Different Parents?

Have you ever wondered why siblings turn out so different? For those of you who know me, it's no surprise that having a second child has given me a whole new reason to ponder the nature vs nurture argument. After studying and working in the early childhood education field for so many years, it's fascinating to have my own personal experiment!

Here is what has stayed the same with the births of our two daughters-we live in the same house, work the same hours-I am taking the same maternity leave, we have the same parenting philosophy and have responded to many issues with Cici in the same (almost eerily so) way as we did with Evelyn. We are surrounded by many of the same people and have a very similar routine. So, why does Cici nurse different than Evelyn-easier, faster, more scheduled? Why can I lay her down and she'll sleep for over an hour whereas Evelyn would wake after 15 minutes and demand to be held? Why does she like to be held upright and Evelyn preferred to be cradled? Why does Cici sleep more?

The answer, who knows?! I think part of it is nature-I am more relaxed thus creating the classic second child syndrome-a more relaxed baby. But part of it must be nurture-and how amazing is that?! That at just days old her personality is already showing itself. When she is older I bet I will be able to look back on these first few weeks and see how these early personality traits played into later developing skills and habits. It's so fun to see these different traits and to think back on how I was the same or different with Evelyn. Perfect example-if you want to be blown away be beautiful photographs of our girls, check out this link: http://chellenicole.com/WP/2011/01/17/cecilia-lynn-the-ballerina-is-here/

A friend of ours from church has her own photography business (Chelle Nicole) and came over to take our pictures last Saturday-(if you haven't already, scroll back through her babies' shots to see pictures of the day Cici was born.) It was a crazy fun experience and the pictures are absolutely priceless. Stay tuned for more too, I'll be posting the rest from the shoot as well as all our January photos in the next week or so. But, you may have already realized, I did nothing like that when Evelyn was a newborn. Our first professional shots were when she was 4 months old, and then we did a shoot as a family when she was 6 months. It's not that I didn't think about it, I just didn't think very positive things! It seemed so overwhelming to just leave the house, let alone coordinate outfits, time feedings and naps and suppress worries that she would be screaming the whole time : )Plus, my own recovery was so much more difficult that physically, everything was made harder. But with Cici I knew it would be okay. We would try to time naps and feeding, and avoid screaming, but babies are amazingly resilient-far more so than parents-and especially at this young age, they just kinda go with the flow. Toddlers on the other hand. . . ; )

The pictures are worth it by far, we will treasure these photographs forever; they truly capture who we are as a family. But just as important as the visual depiction of our family is how the photos are a symbolic reminder to me of who I am as a parent. Just like my girls I can constantly grow, gaining confidence and grace in my parenting. I can go with the flow and learn to be more resilient. The nature and nurture argument does not just apply to how children are shaped. As adults we too are formed by our surroundings, but instead of being little sponges, as children are, soaking up everything around them, we can be aware-learning and discriminating as we gain insight into the world around us.

Cecilia Lynn

Saturday morning, January 1st, I woke up ready to have my baby. It was three am, I'd had a few minor contractions and I was pretty sure that since Evelyn went so fast, within a few hours I would be at The Birthing Inn and soon holding Cecilia. However, life tends to unfold on its own while we're busy laying out its course. Noon rolled around, then mid afternoon and I wasn't in labor. I chose to be angry, frustrated, and disappointed, but no emotion changed the facts, so at 6pm Bard and I decided to get take out, watch a movie and just settle in for the night. Right about then my first real contraction hit. Haha, very funny.

By about 10pm we were on our way to the Birthing Inn, where things went slowly at first until a little after 11 when I was suddenly reminded that labor is the most painful experience possible. Was it too late for an epidural??!! Just like with Evelyn, I relied mostly on Bard. It's funny how when you're in a relationship you can express your need for each other, telling each other often how much you love and rely on each other. But most of us probably do not live out our relationships as a direct reflection of that love. We take each other for granted and have unrealistic expectations of needs instead of healthy expressions of value and appreciation. Being in labor strips you of any independence you might think you possess. You are forced to rely on the people around you, for physical and mental care. And, you don't get your dignity while doing it either! During both my labors, Bard was a focal point for moving forward through the experience. Which may sound odd, because what choice do you have but to go through it? None. But how you go through it makes all the difference in the world. I drew strength from Bard. He kept me calm (relatively speaking!) and focused on the positive-that the baby was coming. He was there for me every second of every minute, without tiring or giving up himself. I could never have done it without him, Cecilia is a lucky little girl.

