was able to get a small piece of lake driftwood, just in time for Valentine's Day.  I rushed out and bought a little wood carving kit.  I am far from craftsy, but the meaning behind the method comes through.  Grafting families.  Growing together.  A new song.

Just know you're not alone

Cause I'm going to make this place your home

Family Dresser

The old-new-dresser!

I painted our dresser a few weeks ago, the start of Paintegeddon, 2013.  I like painting. Although, I only like painting.  Not the prep.  Not the clean up.  Just the painting :)  There's something so nice about taking a dingy old object and making it fresh, new.  I think we all want a little more of that in our lives.  But in this case, it was a little odd, because this is the third time I've painted this dresser.  And it didn't even start out mine, it was my parents, part of their bedroom set when they first got married.  I painted it when I was pretty much still a kid, white, with little flower knobs, the dresser, not me.  I remember sitting in the garage and feeling pretty proud of myself.  Little did I know that years later I would paint that dresser again, for my first child! And now I am painting it again, for my third child.  A friend gave us his daughter's old dresser to use for Evelyn-it's bigger to hold the millions of leggings she has because she insists on wearing a dress every day, so we could use her dresser for the baby.  And since my goal for February was to create an area for a child who I may not meet for another year, the best way to start seemed to be creating an area for him, a place we would bring him home to.

Baby's sub room, 2nd day of Paintegeddon.

Our room has a little sub room, that we have planned on turning into a space for the baby. Since he will be pretty young when we bring him back, and likely have attachment issues, we want him to sleep in our room for a while.  But, because I am me :) I can't not have a space that is his own.  So, we had to order a crib.  We had to order bedding.  We had to paint the dresser. We had to put out little toys and books for him.  And oh yeah, we had to paint our bedroom three different colors and 80 gabillion coats of paint, because little boys who are being adopted will go back to their birth countries, horrified, if their mothers used only two colors and 78 gabillion coats of paint!

Our room, first coat.

Mid Paintegeddon

But, I love it.  I smiled while painting the dresser, thinking that his little clothes will go in those drawers.  I smiled-on the first coat of paint-thinking how fun it was to create a little area for him, that he is unique and this is a way I can show love, even though he is on the other side of the world.  And I really smiled when the painting was done and I set out his little books and the horse from Kazakhstan.  Little tasks, that don't even have to be done, but I like doing them.  There's plenty of tasks that I have to do, but they are nowhere near as enjoyable-these are personal.  Part of me is nervous about having the social worker come this week, and I have a lot more of those not so enjoyable tasks to complete before our visit (although Bard has me beat since he redid a huge patch of sheet rock in our front room!) But part of me is excited.  Excited to show someone how anxious we are to have our little one join us, how much we want to prepare for him coming home to our family.  And, honestly, it might sound crazy, but anyone who is involved in this process with us takes on a deeper role. They become the nurse who helps me hear my child's heart beat, the Dr who checks the baby's growth and gives me a due date.  They are part of a huge team of people who are bringing my family together.  Interesting fact about Kazakhstan, the team of people caring for my son (who has likely been born although of course we are not sure on the timing) right now, are likely very loving and bonded with him.  Unlike orphanage care in SOME countries, Kazakhstan has a reputation of having wonderful caregivers in their orphanages, many of whom grow very connected to their children.

And that's why the dresser was so interesting for me to paint.  It started as being just my parents' dresser.  Then went to their child, then to their first grand child, now to their last grand child, a little boy from Kazakhstan.   It's not even that old, but what a history! Although, I can't paint it again or the drawers won't open, so we're done :)  I love the idea of something of mine becoming something of his. That's family, shared connections.  And that's the real reason I painted our bedroom too.  So it could become his.  When you have children, you mistakenly think that you are adding them to your family.  Nope.  As you share yourself, you change, becoming something new.  I can't wait to see what our new family will be!

Finished!  Our wedding painting that inspired the colors!

The Waiting is the Hardest Part

Painting the baby's area of our room.

There are way too many waiting times for an adoption.  It's like the Waiting Room from Hell. Waiting for the stupid life insurance company to get their paperwork back to me.  Waiting for the social worker to call.  Panicking because the social worker called.  Waiting for the stupid paint to dry.  Panicking because why on earth did you paint your bedroom the week before the social worker is coming?  Waiting for Kazakhstan to reopen for US adoptions.  Panicking because Kazakhstan is still closed.  There are a lot of panicking times in an adoption!

People ask me over and over when we will get our baby-not complaining, I'm thrilled when people show interest in our adoption!  But, the honest answer is I just don't know.  When we had been planning on a Russian adoption, there was a pretty good chance (as far as pretty good chances in the adoption world go-which means slim to none!) that we would be bringing our little boy home this year.  With Kazakhstan, there still is a chance that we could have our baby this year, but a lot of variables would have to fall into place to make that dream come true.  And right now, we are really just waiting.

We've been super busy, getting all our paperwork in order (see more on Home Study process: here.  But that is wrapping up-I have the last of most of it:  Bard's birth certificate, our tax report, proof of employment for both of us, FBI fingerprint checks, and my physical. We need proof of life insurance-which is held up, probably because they hate me, and Bard needs to get his physical, but that is about it.  We have to complete 10 hours of Adoption Parenting Classes, and we have 6 done so far-almost there!  And, the social worker.

So, next Saturday, the 9th, a social worker will come to our house for the first of two, 2 and a half hour interviews.  Once that joyful process, and the paperwork, is complete, our Home Study is done!  We started in January (the 16th to be exact) and hopefully we will be done by the end of March-we'll have our paperwork in over the next week, our second social worker visit is March 16th and I don't know how long it takes to process everything.

Kostanay Football

Then what?  Hmmm.  I don't know!  We can possibly start working on our dossier (which is like an extended version of the Home Study-more paper work and it all has to be apostilled!) But, if Kazakhstan is not reopened to US adoptions yet (it is supposed to reopen in late February, but again, in adoption lingo, that could translate to mean April!), we may have to wait, because our agency may not be sure of the requirements and best not to have to do things two, or three times!

Kostanay has many rivers and lakes.

Then, once our dossier is completed (probably a couple month process), we submit it to our government and Kazakhstan.  And wait.  It gets translated into Kazakh and Russian.  Goes to their Ministry of Education.  And from there to the region, Kostanay, where we will be adopting from.  Interesting fact about Kazakhstan, Kostanay is in the central north part of the country and has numerous colleges.  It is also home to FC Tobol, a pretty decent Football Club that has played well across Europe. After our information is taken to Kostanay, they review us to make a referral for a child they feel is a good match. And we wait.  Wait for a phone call that says they have a child to refer to us.  A child.

Ultimately, that is what we are waiting for.  Our child, to join our family.  And so every day that the life insurance takes, they are keeping me from my family.  The hours I spend, and will spend, waiting for phone calls, emails, documents in the mail, packages containing cute decorations for my son's area, are all really just waiting for the same thing. I think this waiting is the most excruciatingly painful and intensely beautiful experience. I want to see my baby.  I want to hold him.  And I want to bring him home.

But I'll kneel down

Wait for now

I'll kneel down

Know my ground

Raise my hands

Paint my spirit gold

And bow my head

Keep my heart slow

Cause I will wait, I will wait for you

And I will wait, I will wait for you

And I will wait, I will wait for you

~Mumford and Sons~