When the Rain Comes

Many years ago I listened to an album called Come Together by the band Third Day. It defined my life for longer than I wanted it to. I remember crying in my front room on Ferry Street as I tried to figure out if I could put my life back together.

I paint a picture I think it's easier to live that way But my heart is really broken I'm not the man you think I am when you see me each day Torn apart and then left open

I cried driving down Alder Street because I just needed it to be over. I needed to be rescued from the pain.

Father come and fill me up

I can't wait for you to overflow my cup

My heart makes me wonder how much longer

Til you're coming back to take me away

My heart longs for you to fly right through the sky

And take me to a place where I

Will never feel my heart break down again

But God did not swoop in and carry me away. Instead He sent all of you, to lift me up when I fell and hold me when I couldn't go on. And that was beautiful. Little by little I started to feel like I could make it, at least through one day.

It's alright it's okay

I won't worry about tomorrow

For it brings me one more day

Closer than I was to you

I started to heal. But that album continues to define pain for me and that I why I am listening to it today. And crying, again. My life is worlds away from where it was. I love Bard and I love Evelyn. And I love my second child. A child I don't get to see born. A child I will carry with me for the rest of my life. My child. I knew what the Doctor would find. I knew I had lost my baby. But I still wanted to hear the impossible. But I didn't. I believe in God and I believe in His love. And I don't think I have the right to question Him. But He gives me the grace to. So I do. I don't know why I lost this baby and maybe I never will. But many years ago I learned that I didn't need to know. Somewhere in the midst of all this pain, there is God. And He will hold me til it goes away.

When the rain comes you think that everyone has gone away

When the night falls you wonder if you shouldn't find someplace

To run and hide

Escape the pain

But hiding's such a lonely thing to do

I can't stop the rain from falling down on you again

I can't stop the rain but I will hold you til it goes away

When the rain comes you blame it on the things you've done

When the storm fades you know that rain has fallen on everyone

So rest awhile

It will be alright

No one loves you like I do

I can't stop the rain from falling down on you again

I can't stop the rain but I will hold you

I can't stop the rain from falling down on you again

I can't stop the rain but I will hold you til it goes away

Thankful for the Pink Lines!

Special Breakfast and Other Traditions

Almost every Saturday, Bard makes "Special Breakfast." We've been very purposeful about this-that we want Saturday morning-at least for an hour or so to be relaxing and family time. Normally it's pancakes and bacon or eggs, sometimes waffles or french toast. Bard always cooks and we chat with Evelyn about how Dada is making special breakfast. Today when we were at the grocery store, Evelyn was walking along side me and saw the pancake mixes on the shelf next to her. She said, "Pancakes, Dada, Bekfast." That is awesome : )

We went to the pumpkin patch a few weeks ago, the same one we took her to last year (pictures are posted to the right) and she had a blast. She is quite the city girl though and did not want to get dirty! But she loved the animals and the pumpkins ad still talks about it. Although I can't get her to say "barn," she calls it a "red house." City girl. We also went to our church Harvest Festival, where Evelyn was the cutest kid possible, dressed as Cindy Lou Who! She had a blast and was utterly exhausted from running around and trying the games. I hope that these are traditions that we continue to enjoy for years to come and as November and December approach, I know we will experience more new traditions.