And what you may ask, about the baby?! If sibling rivalry has started already, then she one-upped her sister because the 20 minutes I had to push for Cici was nothing compared to the 3 and a half hours I pushed with Evelyn. And as a result, my recovery has been night and day to what it was with Evelyn. At this point with Evelyn-a week into it, I was still sleeping downstairs because I couldn't lift my legs to go upstairs. And numerous other side effects that you can ask me about in person : ) So that's been great.

We also loved the Birthing Inn experience. Unlike at a hospital, your care is individualized and personal. It's also much more private and in a wonderfully soothing and relaxing environment. Our mid wife was great, which we really appreciated because Cici was born not breathing, yeah, she was a bit blue. The midwife calmly gave her oxygen and did leg compressions until she started breathing. I wasn't panicked, the whole thing was handled quickly and easily.

Cici will be a week old tomorrow. It's a bit hard to say who she is and what she will be like. But we have already noticed a few differences between her and Evelyn. She nurses differently than Evelyn did. She doesn't like being wet, and she seems to be more scheduled about her feedings, although that could change. She is adorable and we love to just stare at her. : )

Evelyn loves her too. Evelyn would just do everything for her if she could! She wants to help with her blanket, diaper changes, feeding her, and carrying her. She is very concerned when Cecilia is crying, she comes running, giving instructions along the way-she needs her paci, she wants her blanket, she wants some soup. : ) Evelyn is also very protective of me being with Cecilia and has told other people, "No, mama is holding her." I don't know how long that will last, but it's cute.

I love our family. I'm exhausted and feel like someone hit me with a truck, but it's been amazing. I know we have lots of hard times ahead, but I also know they will be worth it. It just doesn't get any better than this.

Santa Baby

So this was Christmas. Hmm, how many musical references do you think I can fit in one blog? ; ) Last spring Bard and I were discussing the possibility of being pregnant around this time (contrary to popular belief, there are no "accidents"-if you are surprised that you are pregnant, then we need to have a chat!) I was really unsure about being pregnant/possibly delivering right in the middle of the holiday season. But for several reasons, one apparently I need to let go of control, we decided to just see what would happen.

Nine months later. Since I've now made it through Christmas, and almost to next year-although I'm not sure I'll make that yet-I feel pretty good. Yes, there were really hard moments, filled with back pain, heart burn, utter exhaustion, and being overwhelmed, but fortunately that did not take away from Christmas. Even with heartburn I was still able to eat the yummy food! I really wanted to enjoy Christmas as a family. We've established many traditions, from Zoolights to holiday baking, from a Christmas Eve present to White Elephant gift parties. I love these times. I love the music, the memories, the food, the thought, and yes, the busyness. And I'm so grateful that I got to experience it all with the people I love. Including the one that has given me thirty extra pounds to carry around while doing it all ; )

As I sit here, we're getting ready to take down our tree, the carseat is in the car and each of our belongings are packed and ready for overnight stays. The baby's room is done-complete with Bard's mom's Christening Dress hanging on the wall-a Christmas present from Bard's grandma that helped me finish the room because I couldn't figure out what I wanted to put on the walls-beautiful! Evelyn is playing with her new presents, we've packed away some of her old toys-some for the baby and some to give to "boys and girls who don't have very many toys." I've finished some last work emails, and know that even if I went into labor tonight, three months of maternity leave are set up to go fairly smoothly. And last night I spent a hundred dollars at Target buying last minute baby supplies that were not totally needed but gave me peace of mind. I probably shouldn't go back to Target til after the baby is born!

I feel content. Yes, when I was walking up the hill at Zoolights, a block behind Bard and Evelyn because I had to stop every few minutes due to stabbing pain, I did wonder why I had thought being this pregnant over Christmas was a good idea. Yes, when I thought I might be going into labor on Christmas Eve eve and was running around ironing angel costumes, labeling work supplies, and dusting the bedroom dresser, I thought, this is terrible! But somehow, those moments pass. And the moments we are left with are ones of gratitude-at seeing a bigger plan, at knowing that it will be okay, at the thought of Joy to the World and Peace on Earth.

Christmas was great. I ate a ton of fudge and somehow managed to lose a pound! Okay, more than that, it was a celebration with family and friends. It was watching Evelyn's eyes light up as she gave Bard his present. It was standing with family, in candlelight, singing Silent Night. It was wrapping that last stocking on Christmas Eve and knowing that it would be opened in just a few hours. It was knowing that next Christmas I will be doing it all with my second daughter as well, teaching her the traditions and watching her experience the joy.

And so what if I had to scoot the chair back from the table a few extra inches in order to get up after Christmas Dinner? Didn't everybody?!